Pollster explains last-minute torpedoing of exit polls

Miami, FL (licentious)-- VNS abruptly aborted its exit polling when it realized "it would be the only evidence of voter fraud with the computerized voting machines," according to a pollster with a leading Republican-owned media conglomerate.

"Electronic voter fraud is completely untraceable. The only way you would notice is by the discrepency between the exit poll results and the vote tally for each precinct. Since we couldn't guarantee that the precinct exit poll numbers would be untraceable, we had to pull the plug on the whole operation."

According to the pollster, exit polls are a labor-intensive operation, so there was just too much chance that one of the hundreds of exit pollers would go public with their actual tallies, or that the actual tallies could even be subpoenaed. "CYA is rule number 1. If somebody noticed that exit poll results were off only in strong Democratic precincts, things might have gotten messy."

The potential for damage was discovered during a mid-day demonstration to senior executives. "When [name withheld] saw that the information system let you drill down to the precinct level, the shit hit the fan. He was so angry, we thought his head was going to explode."

The computerized voting machines in Florida, for instance, were purchased by the Republican-controlled state government, from a Republican-controlled corporation established solely to manufacture and program voting machine results. "They're really state-of-the-art," said one Republican voting coordinator. "If we had had these in 2000, we wouldn't have needed the Scalia-Five."