Showed this to Chris Wiman at West Chester — he suggested third person and ensured I'd pay attention by mentioning Auden:
First Revelation
At school they beat me up, a skinny fart
Who'd shit his pants and tried to hide the turds
Inside his desk, and even worse, was smart.
No good with feet or fists, I fought with words —
And magic words were what I found at church.
I still remember how to change the wine
To blood, know the words to make God search
My soul for sin or cast demons from swine.
Most magical of all, I learned that girls
At church would listen to the words I made
With loosening hearts and thighs and give me pearls
Of great price, thinking it to be fair trade.
God knows I was a wicked boy. A beast.
And I decided to become a priest.
Among other things, there's no conflict in the new version, below, resulting from the knowledge that I, in fact, did not become a priest. I think it led to some more interesting lines in the second and third quatrains, as well.
First Revelation
At school they beat him up, a skinny fart
Who'd shit his pants and tried to hide the turds
Inside his desk, and even worse, was smart.
No good with feet or fists, he fought with words,
And magic words were what he found at church —
Not just the incantation changing wine
To blood, the rituals that make God search
The soul for sin or cast demons from swine,
But cadences and tones for pretty pious girls
Who listening, blushed, then laughed, then sighed and prayed,
Then loosened hearts and thighs and gave him pearls
Of great price, thinking it to be fair trade.
God knows he was a wicked, boyish beast.
And he decided to become a priest.
Edited 2005 06 15 8:41 pm
7:11:14 PM 
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