Tuesday, September 16, 2003
Coming soon...
The Super Atlantic Ave. Starbucks Trivial Pursuit Challenge.
Do you know more than the three random Starbucks employees working at Starbucks on Atlantic Ave. this morning? Accept the challenge and find out...
11:53:05 AM
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I have to comment on the breakup of Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. I can't resist.
More than just a blip on the POP Culture radar screen, this is one of those events that confirms that "the fix is in", that we're all being lied to (in very predictable ways), that celebrities aren't people and don't need to be treated like people any more than Ronald McDonald or Bob's Big Boy are people. Even if you could somehow prove that they believed at some point that they were in a real relationship, it wouldn't matter. These aren't people they are walking, talking blank slates with no brains, no souls and no feelings of any kind whatsoever. They have no personal lives, their limited time off camera is carefully staged to build anticipation for their next public appearance.
They are robots. For proof of this look no further than the definition of a robot:
A mechanical device that sometimes resembles a human and is capable of performing a variety of often complex human tasks on command or by being programmed in advance.
I predicted this break up and I'm proud of that fact because it makes me feel superior.
I predicted the relationship and the break up as a matter of fact. How?
Ben makes Jennifer big fat ass and her awful personality more appealing to white consumers and Jennnifer makes Ben look a little less white for everyone else. Or Not to mention that she makes him seem less gay and he makes her seem less violent. Together they make a pretty good multi-ethnic GAP sans 1 asian girl. superior.
I predicted the relationship and the break up as a matter of fact. How?
They got together to sell each other. Think of it like the entertainment industries version of a bundle deal. Ben is the first three months of Showtime free to Jennifers Extended Basic cable subscription.
Now why did they not get married?
1. They never planned on getting married. Once married they would seem less appealing to everyone except the famous people who they hang out with, who would all get a new rush out of screwing these two, that's pretty good but that crowd doesn't buy a lot CDs and movie tickets so not good enough.
2. "Bennifer" was not going away and was not going to be acceptable to either one of them.
3. Gigli. I'm not convinced that the entire relationship wasn't a stunt to sell tickets to this piece of shit movie. The movie is over and so is the relationship.
More about this later... my laptop battery is dying and it's time for lunch.
11:50:39 AM
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This a repost of something that I originally put up at my GoGoHappySunshine-Hiptop site. It's an introduction to my movie review/rating system.
I'm posting it here as a way of introducing movie reviews at this site. I'm glad to be able to introduce an innovation in movie reviewing as a gift to you, my dedicated readers.
Let me know what you think or offer me a job doing movie reviews for your publication.
Pay me to review any movie. You pick the movie and I'll post the review. The cost of this unique, one of a kind service is $10.00 + the cost of the movie itself... either 2 tickets to a movie currently playing in theaters at the going rate in Boston, MA or the price of the DVD.
Crazy?
No.
:O)
I've always brought you cutting edge reviews with my 1 - 10 rating system which is clearly x2 as good as the five star ratings used by other so-called "professional" reviewers and my system is capable of delivering reviews as much as 5x more powerful than the "thumbs up/thumbs down system" popularized by Siskel and Ebert, certainly a classic but let's face it this is the 21 century and people need a 21st century movie review. It's time for two thumbs to step aside in deference to real progress. That having been said, fans and friends I'm prepared to announce that the 1 - 10 points system was yesterday's revolution.
Today I'm introducing... my Degree of Difficulty scale (patent pending).
Here's how it works:
A movie that is supposed to be a good movie (think "The Matrix Reloaded") would start with a higher degree of difficulty or DD (1 - 10 degree of difficulty points, DDP) and a movie that is supposed to be a bad movie ("Dumb and Dumber" for ex.) would be assigned a low degree of difficulty. I'm now free to review the movie within the context of it's degree of difficulty value (DDV) and avoid any confusion that would result from a good, dumb comedy receiving the same final total, or FT, as a good epic.
The DDV (degree of difficulty value) is then multiplied by the RT (Review Total) to arrive at the FRV (Final Review Valuation).
DDV x RT = FRV
A perfect score is now 100 TP (Total Points). With this one bold move, I think you'll agree, the field of movie reviewing has taken a giant leap forward. I want to thank all of you for taking this journey with me. Who knows where we'll go tomorrow. I make you this promise...
As long as the dreamers keep dreaming their dreams (by which I mean to say, as long Hollywood stays on the crapper and keeps pushing out one turd of a movie after another), I'll fight tirelessly to stand my ground in the face of a fearless adversary of almost invincible power and against all odds, and I'll assign points to the the movies that are the results of those dreams and to innovate and reinnovate with innovations like those that I've already innovated and those that have never been innovated before, in new and entirely different ways.
11:09:36 AM
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