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Once upon a time, you could count on a great tale of whoa from you friendly Nigerian scammer. I mean they would give you details on how their dear departed father got the money, gorey bits of the 'sudden demise', some local color, and either a religious or veiled sexual come-on.

Now it's all business.

Witness these two letters sent to me this weekend:

HELLO, MY NAME IS MURRAY BEVERLY KONE THE DAUGHTER OF LATE MRS CENDY KONE A COMPLETE CITIZEN OF LIBERIA, A GOLD DEARLER IN ABIDJAN WHO DIED OF BRAEST CANCER ON THE 15TH OF NOVERMBER 2004. I INHERITED A TOTAL SUM OF 780 THOUSNAD DOLLARS SHE CONCEALED IN A METALLIC TRUNK BOX AND DEPOISTED WITH A SECURITY COMPANY HERE IN ABIDJAN AS A FAMILY VALUABLE, MY MAIN PURPOSE OF CONTACTING YOU IS TO HELP ME STAND AS MY LATE MOTHER'S FOREIGN BENEFICIARY TO ENABLE US RETRIEVE THE TRUNK BOX FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY HERE IN ABIDJAN AND SHIP IT TO YOUR COUNTRY OR ANY PLACE YOU KNOW THAT IS SECURED AND INVEST THE MONEY IN THE AREAS YOU KNOW THAT IS VERY LUCRATIVES. I WILL GIVE YOU 15% OF THIS MONEY WHILE 5% WILL BE FOR ANY EXPENSES YOU MADE IN THIS TRANSACTION. I WILL GIVE YOU THE FULL INFORMATION OF THE SECURITY COMPANY WHEN YOU WRITE BACK. I APPRECIATE YOUR IMMENSELY CO-OPERATION AS I LOOK FORWARD TO HEAR FROM YOU SOONEST. PLEASE KINDLY REACH ME WITH MY PRIVATE MAIL ADDRESS.(bevelymurray@yahoo.ca) OR YOU CAN REACH ME WITH MY NUMBER +22508317522. BEST REGARDS, MISS MURRAY BEVERLY KONE.

This came to me from a server in Romania called k.ro. and what? They think $115,000 will hook me? Then from a UK server I get this trimmed down opener:

Dear, We are from the payment section of the Nigeria Federal Ministry of Finace,and in great need of your assistance. Here at our department,daily we accepts great numbers of foreign cheques which are not cashable here, hence the needs for foreigner who will help us to cash this/these cheques. on each cheque cleared by you,we have agreed to part away 30% to you for your efforts while the rest will be sent down to us here in Nigeria. Should you be pleased to work with us,kindly put reply to (mikeeze2010@yahoo.co.uk)(2348052453086) Thanks,and in anticipation of your respond to this great deal. Your's in waiting, Mike Eze.(Mr)

How about they just go for broke:

Hi sucker, I'm from Nigeria. Send me money, your bank account number, any passwords, pins and your social security number. Be quick about it, I need it now. By the way, my car ran out of gas about 2 blocks from here, so give me your spare change too. Hurry up, Mr. Phuque Ewe PS, I'm not really from Nigeria.

Now that, I'd buy!

© copyright, Chris Heilman, 2005