The Last Rebel Coders

By Juha Haataja

The last rebel coders in Finland were arrested at the Nuuksio National Park near Helsinki on Monday morning. The rebels hiding in a lakeside sauna cottage were suprised by the joint force of the authorities. The coastal guard approached the sauna from Lake Pitkajarvi using speedboats while the police task force attacked from the land. Two heavy helicopters covered the operation.

Two men and one woman were captured at the lakeside sauna. A nanny from a childcare center was detained at the nearby road. She had acted as a liason for the rebels. The authorities found several versions of Linux distributions at the sauna. In addition, other prohibited material was found, for example copies of articles from old IT magazines.

We reached the commander of the task force at Nuuksio, Mr. Innanen. "Finland can no more be thought as a supporter of the rebel coders", said Mr. Innanen. He was relaxed yet determined and was wearing a tiger-striped camouflage suit and a fragmentation vest. "This operation will generate fear in those who want to use Finland as a base for their unlawful operations."

We asked a statement from Ms. Kaapio, a spokeswoman for the Council handling licenses of digital material. "At last the rebel coders have been tamed in Finland", says Ms. Kaapio. "We can forget our nightmarish past and build the future using officially sanctioned licenses."

In the beginning of the 21st century Microsoft had difficulties in fighting open source development, which spread like cancer. In the year 2003 negotiations to open the European Union to Microsoft products run into a dead end. At this point the US goverment formed a new organization based on Microsoft, CIA, FBI, and other government organizations. This resulted in the birth of the World Digital Council, WDC.

The forming of the WDC was clearly necessary, because computer viruses were making it difficult to use the networks. The development and spreading of viruses was made into a capital offence. The WDC has access to NATO forces to prevent the substitution of Microsoft software with other products.

The initial target of the WDC was to oversee the use of Microsoft products, but the organization soon covered the licensing of all digital material. In the year 2005 a law was passed both in the USA and in the EU making it illegal for other companies than Microsoft to announce revolutionary products. Other products became counterrevolutionary and thus banned.

The WDC collects the license payments of digital material. In addition, Finland has purchased from WDC a service for collecting taxes and the obligatory social security and pension payments.

The WDC maintains the Passport files of all citizens in the USA and in the EU. The centralized service provides access to social security data, credit information, consumer data, health status, police records, statements of employers, and DNA data. The Passport system makes it possible to automatically send a citizen to a mental health or correctionary institution.

The capture of the rebel coders ends the notorious reputation of Finland as a supporter of Open Source development. This image stems from 20 years ago when Linux Torvalds announced the first version of the Linux operating system. Mr. Torvalds bacame a head figure of the rebel movement. He has been granted refugee status in India.

Mr. Socia, representing Microsoft, told us: "The Finnish people will have the next generation interface from Microsoft. The digital terminal YQ weights only 130 grams. It will be installed immediately after birth using frontal lobe surgery." According to Mr. Socia the YQ terminal will fulfill all psychosocial needs of the children. The device uses feedback to drive the development to the right direction. The YQ terminal is available in capacities of 5, 8, and 12 terabytes. The monthly license payments are from 99 to 499 euros depending on the service contract.

About the author

The author manages information technology for science. He learned to walk at two and formed whole sentences at four. His development has currently stopped almost completely.