Thursday, November 29, 2001

I’m having trouble igniting the candle in our front yard. This is actually the one exterior feature of our house that gets decorated so I keep adding lights to it until you can see it from space. This year seems to be particularly tough on fuses. I have already replaced a dozen bulbs and eight fuses. Looks like I will need some more magic duct tape this year. Along with keeping the water out the duct tape also acts as a security measure. I have some friends that like to plug plastic figures from other cultures and religions into your front yard. I do not condone or participate in this process but it completely cracks me up. I have never been victimized because as soon as I was threatened I put all electrical outlets on immediate lockdown. I even went so far as to scope out my possible revenge. Luckily Sammy lives near a very diverse area of the city and every possible lifestyle comes complete with their own brand of holiday decorations. I have to figure this out soon because last night the local squirrel representative left me a note that loosely translated to “what’s wrong, can’t afford electricity this year?” I wondered what was going on last year when all of the paw prints lined up in a semicircle around the tree but I dismissed it as nothing. It turns out that my front yard id the warming center for the neighborhood vermin. I have convinced the kids that it is Santa’s landing beacon and the fact that it won’t stay lit is a testament to their general state of naughty. I’ll save my Santa rant for sometime a little closer to his night but it would be safe to say that I am a big fan. I need to at least attempt sleep as I am on an ambulance all day tomorrow. Maybe I’ll get some time with that web cam manual. Who says you can’t turn a two-year-old broken phone into something useful. Sure you get a third of what you paid for it at a store that has a liberal return policy because no one shops there anymore but if you dig deep you can find something fun. Look for shots of the newly remodeled (moved around for no reason because I am insane) stupidtom.com headquarters. It’s not pretty, but it’s home. 12:00:00 AM    says you