Monday, September 10, 2001

All right, we’re having a baby and an army of doctors, interns and nurses, surround me. Did I mention that at this point I’m experiencing that deep sense of scared that puts you in a weird “not happening to me” state of mind. I remember thinking how strange it was that Liza was being so brave while all I wanted to do was cry. I thought I was floating through a bad dream until one of her contractions fought through the epidural and my fingers began to separate. This wasn’t how babies were supposed to be born, why in the hell was this happening to us and how much tuition money was wasted on this gang of assholes. It seemed like I started to get comfortable with the fact that I knew as much as everyone in the room when BANG! Katie was born. As soon as she came out her cord was cut and three doctors were assessing her. They rushed her over to the warming isolet where 4 people began cleaning her up and helping her breathe. I remember how scary she looked with her eyes all swollen shut and her body about 1/3 the size of what I expected. I was unaware that the female genitalia did not develop outer protection until just before birth so I was looking at what I perceived as the most horrifying birth defect in history. I was kind of in shock when Liza’s voice cut through all the loud rapid talking in the room and asked me if she was OK. I said yes but it was not my best lying effort because my voice cracked and I didn’t get it all out. When I turned back around, they were out the door running with the cart so I followed my daughter out the door screaming to Liza that everything was fine. They franticly worked on her for an hour before a very nice nurse sent me back upstairs to calm my worried wife down. I stopped on the way up to vomit and cry. After I pulled myself together, it was all smiles about our beautiful new almost 3-pound baby girl. I learned more about my wife, the world, and myself than I ever wanted to know. The next three months living at the hospital while Katie tried to finish developing in an isolet was a lesson that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I have to admit once again that Liza is much stronger than I am. There were days that I couldn’t bear the thought of going to see my little girl with tubes in her nose and throat, IV’s in her hands feet and head, but Liza wouldn’t even listen to my pathetic whining and just go. I don’t think I ever lasted in the house for more than 5 minutes alone but part of me just wanted to sleep until she could come home. I know this is long so I’ll cut to the fact that bringing her home was another set of life lessons. You don’t sleep much watching a cardiac monitor attached to your headboard waiting for the alarm to sound and hoping that a lead has moved out of place. She slept in the middle of our bed until her 1st birthday. All of her health problems cleared up except one pesky “lazy” eye and if that was all, I knew we hit the lottery. Everything is great with my as of today 9-yearold. I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome for this long winded tail. There is more to tell but I have another year to remember and I’m sure I can remember more in that amount of time. Happy Birthday Katie, the best things in life are the ones you work the hardest for. 12:00:00 AM    says you