Thursday, July 12, 2001

The last thing that I'm going to say about Doug isn't really "about" him but it was something he loved. I worked with those guys in 1998 and the Y2K scare was rolling full force. We had this loud-mouthed know-it-all that worked with us who was constantly preaching the end of civilization. I was constantly goofing on this guy for his gold purchases and survival talk. He would argue back that very few families would make through this crisis in tact. It was during one of these arguments when I adapted one of my childhood theories to my present situation. When I watched zombie movies as a kid I always wanted to be part of the hoard trying to get into the house and eat the people. I was ready to sign up as the zombie poster boy. My likeness; with a caption something like "Get bit and join in the fun." I even devised strategies for finding and containing the most edible humans. Examples; secure as many high rise buildings as possible and eat your way from bottom to top. Retirement homes were also a key to my zombie survival. It's hard to beat slow food. If the folks start to run thin go to hospitals, what can't get up can't get away. And the ace in the hole was our fine penal system. I realize that zombie battle tactics are not your normal childhood fare but I never claimed to be normal. I need to pat myself on the back because I had most people fooled. I'd bet that Sammy and Tim are the only people to see flashes of how strange I was at an early age. I have to give both of them credit because I would have been afraid of me. Anyway, back to torturing the survival nut. I even went so far as to print computer maps to his house and a list of possible food stores and valuables. This guy flipped his lid and started loud talking about shooting anyone that tried something like that. So I naturally countered with “how many people do you think will show up if things get really desperate?” I hope you have a lot of ammo. To which he replied “You’ll be the first one I shoot” Counter, “that’s fine because I’ll be the one driving the abandoned armored car through your un-reinforced living room wall.” Reply, “don’t do it you fucking asshole.” I considered that a win but still had to leave flyers randomly tucked in his things for the remainder of my twoyear. To attempt to tie this mess together, Doug was one of the great single person audiences ever. He is missed. 12:00:00 AM    says you