Thanks to "maverick historian Jessica Durbeen," we now know that Honest Abe was born Abigail Lincoln, a victim of Marfan's syndrome, a genetic disorder that can cause disproportionate growth. As a young girl, she decided to dress as a man to work as a rail splitter and, thanks to some Log Cabin luck, found a male transvestite to marry ("'Take a look at a photo of Mary Todd Lincoln and you'll be convinced'"), by whom she gave birth to six children while, possibly--and here Durbeen can go no further than the evidence allows--carrying on a torrid affair with John Wilkes Booth. . . .

Plagiarize This! by Jill Lepore in A Common Place

USA Americans have no vernacular to speak of social class.