between the freeway and my apartment on the way home i was behind a nissan 350z.  those things are loud.  and just about the most hideous vehicle ever - next to the isetta.

6:54:43 PM    say it! []  

I was going to keep this stuff private, but it is what's goin on in my life and it seems it's only my side of it that's keeping it private (as in shared with my friends, family and those involved - not the general public at large). if the other side wants it aired publically... then who am i to stand in their way!

 

Unless you are going to make some amazing effort to convince me you were ever the best friend I thought you were, then you need to stop writing me. If I delete your account on the forum, it will be because I choose to. Same with the story you submitted to the library. I said your email accounts were for life when I gave them to you. I won't remove them. This is classic!! The nerdy Internet admin strikes again. Power struggle. Nice touch.

As for me, I figured I'd give you a chance. I figured that I would leave things be and see if you made any attempt to show you actually cared about being a friend. You haven't. You lied to me about stuff with Charlie. Lied to the person you claim was your best friend for what? For a guy you only know online and only a few months at that. How is that supposed to make me feel about you calling me your 'best' friend? Perhaps people lie in order to make other people not get hurt. Perhaps they know something would hurt someones feelings and they won’t be able to avoid the subject so they just lie. I’ve done that plenty of times. Like the time he asked me if I thought he was ugly. What am I supposed to say? He's not my type. Doesn’t really matter – the only fix would have been to completely stop talking to someone and no one tells me to do that – I don’t care who they are. Done it once and regretted it. Yeah, I tend not to regret things – but I would go back and change that one. I suppose caring about being a friend means apologizing or running back to this guy and saying I’d never talk to any other guy ever again. Cause that’s how its been our whole friendship. He never liked ANY guy I talked to. Ever. Unless it was him.

"I don't know what Charlie looks like, I don't have any pictures of him." That was a lie. "I won't talk to Charlie about you anymore, Ryan." Yet I find out you told him EVERYTHING that happened concerning me while I was visiting you in January. Once again I ask you, how is a person supposed to believe you when you call him your best friend when you do things like this? Perhaps I went back into my history got the pics and saved them to show them to him. Good thing I opted not to. In hindsight I always know my first reaction is the right one. But what does that mean? That means that this guy was going through my files on my computer. How much of a friend is that? Oh let me point out that he went through my other stuff in my house as well while I was away at work. What a friend! I can’t be trusted but this guy can’t keep his nose out of another’s business. Nice! Perhaps, just maybe, Charlie along with MANY other people told me what was going to happen when Ryan got here long before it had ever happened. And you know what? This Charlie guy wasn’t the first person I told. I told Richie first. How does that make you feel Ryan? Oh wait, you don’t like him either. That’s right. I talk to him. Point is, many people told me this would happen when he came to visit long before it did and I didn’t believe it.

I also find out that he tells people it was a 'mutual choice' that you and I stopped talking and 'took a break for awhile'. This is news to me. I don't recall having any say so in you deciding to ignore me for a month. I didn’t ignore for a month. As I recall, we emailed and IMed a few times and I think there were PMs. All went sour and I just didn’t want that. But let’s back up for just one second. The month of leaving things hanging was not due to the me and Ryan bullshit. It was due to all the other things going on in my life, which a friend would understand and allow me to work out. Also, it was suggested to me to cease all contact from Ryan from that point on. But it wasn’t Charlie who suggested it. In fact he suggested nothing. Go figure!

I was blown away the past month. I really thought you were a better person than this. Are you loyal to anything? You've never been fully loyal to a boyfriend. You've never been a fully loyal friend to me. From the way you act, it appears to me that you think with your pussy the way a lot of guys think with their dicks and it sure seems you want to fuck charlie. You betrayed your own best friend for him. I also thought you were a lot smarter. Just about everyone else can see the slimeball that he is and how hard he has worked to come between us and you allowed it. Can you not see it or did you just not care? I’ve been blown away the past few weeks as well. A real friend wouldn’t air my dirty laundry about stories they aren’t truly knowledgeable about to strangers and allow it to go public on internet message boards. How about all the lies I have been told about other people? Even people who were once mutual friends? There is one thing I am truly loyal to, though. Actually two. One: myself and Two: never being Ryan’s friend again. And how does he know I have not been truly loyal to any boyfriend? Where the fuck does that come from? I realize he thinks that kissing people is not loyalty. But c’mon people. Let’s say we throw out the boyfriends I have had and kissed others as well. That still leaves James – what’s that Ryan? Who? Yeah, you don’t know anything about him. And after that it still leaves Chris, Mike, and Dave. Point is I have a boyfriend that I love, and when getting angry with me over that backfired, it moved on to getting angry with me cause Ryan thinks I want to fuck Charlie. Ryan thinks I want to fuck EVERYONE. But when I don’t want to fuck him, that’s when we have situations like these. I never betrayed. Never. I just never had an interest in Ryan. Who could blame me?

I didn't want this bullshit. I tried like hell to defuse the situation with Charlie starting in October. It wouldn't have been a problem if you had worked with me. It really makes me wonder to know you played along with all of this and never tried to stop any of it. As for January, I can understand you being flipped out and needing time but how you did it and running to Charlie was the coldest thing you've ever done to me. Trying like hell to diffuse the situation in October? That is absolutely laughable. “There’s stuff I know that I can’t tell you.” Wow. I think Ryan needs to work for the government as a negotiator. I was supposed to work with Ryan? As in scheme? As in slowly stop talking to someone? And I didn’t run to Charlie. I ran to Richie and Grant and Charlie and my mother and the admin girl at work. :) But wait, who did ryan run to? Every single person on the internet that he could get his hands on, that’s who. People I had no idea existed know about this. How is that better than what he thinks I did?

In my mind, because I'm that 'nice guy', I haven't written you completely out of my life. I know you are stubborn and strong-willed and so you're probably too prideful to ever admit you fucked up. If you really have any desire to be my friend again, you'll prove it to me. How, I don't know. If you make no attempt, then I'll simply know you really never were the friend I thought you were. If you aren't going to make an effort, with no head games and being completely sincere, then don't reply or contact me. I'll get the message. -Ryan To call himself a nice guy is true comedy. That I am the one that needs to admit I fucked up is even funnier. I wasn’t the one who tried to break up a 3-year relationship, grab people when not wanted, berate people when they are in love with someone else, or let strangers drag my reputation and past through the mud when it doesn’t concern them at all, should I go on? I don’t need to. If I make no attempt it does not mean I was never the friend I was made out to be. It means the end does not justify the means.

 

there are more. i need to dig around for them. richie do you still have any copies?

9:50:12 AM    say it! []