The Shadow Government Ltd.: Rants and Raves

Militant My Ass

Fri, 03 Sep 2004 12:33:29 GMT

Militant My Ass

So when did the news departments of the major networks decide that terrorist was a dirty word and that militant should be used instead? You decide:

mil·i·tant ADJECTIVE: 1. Fighting or warring. 2. Having a combative character; aggressive, especially in the service of a cause: a militant political activist.

NOUN:    A fighting, warring, or aggressive person or party.
ETYMOLOGY:    Middle English, from Old French, from Latin mlitns, mlitant-, present participle of mlitre, to serve as a soldier. See militate.
OTHER FORMS:    mili·tance, mili·tan·cy -NOUN
mili·tant·ly -ADVERB

ter·ror·ist NOUN:   One that engages in acts or an act of terrorism.
ADJECTIVE:    Of or relating to terrorism.
OTHER FORMS:    terror·istic -ADJECTIVE

ter·ror·ism NOUN:    The unlawful use or threatened use of force or violence by a person or an organized group against people or property with the intention of intimidating or coercing societies or governments, often for ideological or political reasons.

Definitions from The American Heritage^® Dictionary of the English Language - Fourth Edition.

Also, if the teleprompter readers that pass for news anchors at WCBS 2 use the words team coverage one more time while covering Hurricane Frances, I'm going to put my fist through the TV.

File under Rants and Raves.

Why Censored WiFi?

Thu, 02 Sep 2004 23:09:55 GMT

Why Censored WiFi?

I was ecstatic when I saw the Free WiFi Inside sign at my local Panera. I had visions of downing hot cups of java and broadband wireless without having to pay the ridiculous prices that T-Mobile charges over at Starbucks. So, I was clicking over to one of my favorite daily reads when this came up on the screen:

This site is blocked by the SonicWALL Content Filter Service.
URL: http://www.dogsnot.net/mt/
Reason for restriction: Forbidden Category "Violence/Hate/Racism"

You've got to be kidding me right? I mean, Dog Snot Diaries?

Who the hell makes these decisions? I mean, I'm an adult and I don't need some corporate asshat telling me what I can read on the web. It wouldn't let me on to FARK either, because it was considered to be "pornographic." What are they afraid of, somebody's going to be looking over my shoulder and I might be looking at a boobies link? You know what? Stop looking over my friggin' shoulder and drink your coffee you pervert!

Selah.

File under Rants and Raves.

I Dreamt I Was Defending a Deposition...

Fri, 13 Aug 2004 03:40:34 GMT

I Dreamt I Was Defending a Deposition...

...and woke up to discover I was.

Just kidding. But I did sit through an interminable "examination" of my client by an inexperienced lawyer who confused being repetitive with being thorough. After the first 15 minutes I could have objected to practically every question this idiot asked. The trouble was, it would have turned an 8 hour deposition into a 10 hour one. So, I let him go his merry way for the most part; entirely missing the point of what he was doing. He brought the tedium back to redundancy. But what can you expect with the state of the legal ~~profession~~ business these days. Clients won't pay to have a young associate attend a deposition being conducted by a more senior lawyer (even though they are benefiting from another client that paid for senior's attendance while he was young) and law firms, being greedy as they are, won't eat the billables either. So, instead, you have an ineffective examination taken by an inexperienced lawyer that just wastes his client's money. The trouble is it also wastes my time and my client's money.

It got to the point where I could envision the following scenario playing out following another confusing and convoluted question:

ME: "Objection."

YOUNG LAWYER: "On what grounds?"

ME: "The grounds are that at some point I completely lost interest in what you were asking."

So, while all of this was going on (and while, during breaks, I was on the phone desperately trying to hold a deal together for another client) all hell was breaking loose. Jeez, I just can't go away for a minute without the whole world going down the crapper.

The other day we had the incident with Mike "What-the-F**k-Are-You-Looking-At" Wallace and the cowboys who looked to go federal on him. Today, we had Smilin' Jim McGreevey. I guess if you're former Connecticut Governor John Rowland you have to be glad that it's taking some of the attention away from your problems. Well it seems that not only have some of Smilin' Jim's cronies been caught with their hands in the till, but Smilin' Jim has been caught with his hand in another man's pants. More Democrat Family Values I suppose. They're even proposing a category over at FARK. Democrat Richard Codey, the current president of the state senate said, "Jim McGreevey is a good person and a good friend and today's events sadden me." Good person? Not only was he looking to put his Johnson in another man's caboose, but he was cheating on his wife to boot.

The way I see it, this is the least of his problems. Let's look at the tally for his administration:

Some of his most trusted advisors and friends -- Gary Taffet, Paul Levinsohn, Roger Chugh, and David D’Amiano have all been under investigation or have been indicted for serious offenses. Most recent was D'Amiano for influence peddling and extortion schemes involving a Piscataway, New Jersey farm owner.
Smilin' Jim spent $105,000 of the state’s money on drinks for some distant cousins during a trip to Ireland.
He had previously named his boyfriend Golan Cipel to a job as as coordinator of New Jersey's anti-terrorism efforts. A job he wasn’t even remotely qualified to do.
He took a a vacation to Puerto Rico with some questionable cash from the mob-tied Longshoreman’s union.
His top fund raiser, Charles Kushner, who almost became head of the Port Authority, was indicted and accused of secretly hiring prostitutes to video-tape and embarrass a witness in an ongoing campaign finance investigation. (Although McGreevey himself was not indicted, he was implicated in that case for using the code word "Machiavelli." That word was established by undercover federal investigators to signal his complicity in a scheme to extort campaign money in exchange for help in a land dispute.)

I won't even get into his out-and-out imcompetence as governor. But, in his defense, I guess we'd never have to worry about him refering to the loyal opposition as girly men.

File under Rants and Raves.

A Little Traveling Music Sam

Thu, 12 Aug 2004 03:18:04 GMT

A Little Traveling Music Sam

It's been a long day. First, I had to shlep all the way into Brooklyn for an early morning meeting at a client's office. Most of the way back was spent on the cellphone (hands-free of course) trying to pull another client's fat out of the fire while driving into the teeth of a bad thunderstorm. Well, at least it felt like summer, not like fall the way it's been.

Listening to Imus in the Morning on the way in I heard about Mike Wallace's little altercation with two Taxi and Limousine Commission "inspectors." At first I thought it was some kind of put-on, but the story was real. Normally, I enjoy a good tale of a celeb getting into a little trouble like this with the obligatory Nick Nolte-like mug shot posted at The Smoking Gun. Yeah, just a little revelling in the agony of others. Except that I can't stand these cowboys either. It's not even like they're real cops. They're just pains-in-the-ass.

"I'm an 86-year-old man," Wallace told the Post. "For whatever reason, this guy and his buddy were intent upon telling me that I was interfering with the execution of the law."

Haven't we all been there with these kinds of jackasses. I've got nothing against the police. It's just clowns like these, or the dick-head local-suburban-speed-trap cops; they get a badge and a gun and all of a sudden they're Dirty Harry. That reminds me, last night on my way home from work I saw that dirt-bag that works the speed trap on I-287. He was getting towed. I almost pissed myself. I'd like Mike to show up outside the houses of these two jackasses with a 60 Minutes camera crew. That was always my worst nightmare. That knock at the door and then, "Hello, I'm Mike Wallace. Can I ask you a few questions?" Might as well book that flight to Belize right now. But, I digress.

When I got back to the office, checking my newsreader, I came across a post by Ernie the Attorney discussing former New York Times Executive Editor Harold Raines' opinion that blogs are nothing but "unsourced ranting." Yeah, from the guy that brought us the Jayson Blair fiasco. Go figure.

Well, I finally left the office at about 7:30 pm and started bookin' up I-287 on the way home. I popped an Allman Brothers Band CD in the changer, something I hadn't listened to in a long time. There's just something about moving at high speed down the road listening to Southbound (even though I was northbound at the time). I drove into another bad storm with hail about the size of marbles and finally made it home, eating a late dinner and then sitting down to post these rambling thoughts of mine.

Ah, Paxil free for 26 days now. That fog is finally starting to clear.

File under Rants and Raves.

How About A Reality Check?

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 03:32:33 GMT

How About A Reality Check?

According to this story, Intel's CEO wants an employee attitude check. I think that maybe some grossly over-compensated CEO's who are outsourcing our jobs to places like India need a reality check. Try living on what your employees make.

File under Rants & Raves.

Sick and Tired

Wed, 07 Apr 2004 12:43:22 GMT

Sick and Tired

I'm getting really tired of these stupid names we give our military operations. Why don't we come up with some interesting ones like Operation Brutal Vengeance, Operation Response All Out of Proportion, or Operation Overkill?

The jug heads hit the city from every country round the globe
The ships pulled in the drinks were free the ticker tape came out in rolls
I was sitting in a bar watching this on TV
To me it looked like a failure but they called it victory

Well if you can sleep at night go ahead that's great
You're just dreaming anyway if you don't get irate
Come on turn it into hate
Turn it into hate

Send your little boys and girls to go and play in a giant sandbox
Put your movie stars on the cover of People for goin' in for a detox
Let your happy-face news readers share a little joke
at the end of the night's transmission
Let's see the world through the eyes
of some clown gonna make all of your decisions

Well if you can sleep at night go ahead that's great
It's all been manufactured like the junk that's on your plate
Come on turn it into hate
Turn it into hate

Some of them lead the marching band suddenly they're war heroes
Some of them fall in a foreign land Suddenly they're just zeroes
Some of us go back to sleep Some of us learn to fear it
There's a siren blowin' in your heart You just don't want to hear it

Well if you can sleep at night go ahead that's all right
Ah just don't start a fight with anyone rich and white
Turn it into hate
Turn it into hate
Turn it, turn it, turn it, turn it Turn it into hate

--Graham Parker, Turn It Into Hate from the album Acid Bubblegum

File under Rants and Raves.

Dark Days

Tue, 23 Mar 2004 04:30:55 GMT

Dark Days

The Sun has a solar flare
The Earth just tilted on its axis
The demon lies in his lair
And licks at the goddess Abraxas
Volcanoes long long dormant
Send up plumes of gas
India and Pakistan
Start talkin' trash
In these dark days

Let's walk to the nearest cliff
Let's walk to the river
There's been a seismic shift
I felt the whole Earth quiver
Let's hold the party we said
We would always hold
Me with their blood on my hands
You with their gold
In these dark days

Your conscience is worthless here
Go peddle it under the street lights
The hubris of love you carry
Is attracting a swarm of meat flies
Brandish brandish your weapon babe
Sharpen your sharpest knives
If you're not the king or the queen
You're just working for the hive
In these dark days

--Graham Parker, from the album Deepcut to Nowhere

File under Rants and Raves.

An Alien Way of Thinking

Sat, 13 Mar 2004 20:10:46 GMT

An Alien Way of Thinking

As I was browsing my way through the blogosphere the other day I came across this over at Michele's site and it got me thinking:

I think of mothers in other countries, mothers who praise their god when their son dies in a suicide bombing because he was able to kill many "enemies." I think of fathers who train their children in the use of explosives, parents who dress their children in weaponry and ammunition, parents who teach their children that killing is good, that being a martyr will get you free sex in the afterlife.

I can't imagine raising my child to die. I don't know what it's like to have a policeman knock on your door in the middle of the night to say your son has been arrested for manslaughter. I don't know what it's like to have your daughter call you from a payphone in the city, asking you for help in getting away from her pimp. I don't want to know.

I think that one of the conceits we have as Americans is we think that people all over the world think the same way we do and want the same things. The fact is, there are people in this world whose entire mindset and way of thinking is as alien as if they came from another galaxy. We had better begin to understand that since we're going to have to deal with these people for a long time.

File under Rants and Raves.

Your Conspiracy Theory Of The Day

Tue, 24 Feb 2004 01:54:56 GMT

Your Conspiracy Theory Of The Day

Over at FARK they posted a story that ran at ABC News' website about a secret report prepared by the Pentagon warning that climate change may lead to global catastrophe costing millions of lives and it being a far greater risk than terrorism. Of course, some idiot going by the handle gfunk420 had to take the ball and run with it in the comments:

A Symposium was held in 1957, which was attended by some of the great scientific minds then living. They reached the conclution that by or shortly after the year 2,000 the planet WOULD self destruct due to increased population and man's exploitation of the environment.

By secret Executive Order of President Eisenhower, the Jason Scholars were ordered to study this scenario and make recommendations from their findings. The Jason Society CONFIRMED the finding of the scientists and made three recommendations called "Alternatives One, Two, and Three." "Alternative One" was to use nuclear devices to blast holes in the Stratosphere from which the heat and pollution could escape into space. Change the human cultures from that of exploitation into cultures of environmental protection. Of the three this was decided to be the least likely to succeed due to the inherent nature of man and the additional damage the Nuclear explosions would themselves create. "Alternative Two" was to build a a vast network of underground cities and tunnels in which a select representation of all cultures and occupations would survive and carry on the human race. The rest of humanity would be left to fend for thenselves on the surface of the planet. "Alternative Three" was to exploit the alien and conventional technology in order for a select few to leave the earth and establish colonies in outer space. I am not able to either confirm or deny the existence of "Batch Consignments" of human slaves, which would be used for the manual labor in the effort as a part of the plan. The Moon, code named "Adam," would be the object of primary interest followed by the planet Mars, code named "Eve." As a delaying action,

All THREE ALTERNATIVES included birth control, sterilization, and the introduction of deadly microbes to control or slow the growth of the Earth's population. AIDS is only ONE result of these plans. There are others. It was decided, since the population must be reduced and controlled, that it would be in the best interest of the human race to rid ourselves of the undesirable elements of our society. The joint U.S. and Soviet leadership dismissed "Alternative One," but ordered work to begin on Alternative Two and Three virtually at the same time.

When taken to task over his wild-ass remarks, our Farker continued:

we do things the american way. lie and fark others in the arse. bush is part of the secret government that doesnt care about the big picture. maybe they did something to the enviornment to cause the global warming to cause poor countries to get more poor without spending a dime, which would inevitablly keep them in power. on the conspiracy pages they claimed that the secret government also staged the 9/11 attacks to instill fear in society similarly to what hitler would do to his society. (bush family = nazis) were all screwed if bush wins in 04

Later on, he goes on to say:

look back into george bush senior's past and tell me that G.W. doesnt have the same goals and objectives. hell, go back to W's grandfather... he and 7 others gave millions upon millions to hitler.

Where the hell does this guy get his "facts?" I'll bet he's down in his basement right now with a tin-foil hat on his head so the secret government can't read his thoughts. (By the way, those of us over hear at the Shadow Government take exception to his statements. We have never, I repeat, never, allowed either Dubya or his father into our little club. Now Dick Cheney...)

If anybody out there can come up with some research to back these wacko assertions, I'd love to hear from you. I know I'll be burning the midnight oil looking into this. You just can't trust anybody can you?

File under Rants and Raves.

Which Video To Buy?

Tue, 23 Dec 2003 00:17:10 GMT

Which Video To Buy?

I can't take credit for this, I got it by email. But I'll throw it out there for what it's worth:

THE PROBLEM: Two Videos are for sale - Which to Buy? The Titanic
Video or The Clinton Video??? Decisions, decisions......

TITANIC VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet
CLINTON VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet

TITANIC VIDEO: Over 3 hours long
CLINTON VIDEO: Over 3 hours long

TITANIC VIDEO: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and
subsequent catastrophe.
CLINTON VIDEO: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love,
and subsequent catastrophe.

TITANIC VIDEO: Jack is a starving artist
CLINTON VIDEO: Bill is a bullshit artist

TITANIC VIDEO: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar
CLINTON VIDEO: Ditto for Bill

TITANIC VIDEO: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined
CLINTON VIDEO: Ditto for Monica

TITANIC VIDEO: Jack teaches Rose to spit
CLINTON VIDEO: Let's not go there

TITANIC VIDEO: Rose gets to keep her jewelry
CLINTON VIDEO: Monica forced to return her gifts

TITANIC VIDEO: Rose remembers Jack forever
CLINTON VIDEO: Clinton doesn't remember jack

TITANIC VIDEO: Jack surrenders to an icy death
CLINTON VIDEO: Bill goes home to Hillary ... basically the same thing.

So, which one would you buy?

File under Rants and Raves.