Friday

Well, I made the cookies and packaged them up. To be delivered tomorrow. I changed the note a little bit, but that's ok. I took the gloom and doom out and so on. I must say those Greek crescents are absolutely delicious. You can't taste the bourbon, unfortunately. Rich too.

I watch Wild, Wild West on TV because I like the body of Robert Conrad. He's supposed to have gotten out of shape since he had an accident off a chandelier (he did all his own stunts). Pretty good looking mush too. For someone who's supposed not to have been trained to watch for looks or muscles it seems as if I do alot of it. What's really annoying is that it doesn't prepare me for other types. Well, it's hard to say right. I don't seem to go for the really sensitive types, unless they cover it up with a roughish no-nonsense cover, like Mr. M for instance.

I wonder if J2'll mind if we stay after lunch at GBYSO. N- is going to be there. That might help. I also hope she doesn't mind the Central Square stop, while I drop off the cookies.

Well, I only meditated once, this morning, so I guess I'll have to do that now. (Have you noticed how much I say "Well." I wonder if I say it that often when I talk. It's kind of like an apology or a preface or something. An excuse for sloppy thinking and writing no doubt.)

I wonder if I'll enjoy myself up at the Ms in Amerst or Maine. Mom said that there might be some "young people" there. What does that mean? 28? Like S-. He used to tease and be friendly with me, and I got embarrassed and didn't know how to handle it. I think I'd enjoy a bit of that easiness now. I wonder if L will be there. I have a very strange reaction to her. I don't know what it is. Sometimes it almost tastes or smells like fear. Anyway, it'll be an unusual New Year, cloistered away from those my age, perhaps for the better.

But I can't help thinking that I'm sort of cutting my moorings, and I'll just keep drifting farther away from my friends and parents, and my reality, into a fog of detachment, with no reference point in common with anyone to be guided safely back.

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Last updated: 11/10/02; 2:26:13 PM.
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