Sunday, February 09, 2003

Once I am able to do Syzygy and only Syzygy, I am going to get a puppy. People always tell me I am a natural pet person. And I am demure, explaining that I got my roommates as they are. But that's not true. I am a pet person. And so much a puppy person. A kitten person. Combining both inexhaustable patience and insatiable play. I think Loki would be happier as well. But no more cats. I am teaching Laika, tonight, On-by, to give Snack some peace. And it worked, almost immediately, just showing her what I wanted, and giving her positive feedback when she responded. Her ears are up, like radar, as Snack meows, but she is, mostly, staying.   QT is destroying coffee drinks, in a different, but similar way, than Starbucks. I know immediately, without asking, even though I do, when someone orders a cappuccino and then asks what flavors we have, that they get it from QT. I tell them what they need to order when they dine out is a vanilla latte, extra vanilla, one shot of coffee. That happened twice today. TWICE. In one day. Crazy. Starbucks does a decent cup of coffee, but it's setting a mediocre standard. Overroasted beans are great, if you're trying to achieve consistency across a U.S. market, but it's much like the Cabernet Sauvignon or Chardonnay phenomenon. People constantly say I want a hearty Cabernet, when all they mean is tanniny. Or oaky Chardonnay. All the nuance is lost. Eventually, and I think this may become true, we'll just watch reality TV shows where people go on dates, select mates, wrestle them, and then eviscerate and fuck their mangled corpses, in front of a live studio audience. The turn towards homogenized banal taste amonsgt the petit bourgeousie is converging, eventually, with the WWF mentality of the working class. I think if I were a character in the Lord of the Rings, I would be Saruman. Not because I wish to hold the power of the Ring. But because, simply put, fuck 'em all. They're all beasts. Let me build my own army. Create an order of my own. With traps baited with cigars and brandy for all the people with money whose taste has been so reduced, and cage matches for all the people without money, who express some classist rage by focusing on whatever villain is in the ring, or the focus of conservative political pundits. And then bring the forests back. Community. I've always wondered, and this perhaps reflects my lack of a classical education, what the moral implications are of commiting immoral or amoral acts for the greater good. Is it possible to create a society where a group of purely moral people decide the fate, which may include death, of amoral or immoral people? And then themselves are destroyed, or dismissed, the top o' the food chain sin eaters? This is probably something Plato already figured out. Or some sage of the Serengeti, singing her songs to the moon. I read a piece of a piece surveying Missouri and Illinois voters about their thoughts on the death penalty. I didn't get the whole article, since I'd already started burning it to heat up the fireplace flue in the restaurant. One of the things that stood out for me is the fact that the number of people who would vote for a politician who opposed the death penalty exceeded, by at least 10 points, the number of people who were opposed to the death penalty. Almost as if they GET the fact that the death penalty (unless, of course, I am the bearer of the One Ring), is immoral, and they need to elect a higher authority to enforce their morality. The monkey tower man continues to give me delight. Even in an irritable mood, having worked with the immensely passive aggressive, manipulative asshole again tonight at work, kind of the anti-Stu, which makes me, and I'm sure Peggy, miss Stu all the more. While I try not to let him affect me at work, and expect that he will eventually be fired, that takes energy. But driving home on 44, I still can't help myself laughing and greeting the magic monkey tower man. That may become my mantra in all stressful situations. However undignified it may be. No Ommsss or Hare's or Alleluia's, just a "Hellooooooo Monkey Tower Man, Helloooooo." It makes me laugh even now. Which is, like the breathing belly rolls of orgasm, close to the divine.   10:41:12 PM

I am a rat. Maybe a monkey. Pulling a lever. Or levers. Some of them present, concious, maybe even prescient. Some of them evolutionary. Some of them out of chemical addiction. Slogging through my morning today, I heated up coffee from last night. Concious of the fact that I didn't need to make another pot. And then heard, without even remembering going through the steps, the coffee maker gurgling its final heat element induced gurgle. I'm feeling slightly daunted this morning. Thinking of all I need to know better. I know a lot, about software development. Web development. But I need to know more. Much more.   8:34:01 AM

This morning, I ran the mouse cursor over the keys to my piano, virtually. The real one waiting for me in Park View, Iowa still. I read over my no-compete, and I'm not worried anymore. It specifically talks about actions which would disrupt the business. None of mine will disrupt Acumen. Tomorrow, a double shift, and I am tired today. I watched last night as my sleeping companion's back muscles twitched and spasmed to some unseen torture, some crazy electrical impulses, some dervish running through her body. It was fascinating, almost like watching someone possessed. Sleep comes to me so solidly that all my relatively long term relationships, Claire, Sarah, Lisa and Samantha, all woke me up at least once, freaked out that I might be dead. I just can't fathom not being at complete rest, my body at least, when I sleep.   12:22:49 AM