Sunday, November 04, 2001

I had to sit a few of the youngsters at work down and explain the ins and outs of strip joints then I thought that this would be a good time for a stupidtom public service message. First, let me explain, in college I worked for a fine establishment named the Foxy Lady. I know this conjures up images of tuxedos and stretch limos but you couldn’t be farther from reality. Most of the girls that danced for us were hooked up in some way with the Sons of Silence motorcycle club. These were actually some fun guys but no one you’d invite over to watch football with on Sunday. (Unless you needed some crystal meth and that’s your business) OK this is where I worked as a bartended, bouncer, assistant manager, and after-hours escort for a year and a half. I learned enough in that time to write several books but I’ll hit the highlights. And before you think you’re going to blackmail me you should know that this is the job I had when I met my lovely wife. [Pause] The answer is no. very few strippers hold up to the light of day. I guess that would be the first lesson of this little narrative. The most popular stripper in Iowa at the time was a girl called Sinnamen (correct spelling, how could I forget that?) she looked great and was a Headliner. The problem came with the rising of the sun. There is something inherently unattractive about track marks and this girl had enough for a whole crowd of people. Next lesson, no one who takes their clothing off for a living likes the creepy people that pay them to do so. Not only don’t like you, they are making fun of you if you spend more than the average person does. “That blond was digging me” is the exact quote that inspired this tidbit. Repeating, these girls are digging your money, the rest of you is just plain funny. You’re not stupid, you can see right through anyone that tries to BS you. Stripper handbook page 1; get sucker to talk about himself. Ego is king and you need to do anything you can to show interest. Example: “Oh my, you sell prosthetic toes, what a coincidence; my brother lost his toes in s tragic garage door accident.” If you fall in love at a strip joint I have one word for you, pathetic. Once again, don’t fall in love, don’t spend too much time with one girl, find something better to do with your time and money. 12:00:00 AM    says you