Sunday

I enjoyed GYBSO much more today. My English essay took three hours.I didn't get anything else done. I started reading Women in Love. But I see I mentioned that already. It's late and I'm very tired, more tomorrow. I think I'll take this notebook to school... maybe, maybe not. Imagine, school on Columbus Day. Sacrilege! I wonder if banks will be open. I've had it. Je l'ai.

Monday (Columbus Day)

Hi! I'm sorry I was so skimpy yesterday. I really did enjoy GBYSO much more... Oh! excuse me, gotta try Ms. B again, be back in a few minutes... Well, AH was busy again. I'll try later. As I was saying, I like GBYSO much better, because I finally got to talk to some of the kids. It was nice to know that some of them thought the same way I did about the music we play.

Back at school it's the same old grind. Mr. D was sick, we made a feeble attempt to have a "mature tenth grade discussion." It collapsed into our usual rowdiness. I went to soccer practice and came back late for Spanish, in test of which I got a 92. No es muy mal, verdad? It helps if you have the Spanish teacher eating out of your hand. A funny thought.

Everything was closed, I couldn't deposit some money in the bank. That thing at R is getting awfully close, and I'm getting nervous. HMM. Also my lesson with Ms. B on Wednesday. It turns out that M needs a teacher, so Ms. B could come here and give us both lessons. No hour each way commuting ot Belmont! Hurrah! It's a great possibility (and what a life saver!).

I really like my math project. I was embarrassed not to mention mortified and truly sorry when I kicked a good soccer ball, a marvelous blooper into the Charles, irretrievably out of reach. They were very nice about it. I like JG's body. I hope J went up to AH and said Hi to MS for me. I miss him, in a strange vague way. I probably show it too.

I was so pleased, after about an hour of practising my tone became really nice and pure. That was such a pleasant sensation, now if I could just get my tongue and fingers working faster, like my brain wants them to! I must say, my music is the one really satisfying thing I do for almost two hours. But first thing next morning there's already that empty impatient feeling until I practice again.

A couple of really nice phrases have struck my ears recently, but I don't remember what they were. I'm going to make a list of here of the things I had in my green notebook, and some things I've collected more recently.

A Hymn

Oh God our help in ages past
Our hope for years to come
Our shelter from the stormy blast
And our eternal home.

Under the shelter of they throne
Thy saints have dwelt secure
Sufficient is thine arm alone
And our defense is sure.

Before the hills in order stood
And earth received her frame
From everlasting thou art God
To endless year the same.

A thousand ages in thy sight
Are like an evening gone
Short as the watch that ends the night
Before the rising sun.

Chinese Proverbs

• A clear conscience never fears midnight knocking.


• In so many words, surely some mistake.


• Before telling secrets in the road, look in the bushes.


• Water floats a ship ~ water sinks a ship.


• The tongue, like a sharp knife, kills without drawing blood.

Meaningful Phrases to Me
(Boy that sounds sick, sick, sick.)

• "Kentucky State University"


• "Beer"


• "Was I bad, Wemedge?"


• "The color of sadness"


• "Villa-Lobos"

Persian Swears I Learned From D

• May your genitals be struck by lightening!


• It is common knowledge that your mother is not stranger to the embraces of domestic pets and other barnyard animals.


• You are hung like a desert rat.

That's a funny page. I'll add here a poem I wrote, about David, when I really depressed at camp. It's not one of my better things, but it really says how I felt.

I spent a quiet night
The stars and I were silent together
There was nothing but space between me and far nothingness
Emptiness all around seeped into my brain
Slowly pushing out the madness and loudness and confusion of the days before
And in the calm that slowly overtook my mind
I thought of him
They tell me he likes me but what do they know
I saw him like a dream before me smiling
Half-ironic, maybe friendly, a little bit sad
I want to ask how long it takes to be whole
How long before you find out what you really want
He seems to know
But as I start to ask the image fades away
I realize once more that I'm alone
I cried because I think I'll never know,
And like him, everything I want will fade away
Then how much will my quiet night be worth
Compared to the _______ of the days to come.

I haven't changed anything, although there are several things I would do over. I event left the word in the last line a blank, as I did in the original. The poem gives me a very clear picture, of him, and of my feelings, although it doesn't really say any of them quite right. But I think it will always remind me. And I want to leave those things that are wrong with it, wrong, no matter how great the temptation to patch it up. I add one one word "out" in the fifth line, because I think I simply omitted it accidentally in the original.

In the future I will use this notebook and its successors, for recordin gof the things I find pertinent that I do in other things, like the green notebook. Of which, that reminds me, I need to buy another. I am carrying it around all the time, and periodically weed out and transplant what I really like and want to preserve into here.

I'm going to beddy-bye!

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© Copyright 2002 Pascale Soleil.
Last updated: 11/10/02; 2:23:10 PM.
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