Thursday, July 05, 2001

Once upon a time there was a little family in a little town that wanted to have a little fun on the 4th of July. Instead this family became trapped in one of the most bizarre time stretching phenomenon that man has ever seen. I’m talking about a day that begins at 4:05 am as the patriarch of this dubious clan heads out to do a good deed for some of his employees and finds himself laying blankets on the side of a parade route for half of the neighborhood. Not only does he secure a large piece of prime viewing real-estate (ok, so it was on the sunny side of the street. Live and learn) but he still manages to drop off supplies to the marathon workers at the track. Arriving home just in time to help get everyone ready for the parade. Flash foreword to the 2nd hour of the parade and our hero finds himself fully baked by the sun (If you can avoid burnt shins I highly recommend doing so) and new levels of uncomfort are explored as his five year old daughter has chosen to sleep on his lap. Undaunted he finished out the parade in time to do a quick shop for the after parade brunch. This idea is brilliant because this will give him time to feed his guests and possibly squeeze in a little nappy before the fireworks. 7 hours later after grilling 20 odd hotdogs, 18 hamburgers, 12 chicken breasts, 9 pork chops, and 2 lbs of shrimp, its time to decide where to watch the sky fire. As if he knew that his father was in trouble, the baby revealed his amazing BUG BITR CUBED! Mosquitoes are not as stupid as is generally understood because rather than reenter his skin and having to break through the tough outer layer, the all chose to utilize the exact same entrance point. This produced a bug bite that was a cross between a cone shaped party hat and a Dairy Queen cone. Rather than come down with encephalitis or malaria, it just made him mean. Too mean in fact to be allowed out in the general population. So the moron who took the neighborhoods blankets out finally got his nap at 9:30 after putting his angry sideshow attraction to bed. Epilog: the boy seems to be in some form of communicative control over the pests that tried to destroy him. Those in the know are afraid. 12:00:00 AM    says you