Caught Off Guard

The Building Inspector.

Brandon's mom had come to pick him up from school. They were walking down the hall, hand in hand. Another kid stood and watched as they walked by. And he made fun of Brandon.

Brandon's mom turned and gave the kid a stern look, her inspector's badge level with the kid's face. She bent over and pointed a finger into his face and said, Is that really what you wanted to say to him? The kid's face was white. You've got a badge! he said.

The Police Detective.

Kimberly's dad was in a rush. He was still wearing his holster as he walked to the playground where she stood in the gravel by the swings. Her coat was nowhere to be seen again. He asked her where it was.

Not far from Kimberly, he saw a boy standing beside a small gravel mound, one dirty arm of her coat sticking out. He turned to the boy and said, Son, I don't want you to mess with my daughter's jacket again, you understand? The boy's jaw dropped as he found him self face to face with a black leather holster. How could he have known it was empty?

The Real Estate Man.

Alex asked who our home insurance was with. A friend of his was in the insurance business, he said. He could get us a good deal. Alex shook his head in evident wonder at the kind of deal his friend might make.

Five percent (or something like that) was great, he said. You must mean mortgage insurance, I said, but we've paid off our house. Alex was silent for a moment. Right, he said, and our conversation moved off to other matters.

The Telephone Salesman.

My black Western Electric rotary dial desk phone rang. There was a delay after I answered. Then a man asked for me by name but got the pronunciation wrong and had to fall back on just plain Dave. He babbled something about representing AT&T.

Was I familiar with the UVerse television and Internet service? You know, I said, we don't have a television, so I don't think we're a good match. He chuckled. No, I suppose you're right.

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