Last night I got home to learn that our daughter had sobbed herself to sleep. Her illusions shattered - the enchantment broken. Fairies are not real.
A few months ago, she came home all excited. At her school, she and a friend of hers had discovered a fairy tree! This tree had little seed pods that contained fairy seeds. She immediately wanted to construct a little fairy play-world and incubate the little seeds until they hatched.
So, we encouraged this flight of wondrous imagination. On a trip, my wife discovered two beautiful cards with images of angels or fairies - so we cut them out from the cards and one of the seeds magically "hatched." Her new friend, Arabella, was conjured from fancy.
Arabella was a source of the most intense and imaginitive play our daughter had ever experienced. She created whole histories and worlds for her to inhabit. She wove magical tales rivalling the best fairy tales I know. Some were a bit of a leap, or included mundane bits of household stuff - Dead leaves, tupperware swimming pools, PollyPockets.
Soon a sign appeared:
Dont come in there is
a reel fairy in heer!
She is very shie and
She dosint like to be desterbed.
SSShhhhh! Thank you
And so it continued.... They began a correspondence. She would spend hours composing notes, asking about the fairy world and details about Arabella's life as a fairy. Her anticipation and delight at receiving a response was palpable! She encouraged a friend at school to hatch a fairy, and so the enchantment spread.
Once, early on, she asked an adult whether fairies were real. The adult said No, she did not believe in fairies.
But she had the story of the Polar Express (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0395389496/104-5362871-9229543?v=glance) in her head. As you may recall, the story ends with the adults and even the little boy's sister unable to hear the silver sleigh-bell that Santa gave him. "It's broken" they say. But those who believe can still hear it.
My daughter made a quick connection, and concluded that adults, and some of the kids, just couldn't hear the bell anymore - and this became shorthand for explaining the fact that she knew Arabella was real, and others didn't.
A few months later, she had a birthday party. Her favorite gift was a Christmas ornament that Arabella gave her. It was delicate and beautiful, and had fairy dust sprinkled in a spiral pattern around it. She loved it.
While we were planning to have Arabella migrate or hibernate for the winter - so that the enchantment would slip into memory, and form an oasis of magical memory for her to tap into - this had worked with Santa, who she concluded was no longer real on her own, and with no trauma.
Unfortunately it was not to be.
She discovered her letters to Arabella in my wife's nightstand last night. She walked out and held them out in front of her - searching, hoping, wanting an explaination that made sense, that would not break the spell! But my wife was so startled and unprepared that she blurted out the cold hard truth. Arabella was not real. Mommie had written the letters (and in some cases Nana). It was a cruel lie. She was terribly sorry. She never meant for it to become so elaborate.
Then the wailing began. The unconsolable crying of our daughter at the tearing down of her world. What about the fairy tree. Just a regular tree with seed pods. What about the pictures she had sent. They were cut from magazines and greeting cards. What about... The Christmas Ornament! It was really a gift from Mom and Dad. And the fairy dust sparkling on the ornament. Not really fairy dust... On and on it went. What about her friend's fairy - it wasn't real either...
Sobbing and Disillusionment - the light ebbed from her eyes. We had hurt her deeply.
That's when I came home - Oh how I wish that I had been the one she confronted. Now my wife is sorry to have let it get started in the first place! Later when putting her to bed and saying prayers - it felt very empty. Would she lose her belief in God too? Didn't it diminish our own!? Telling the truth may be hard up front - she says - but then we're not confronted with this devastating experience later.
No - I don't agree at all! But I wasn't there, I can't criticize my wife after she just went through this. Yet, I believe that it was a tremendous and good thing! Imagination and fantasy must me nurtured and explored. Deep down, she knew. Even if she didn't, she did believe that one day she would not be able to hear the bell ring anymore. Why not let that ringing be a quite memory - not a dull clang of reality setting in.
Now we need give her some space - then to help her to reconstruct a new lenchantment. A deeper level of magic for her. There are things beyond our understanding. Dimensions we cannot percieve. Things seen and things unseen that we profess to believe in. Each time we learn that one enchantment was not sufficient, we must not give up on enchantment all-together! We must allow a newer deeper, real-er muse to lead us to a world that we want desperately to inhabit. A world with magic, with spirit, with emotion, with enchantment.
So, muse, sing me and my daughter and my wife a new song. A song that will weave a new spell, a good spell, a spell we can test and not find wanting - for now and perhaps for always.
9:46:07 AM 
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