I was skimming Thomas G. Bandy's "Moving Off the Map: a field guide to changing the congregation" last night when i was caught up by this paragraph:

"The experience of relationship with Jesus is actually more like eros than agape. It is a rush of fulfillment, rather than sacrifice. It is a joyful creativity. It is an ecstacy of union. It is constant preoccupation with "the Beloved" through every minute of the day. It is the irrational passion articulated in Song of Songs and the love that is "to die for" articulated in Romans 14:8. Such an experience of the divine is an alternate thread running through the history of Christian thought and one that has been recoverd by many feminist theologians today" (27).

It spoke to the "Mary" side of my Mary-Martha mix. Like the first time i saw a photograph of The Ecstacy of St. Therese, i was drawn to the imagery, longing for that depth - that intimacy of relationship that Theresa of Avila had with Jesus. It is so much easier for me to relate to Jesus like Martha did:

"Look at me Jesus! Aren't I working hard for you? See all the plates I can spin...all the tricks I can do?" (read story...)

But what i really long for is to be still and know Him and really believe He loves me not for what i can do but simply that i am.