As the pundits keep pointing out, George W. Bush won the election thanks to the Religious Right, and it’s time for disappointed Democrats to stop pouting and start obeying the Big Guy.

The Bible has replaced the Constitution as the supreme law of the land, and all those trial lawyers that President Bush hates so much are scurrying around in confusion. Clearly, we benighted souls who have lived our lives under secular laws need to seek guidance from those whom God has chosen to rule over us.

I was emailed an open letter asking President Bush for help in understanding how to apply some of the laws. One of the many important questions:

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

I hope President Bush (or perhaps his new Attorney General) will answer these questions. They have been asked before—a Google search showed me the same questions being asked of Dr. Laura Schlessinger and Rev. Jerry Falwell, but I haven’t been able to find any indication that either of those arbiters of morality has responded. We need their wise guidance. Without it, we’re in danger of living our lives just as we choose. Too dreadful to contemplate.

The Moral of the Story: If you’re going to be selective about which Biblical laws you observe, maybe you shouldn’t characterize your own choices as God’s immutable law.