Friday, November 30, 2001

Eric sent me an email that could keep me writing for days. He pointed out that he would be remiss if he failed to note the similarities between the current stupidtom HQ and my dungeon dwelling in college. Bull’s-eye! Yet another psychological revelation from this waste of time web site. I have managed to lock down the basic look and feel of my college existence and I had no conscious idea that I was doing it. When I let Liza in on the news her only reaction was “don’t even think about it.” The “it” to which she refers is the spectacular hand crafted bathroom that was designed and built by the only two roommates willing to live in the basement. Curty and I had a vague idea of what we were trying to accomplish and it evolved into a masterpiece. We were both unhappy with the low mounted tiny sinks that are usually supplied in a powder room so we decided to install a huge single basin kitchen sink mounted a full foot higher than the norm. By the way, you have no idea how handy a sink sprayer is for after shaving cleanup until you have used one. To further avoid the powder room stigma we made this bathroom a full eight feet by ten feet. The flooring was naturally Astro-Turf including spray-painted yard lines, hash marks, and numbers. I give that shower stall some credit for my present day immune system because there was no way for light to penetrate into it even with a clear curtain. Liza and Mary were the only two women to ever venture into this den of testosterone and survive but it was only out of desperate necessity. I think the thought of another manthroom caused her immediate reaction. The other highlights that Eric mentioned included the unfinished wall of dirt and abandoned coal bin. These two particular horrors were on Jeff’s side of the basement and I have to admit that he was a much braver soul than I was. Not only was his side home to those horrors but it also held the massive forced air furnace that was wrapped in full strength asbestos. He managed to create a nice space out of that pile of crap. So nice in fact that it attracted other tenants for years. I think the landlord would have been more appreciative if I hadn’t removed four of the basement stairs to get my furniture out and after breaking the one bulb that was activated by the switch failing to replace said same stairs causing him to fall nine feet in the dark a week later. It wasn’t really the fall but the landing that ultimately injured his back so I wrote it off as clumsiness. I am going to keep notes as I remember more specific stories from the basement but I think I’m going to need some help. Some of the nameless basement guests need to refresh my memory on the game I walked in on after long nights work. I distinctly remember watching three individuals (who will remain nameless until they tell me they don’t care) throw stolen pool balls against the foundation as hard as possible with the object being not to get hit. These are all Family men so I’m not going to accuse anyone of smoking a bail of any controlled substances but I can’t remember the final mutation of the game. The final images in my head feature two stolen bowling balls and a lot of taunting. Please help an old man whose memory is falling out with his hair. 12:00:00 AM    says you