It's a great Sunday afternoon outside. Today my parents and aunt spread my grandfather's ashes in San Diego. It's been three years to the day since they did my grandmother's ashes. My great aunt and her husband from New York are coming over tomorrow. Everyone is coming over for a bbq int he afternoon. I hope my Aunt Jeanie comes with them. She is hilarious. We get along great whenever I got back east and visit.

A few years ago, and it still continues to a degree now, I lived two completely different lives. I was Amanda to certain people like my family and immediate friends, and something completely different away from those people. Without going into long, boring details, I learned the hard way it is not healthy to lead two lives. I had a breakdown and was lost. I didn't know how to live my life any other way. The two came together and now we have the current Amanda. There is still a certain amount of secrecy to my life, but not to the degree it was before. These few lines from an Elliott Smith song and it reminded me of my past self.

and oh my, nothing else could've been done/
she made her life a lie/
so she might never have to know anyone/
made her life the lie you know/

4:23:39 PM  #  Speak to Me []