Wednesday

Today I got up at 1 and barfed around until quarter of five, at which point T and J dropped by. We went to Tappan pharmacy and then to Brigham's (T got some almond buttercrunch, YUM!) and then to Joanna's house to see pictures of AH. I was most struck by one of DG, all beautiful smiles. He is the most beautiful male I know. Then I went home, and Mom said that E had called. I called her back and we had a short-but-sweet conversation. Then we had to rush out so I didn't have time to meditate, I tried to in the car on the way to the Athenian Taverna, but couldn't very well. I ate too much, as usual (including baklava). I will not be albe to watch "A Man for All Seasons" on TV because Dad wants to see something about bugs. Ah well, I have to do my French and practice anyway, perhaps it's all for the best.

Thinking of DG made me think of M too. I like both of them alot, they have the same warm quality, although I'd say that DG will always be more mature than M. Still trying to figure out what he sees in K, what they all see in K. I like her too, I think she's a neat person, but what it is? Perhaps it is her honesty, and "naivété" (?).

I can't stop thinking about D-, being aware of the problem isn't helping, it's making it worse. I think about the corn roast too, although that doesn't bother me nearly as much. I would like to go back to AH again so that I could see if it would be the same, better or worse. So many fine people in one place, and I thought I had that at CW. Ha!!

...

CW people aren't that bad, it's just that they aren't musicians. That sounds dumb, but what it means is that for the duration of school they are not all dedicated to one thing. One beautiful peaceful thing.

Many of them have psychological problems. Everyone's nuts a bit to begin with and the school pressure doesn't help, at least that what I found last year. I guess I can hope that it will be different. Perhaps Mr. M's absence was partially responsible. I also steadfastly refuse to put myself in any cliques this year. It just segmented the class last year and left some people out. I don't want to pre-plan too much though. I want the year to be free, spontaneous and happy. I don't want to gossip too much or make snide comments or too many silly faces, and I want to speak when it's to the point, clearly, precisely, and with love. Can I do it. I hope so, but I doubt it. (At the rate I'm using up this notebook I'll have to buy a new one every month! It's worth the money if I keep it up.)

By the way, just so that I'm not unfair, I did get to see the last hour or so of "Man for All Seasons" and I enjoyed it. I feel very guilty because I didn't practice tonight, but tomorrow I swear I will. I wouldn't write so much, and blabber on and on so, would I, if I didn't need to? Look at how much paper I've used up already!!! Aaaggghhhh.

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Last updated: 11/10/02; 2:21:26 PM.
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