Transcript of press conference with George W. Bush

At the press conference, all the reporters have witty nicknames for Bush....

"Hey, Dimwit! Your daddy appointed the SEC guy who didn't throw you in the slammer for your securities fraud. Now you've appointed the SEC guy who will investigate Cheney's crimes. Have you promised DICK that you'll protect him from doing hard time?"

"Everything I do is fully disclosed; it's been fully vetted. Any other questions?"

"A follow-up, your Idiocy: you were caught red-handed with just under a million bucks-worth of fraud; did you get much more off-shore and off the books? That is, the American people want to know if you're a smart thief like Kenny Boy, or a dumb thief -- err, like you seem to be."

"Everything I do is fully disclosed; it's been fully vetted. Any other questions?"

A Japanese reporter: "Honorable Dim Son, you never heard of World War II, as we know. Maybe you never heard of insider trading laws? Maybe you aren't really criminal, but just -- as you say in Texas -- dumb-as-stump?"

"Everything I do is fully disclosed; it's been fully vetted. Any other questions?"

"Sir, a two-part question: As Deserter-in-Chief, aren't you actually glad that retards can't be executed for their crimes? And if you are hoping that the recent court ruling will save your miserable hide, don't you think it ironic that three of the judges responsible for the coup de grace of your coup d'etat nearly set you up for the big fall?"

"Boing Jurno... Look at me, I speak French. Everything I do is fully disclosed; it's been fully vetted. Any other questions?"

"One more question you lying, thieving, bastard: People have said you were AWOL on the fight against terrorism, AWOL on reforms to prevent corporate fraud, AWOL on the Mid-east peace process, AWOL on the economy, etc., etc., etc. Isn't that unfair? That is, didn't you take active steps to block surveillance of Bin Laden -- son of your family's business partner? And weren't you really doing your best to *prevent* reforms? And weren't you purposefully trying to promote instability in Israel and Palestine? And didn't you know in advance your economic policies would flush the U. S. economy down the toilet, even while further enriching your cronies?

"Everything I do is fully disclosed; it's been fully vetted. Any other questions?"

"No thanks, Little George, our work is done for today."