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Even among those who had rated their marriages as "very unhappy," nearly 80 percent said they were happily married five years later. These were not merely bored or dissatisfied whiners. They had endured serious problems including alcoholism, infidelity, verbal abuse, emotional neglect, depression, illness, and work and money troubles.
Comment: What we're seeing in this research is, I believe, the value in deepening a relationship through commitment. I hate to see people suffer. But in any marriage I've seen endure and become something great, there have been times when one or both parties could have left on the same grounds other people have been divorced over. Me? I became whiny and pathetic when I was sick a dozen years ago. My wife didn't sign on for that, but she didn't leave either. We worked through it. And now we experience the fruits of multiple ways we've committed and recommitted to our marriage over the years.
I have one friend who is clearly happier after divorce. I have two brothers who divorced and remarried into a committed relationships that definitely work. There is no "rule." At the same time, we also see that the success comes from growing, or as the article puts it "transcending" the difficulties to end up in a new place.
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