Saturday, July 06, 2002

I’m between jobs (projects) right now. The strangeness is setting in. I’ve worked constantly for 23 years; have only been without the safety net of a full time employer once, in 1994. The fact that I willingly walked away from a job “in the mid six figures”, to use the politely vague vernacular, some days strikes me as intensely stupid. I have to make my self remember how unhappy I was. There’s just no amount of money worth being unhappy most of the time – odd, but true. So, five months into my journey and between gigs, the strangeness seeps into my soul. How do people live like this, with so much free time? I’m trying to use the time productively (this blog, for example), but I get the feeling that I’m very, very bad at using my time productively, alone. I’d actually be pretty happy just reading all day, most days. I heard somewhere that what you do when you’re truly alone is what defines you. Frightening thought, that one. There are worse things than being defined as “a reader”, but it’s pretty passive. Not my internal view of myself.   As for being between projects, I really got lucky, landing the first couple of projects fast. The medical device project (link) was fun; I met some great people; I learned a lot and I contributed a bit. And I got paid, always a Good Thing. But I got lucky because I don’t think I could have taken a long hiatus right after I made The Leap. The worry about money, on top of all the other whiny self-dissection about whether I made the right decision or not would have sent me spinning into the void. As it was, I had enough structure to keep me going – a good transition. 12:26:19 PM

I can’t decide if this blog is going to be personal or professional. I’ve never really reconciled those two sides of my existence. I’m leaning toward the professional, because the alternative is just too embarrassing/sophomoric/uninteresting/maudlin/whiny. After all, does anybody really care what I’m thinking – what I’m doing and learning and reading has to be much more interesting. Also, to focus on things personal would mean potential embarrassment by my friends and family, who on occasion might not appreciate the things I have to say. All this said, why do I get drawn to the intensely personal and introspective sites like blueblog (www.mybluehouse.com )? Netted out, I think my blog role model is more along the lines of evhead (www.evhead.com ) or even davezilla (www.davezilla.com ).   I *am* intrigued by the potential for blogs in corporate life (once a corpguy, always a corpguy). It seems they’d be wonderful vehicles for documenting major meetings, offsites, conferences, big client events. I can also imagine using a weblog to keep a development team in synch. 12:25:20 PM

Every blog seems to have this tucked away somewhere. IMHO, it says more about the author than any bio. So here my list of Things I Hate.   Feel free to send me your own entries. These are mine. My hope is that by writing them down, I exorcise the demons and gain some ability to empathize with these icons of evil.   ·         Tailgaters ·         Gantsta rap lyrics ·         Telemarketing calls ·         The unrelenting slide toward old age and feebleness ·         Britney ·         People who won’t eat my cooking because of their stupid diet ·         Cowboy hat wearing country music stars who’ve never seen the country ·         Customer support ·         My golf swing ·         Helping other people use Microsoft’s terminally screwed-up software ·         Saying goodbye ·         Passive aggressive behavior ·         Duke basketball ·         Memory loss ·         My small participation in The Disco Era 12:18:44 PM

I read something today that really rang true and gives me hope. It’s in The Guardian http://www.guardian.co.uk/internetnews/story/0,7369,720305,00.html, a UK rag that I just have to read more often. There’s a lot in this article, but the bit that rang true for me is the thought that in 2002, post-Internet bubble, we’re only left with the geeks, the True Believers. 1999-2001 were filled with suits, marketers, and people who were only in the tech business because it was (a) cool, and (b) lucrative. Now, to be in tech you have to *really* want to be in tech. I like that. It’s the way things were when I started, back in 1979. I didn’t even bother to try and explain what I did for a living back then – I’d just say “I’m an engineer”, and people would nod their head as if they knew. If I’d said “I’m part of the team designing the world’s first massively parallel processor, one that will let us manipulate digital images a million times faster…”…Hmmm, now that I think of it, that’s what I should have done. The reactions would have been interesting. Anyway, the fact that We Who Are Left are hard core tech fanatics is a positive thing. Perhaps the next few years will be fun. 12:15:47 PM

Biggest news of the weekend - I got my first hole in one, after 20+ years of golf! It was very cool. Happened at Tecolote Canyon www.golfsd.com/tecolote.html on July 4th. It was the 6th hole, 138 yards, uphill. I used an 8 iron and hit a perfect, towering shot. Kathryn, Bob Brown and Sandy Holloway all witnessed it. Very cool - still brings a smile to my face 2 days later. I'm well and truly addicted. Even after playing 3 days in a row, I'd gladly go out again today. Oh well... 12:09:42 PM

OK, this is another test. My intent is to have 2 major categories for the blog - one set of posts for people I know, one set just for the world - the latter less personal and more of a narrative describing work and profession. It would be nice if the Friends/Family category could be passworded. We'll see. 10:42:44 AM

© Copyright 2002 Jeff Nichols.