Friday, May 03, 2002

The First Annual Misfires of Marketing Awards  My friend Kia and I have long shared a joke about what might be called unfortunate marketing slogans. Our favorite is one I spotted back in the 1970s outside some lackluster eatery in Hartford, Connecticut: ''WHERE QUALITY PREDOMINATES'' It was Kia's idea (she being the funniest person in the world) to get to the bottom of why this phrase haunts us so. She wrote: The boy stood on the burning deck WHERE QUALITY PREDOMINATES It is an Ancient Mariner WHERE QUALITY PREDOMINATES I never had a dear gazelle WHERE QUALITY PREDOMINATES Ah what can ail the, knight-at-arms WHERE QUALITY PREDOMINATES? I offered a few variants of my own: O Western Wind, whan wilt thou blow WHERE QUALITY PREDOMINATES It was a lover and his lass WHERE QUALITY PREDOMINATES If music be the food of love WHERE QUALITY PREDOMINATES In the middle of the journey of our life WHERE.... At which point Kia said, "It's not a phrase, it's a disease..." Which inspired a final effort: ABANDON ALL HOPE, YOU WHO ENTER HERE Where q. p's. Now it's your turn. Announcing the First Annual Misfires of Marketing Awards (The FAMMAies!) Send us your tired, your poor, your huddled misfires of marketing, yearning to breathe free. We'll print the best ones, and YOU could even WIN a Grand-Prize Round-Trip Ticket To (drumroll-rimshot-highhat-sizzle please...) Your Very Own HOME,  ***"WHERE QUALITY PREDOMINATES"***   1:08:40 PM     The next wave of Fellas From a jobs newsletter: NEW YORK TIMES PROFESSIONAL FELLOWS COUNCIL ON FOREIGN RELATIONS The New York Times Professional Fellowships at the Council on Foreign Relations Contact: Olivia Carballo Tel: (212) 434-9668; Fax: (212) 434-9816; E-mail: ocarballo@cfr.org Homeland Security: The Next Wave of Great Stories in the Battle Against Terrorism The New York Times Company Foundation and the Council on Foreign Relations have joined to create a unique fellowship for journalists who want to explore in-depth issues related to homeland security. Twelve journalists and assignment editors representing a cross-section of the news media will be selected to participate in a five-day immersion course at the Council, July 11-15, 2002, and will be designated as NEW YORK TIMES PROFESSIONAL FELLOWS. Stephen Flynn, Council Senior Fellow for National Security Studies, former U.S. Coast Guard Commander and a leading expert on homeland security, will direct the course. He will be joined by some of the nation's most respected authorities on post--9/11 homeland threats and responses. Participants will have the opportunity to brainstorm with fellow journalists on how best to translate technically complex and politically charged issues into daily reports and projects. Topics will include homeland security strategy for deterring, preventing and responding to catastrophic acts of terrorism; bio- and cyber-hazards; immigration and customs controls; civil liberties and federal government reorganization plans; and state and local responsibilities. Once accepted, fellows will receive free hotel accommodation, course materials, lunches and an opening-night dinner. Fellows are responsible for their own travel to the Council's New York offices. To apply: send resume, a sample of work and a supporting letter from your supervisor by May 30, 2002 to Michael M. Weinstein, c/o Olivia Carballo, 58 E. 68th Street, New York, NY 10021, or at ocarballo@cfr.org. For more information, call (212) 434-9668 or E-mail ocarballo@cfr.org. Successful applicants will be notified no later than June 10. Michael M. Weinstein is Managing Consultant, Institutes for Journalists, New York Times Company Foundation; and Director, Greenberg Center for Geoeconomic Studies and Paul A. Volcker Senior Fellow, Council on Foreign Relations. The Council on Foreign Relations is the leading foreign policy organization in the United States and publisher of Foreign Affairs. www.cfr.org So Big Media is indistinguishable from Hypertrophied Government in distributing Establishment-Approved Amulets, Magic Access Glyphs, Bogus-But-Impressive-Sounding-Titles, Handsome Stationery, Tatoos and Marks of Divine Recognition. Is there anything the New York Times won't attempt to brand? 12:40:25 PM

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