I have a problem and it has to do with the bell ringing beggars at Christmas. Following my own advice, I have developed a solution rather than waste time with idol thoughts of violence. I call this latest stroke of genius the Salvation Army Sticker. Once you drop money in any bucket you will be offered a sticker that basically tells all of the other temporary do-gooders to cut you some slack. This means no vigorous bell shaking as you walk past, and absolutely NO “have a happy holiday anyways”
The second part of this idea is personally gratifying. For an increased price (lets just say $20) you will be issued the all new Salvation Army HEAD or GUT pin. This transferable button when displayed in plain view would allow the wearer some reciprocity in the event that he or she was harassed after such a generous donation. As the name implies the inconsiderate bell ringer would have their choice of taking a punch to either the head or the gut.
I for one would cover myself in such pins just waiting for the chance to take out some holiday frustration. If this program ever gets off the ground I am going to propose my next idea; FIND THE ASSHOLE THAT DONATES THE GOLD COINS EVERY YEAR AND PROVE THAT THEY ARE SALVATIONARMYMEN. The person or persons exposing this blatant fraud will earn the right to take command of the mighty Salvation Army and lead them into battle against the Kiwanis. Their victory would secure summertime begging positions at intersections all across Chicagoland.
12:00:00 AM 
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