Alex L. Mauldin: News

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 17:20:34 GMT

But Dem Jackhammers Are *coughcough* So Loud

A new low in humanity was unearthed by The Roanoke Times when they included a photo of an obviously pregnant woman smoking a cigarette in an article about folks complaining about noise generated by street repairs.

Mellissa Williamson, the mother to be, understandably caused an uproar when the photo hit the newstands. Her peculiar choice of priorities struck a nerve, even deep in tobacco country. When a reporter went back and interviewed her again about why she smokes while pregnant, she had this astute analysis of the situation:

"It would be good if I cut back, but if I totally quit, it would not only cause stress on me but it would cause stress on the baby."

Oh, ok. As if birth defects from sucking down those heaters won't cause a bit of stress, either.

The article further delves into this mountain of questionable judgment:

She didn't finish high school. She hasn't seen her father since she was 13. She has worked in fast food, but doesn't have a job.

"I've heard of the Internet," she said, "but I've never used it. I have no knowledge of computers whatsoever."

She didn't learn about her widespread critics until a few days after the photo appeared. Her ex-husband said his co-workers had talked about it.

"It didn't bother me," she said. "It went in one ear and out the other. I've heard this all my life."

Nice going, Mellissa. Here's to hoping Ellllen or Rogger never gets home schooled.

Related link:

Criticism doesn't bother smoker

Sun, 20 Feb 2005 11:39:17 GMT

Bush Comes To Germany

Later this week Bush will be visiting Germany. Already we've been warned about some of the planned demonstrations, especially around the Mainz area where he'll be spending some quality time with the German Chancellor.

Makes me wonder if Air Force One will fly into the Frankfurt airport or into Ramstein AFB. Since I'm so close to Ramstein (eight miles or so), I'm hoping for the later. How cool would it be to see Air Force One fly right over my house? Unfortunately, no firm schedules have been released, and with it being so chilly, I'm not likely to just camp out in the backyard with camera in hand.

Stars and Stripes has an interesting article about all the security precautions surrounding the visit. Understandable since so many people over here can't stand the guy. The article also mentions that Mrs. Bush might visit some of the military installations around here. Five years ago Mrs. Clinton stopped by the school I teach at. Wonder if the current First Lady will follow in her footsteps.

I'll get back to you if anything happens.

Related links:

Deutsche Welle: Bush, Europe Set To Mend Fences
Deutsche Welle: Mainz to Lockdown for Bush Visit

Fri, 11 Feb 2005 15:56:17 GMT

The Worst Story You'll Ever Read

LONDON (Reuters) - A British woman was sentenced to two and a half years in jail Thursday for ripping off her ex-lover's testicle with her bare hands during a drunken brawl after he refused her sex.
Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage in May last year after Geoffrey Jones, 37, who had ended their long-term relationship, rejected her advances.

She grabbed him by the genitals, tearing off his left testicle, then hid it in her mouth before a friend of Jones handed it back to him saying "that's yours."

Monti, of Birkenhead, near Liverpool, pleaded guilty to unlawful wounding at an earlier hearing.

I could comment on this, but I think it speaks for itself. Italics mine.

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 12:47:18 GMT

Before And After

I'll be the first to admit that I've never tried meth. Never even been offered the stuff. Guess I don't run in those circles.

So since I've never tried or even seen someone who has tried it other than on Cops, I can't vouch for its effects.

But OregonLive.com can. They've posted a series of photos of meth users called The Faces of Meth showing them early on in their meth addiction and then later by either months or years. Some of the transformations are startling.

Take Gwyneth Paltrow. I honestly had no clue she was a meth user. I thought she was busy pumping out kids with weird names. See, I'm just way out of the loop. But apparently she's been hitting meth awfully hard, and that meth hits back. Hits so hard she forget to moisturize.

There's a whole bunch of other before and after pics. Some, to be honest, look better after their drug use. Take for instance Glenn. At first he looks like an avid wrestling fan. But after a few years of meth, he looks like Iggy Pop. Tanned. Rugged. Downright handsome.

But he's the exception. Most seem to hit new lows of humanity. Which makes me wonder, if you're a meth user, or about to get started on it, undoubtably you have to have seen some of these people hanging around pumping their skeletal bodies full of the stuff. What would make you want to do it, too? To be cool like them?

I don't get it. But then I don't get American Idol, either.

Related links:

Wed, 26 Jan 2005 15:27:03 GMT

Twenty Month Pregnancy?

Look at the size of that kid! He was born last week in Brazil weighing almost seventeen pounds. That's three babies in one! That's more than the Olsen twins combined.

What -- is he a triplet and he swallowed his brothers?

Did mom not want to let him go and so kept him "in the oven" baking another year?

Did he get pulled out of the womb or did he walk out?

Did he immediately hit his dad up for the keys so he can go cruising?

I'm just amazed that a woman can give birth to a kid that huge. Not that it is her fault or his, but something just isn't right. Babies should not be born ready for kindergarten. Hell, he's about ready to start prepping for his SAT's.

Oh, and he was born via a Caesarean section. Yeah, no kidding.

Mon, 24 Jan 2005 15:39:29 GMT

Thar She Blows

Gross.

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 08:34:53 GMT

Life Imitating Shakespeare

Husband Commits Suicide, Then Wife Wakes from Coma

ROME (Reuters) - An Italian pensioner committed suicide after his wife fell into a coma, but just hours after he killed himself the woman woke up, Italian media reported on Saturday.

Recalling the end of "Romeo and Juliet," the 70-year-old man, Ettore, who had sat by his wife's bedside for four months after she slipped into a coma following a heart attack, finally gave up hope and gassed himself in the garage of his family home.

Less than a day later, his wife, Rossana, woke up in her hospital bed in Padua and immediately asked for him.

The northern town of Padua lies just 40 miles from Verona, where star-crossed lover Romeo killed himself believing Juliet to have died. But minutes later Juliet woke up and seeing Romeo dead, stabbed herself.

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 15:31:53 GMT

I just have one question: how do you not know you sent a four-inch nail up through the roof of your mouth?

Actually I have another question: how did it get up there in the first place? The article says the guy had "sent a nail into a piece of wood nearby, but [he] didn't realize a second nail had shot through his mouth." Huh? How does that happen? Was he yawning at the time? Did he sneeze and his mouth happened to be open just at that split second and the nail somehow went backwards up through the roof of his mouth? And he didn't feel it?

I don't get this. Just look at that picture! How do you not feel that? I can feel it, and that isn't my head with spike up behind my eyeball.

The worst part of the article was where the surgeon admits that this was the second time they'd seen someone who had got a nail stuck in their noggin and didn't know it. I have a hard time believing a first time, much less a second.

I suspect drugs.

Tue, 11 Jan 2005 21:25:04 GMT

Mississippi Has Libraries?

A Mississippi library board has voted to put Jon Stewart's America: A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction back on library shelves. Read about it here.

Currently my bedside book, for those keeping track of such things.

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 15:47:32 GMT

Filthy Glue-sniffing Street Kids Need Love, Too

You know, boys will be boys, but this is still by far the strangest news article you'll read today.

Or tomorrow.

Fri, 07 Jan 2005 17:15:51 GMT

How To Make A Big Wave

With the tsunamis and their aftermath dominating the news the past couple of weeks, How Stuff Works has put together a very interesting article on how tsunamis are formed. Dramatic before and after pics included, as well.

The rest of the site has more inside scoops for your browsing pleasure. Oddest one? How Chupacabras work.

Wed, 15 Dec 2004 17:45:01 GMT

Alabama. Again.

MONTGOMERY, Ala. - A judge refused to delay a trial Tuesday when an attorney objected to his wearing a judicial robe with the Ten Commandments embroidered on the front in gold.

Circuit Judge Ashley McKathan showed up Monday at his Covington County courtroom in southern Alabama wearing the robe. Attorneys who try cases at the courthouse said they had not seen him wearing it before. The commandments were described as being big enough to read by anyone near the judge.

(rest of the article)

You know, Bush and other Republicans complain about "activist judges" quite a bit, yet I'm willing to bet a sizeable sum of money that Bush won't condem this judge though he clearly has an agenda.

That being the case, someone please explain to me how a judge like McKathan, who is actively ignoring the principle of separation of church and state outlined in the Constitution he is sworn to uphold, isn't an "activist judge."

If you're willing to tackle that, then you can also explain how the first four commandments have anything to do with upholding the law. What place does Thou shalt have no other gods before me and Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain have in any courtroom or in the decisions being made there?

And how about Honour thy father and thy mother? I know we'd all like for that to happen, but is it written in any laws? Is this judge enforcing laws that don't exist outside of The Bible?

Or even Thou shalt not covet any thing that is thy neighbour's. Will this judge fine me if I look enviously at a friend's iPod? If that's the case, the whole basis of capitalism is illegal.

Bottom line is that a courtroom is not a church, and religion (any religion) needs to stay the hell out of it.

Related links:

Sun, 12 Dec 2004 09:38:56 GMT

Plastic River Jesus Update

Faithful readers will remember how back in September I wrote about how my hometown was in a tizzy over a fiberglass Jesus statue that had been rescued from the Rio Grande. Faithful readers may also remember that I wasn't exactly convinced the Synthetic Savior was a miracle.

Well, one of my most faithful readers, Karla, let me know this morning that the Rubber Redeemer has found a new home. After being stuck in the hallway outside the Eagle Pass Police Department evidence room the past three months, the Molded Messiah will now set up shop at the Our Lady of Refuge Catholic Church.

Best part of the article:

Dr. Carlos E. de la Peña, the dentist who also sought the statue, said he agreed with the city's decision to give it to the local Catholic community, saying that was what Jesus wanted.

Oh, so since he didn't get his grimey hands on the Fiberglass Fisher of Men, it must be what Jesus wanted. If the dentist had been able to keep it, somehow I bet that, too, would have been what Jesus wanted. If the darn thing melts because they put too many candles around it, will that be what the Polymer Prince of Peace wanted, as well?

The accompanying video (you have to search back to 12/7/2004 for it) to this story is great. Nice dramatic camerawork and lighting at first before turning on the fluorescent lights so you can see the thing propped up against a wall of what looks like a waiting room at the police department. Right next to a plastic plant, I might add.

They'd better have this thing on display next week when I get back to Eagle Pass. I'm not leaving until I get my picture taken with Jesus Christ of the Undocumented. Check back here in a few weeks to see if I succeeded.

Related links:

Church shocked at David Beckham 'Nativity': I'd also love to get my picture with this, too.
Plastic Jesus: Lyrics, audio, and spinoffs of the song.

Sat, 04 Dec 2004 17:22:08 GMT

We're Not Racists, Just Stupid

Just when you think stereotypes are starting to die out, folks in Alabama voted to keep parts of their constitution that allows segregation and poll taxes (neither actually enforced, or so they say), not because they're a bunch of backwater racists. No, that's not it, claim those who voted to keep those parts of the constitution.

Instead, they did it because (and this is hilarious) the amendment to change the constitution included provisions that would have led to Alabama spending more money on education.

"Spend money on teachin' ar youngin's? Are you outta yer daggum mind? Hell no!"

"Even if it means having a state constitution that places blacks beneath whites?"

"Is that all? Hell yes!"

Read about it here.

Related links:

Alabama sure doesn't like to pay its teachers much.
Want to vote in Alabama? Used to have to take this test first.

Thu, 25 Nov 2004 08:13:33 GMT

Something To Look Forward To

Stephen Roach, the chief economist at investment banking giant Morgan Stanley, has a public reputation for being bearish.

But you should hear what he's saying in private.

Roach met select groups of fund managers downtown last week, including a group at Fidelity.

His prediction: America has no better than a 10 percent chance of avoiding economic "armageddon.''

(Read more)

Sun, 21 Nov 2004 15:45:48 GMT

An Eye For An Eye

Or at least two Mr. Happy's for $1,250.

All I can add to that is this: Kids, crime doesn't pay.

Tue, 09 Nov 2004 19:02:27 GMT

One Hundred Pieces Of News

You've never seen the news this way before: 10x10.

Tue, 09 Nov 2004 16:52:17 GMT

$41,000 For Two Pounds Of Fungus

I'll be the first to admit that you should be able to spend your money on whatever you like. If you earned it, you also earned the right to set it on fire if you want to.

That said, I still find this unbelievable:

New York restaurateur Francesco Giambelli dished out a record $41,000 (£22,000)for a 2.4lb Italian white truffle yesterday. The 85-year-old, who owns Giambelli 50th on New York's East Side, beat off an unnamed opponent in Moscow to claim the truffle, the largest to be sold at an auction.

"It was very aggressive," he said. "No one has ever paid this much for a truffle." The auction was held on Sunday with restaurants from New York to Moscow, connected by a satellite link. It was the sixth annual edition of the event, but the first time Moscow has participated. In past years, bidding has centred in Japan and Los Angeles.

The auction raised $135,000 from 19 truffles. The proceeds go to charities in the United States, Italy, and Russia. A delicacy since Roman times, the fungus forms in symbiosis with tree roots. Italy's white truffles sell for 10 times the price of France's black variety.

By the way, that's Mr. Giambelli in the picture above drooling over his pricey tumor.

Now, while I don't care for the fungus eating idea, I'm going to have to try a truffle at least once before I die. I want to know what is so flippin' great about them that someone would be willing to shell out more than most people earn in a year for two pounds of the stuff.

Seriously, is there anything in the world you like to eat so much that you'd pay anywhere near that much for two pounds of it?

Sat, 06 Nov 2004 17:44:01 GMT

They Have Different Drummers

Be it far from me to be judgmental (or hypocritical), but I don't understand some people. I just can't fathom how they view the world. How they get through life without drowning in their own stupidity. How they manage to wake up every morning just as moronic as they were the day before, see nothing wrong with that fact, make one colossally bad move after another, and still make it to bed safe and sound at the end of the day.

And for once I'm not even talking about republicans!

No, I'm talking about people like Neil Melly and his burning desire to make it to Australia. For whatever reason, he couldn't get a ticket with his credit card the other day. So in Mr. Melly's mind, the next best option is to strip off all his clothes, sprint across the runway, and climb into the wheel-well of a plane bound for Australia. Nothing could possibly go wrong with that plan, right?

Then there's Mianne Bagger, who was born a guy, but then had a sex-change operation, and then this past week his/her life long dream of playing on the LPGA women's golfing tour came true. Now we can argue about whether that idea was stupid or not, depending on how you view the whole idea of transsexualism. But what I feel is unquestionably moronic is her answer to why she went through all this. According to one article, he/she was just trying to fulfill his/her "childhood ambition."

Huh?

If you found me when I was seven years old back in 1978, asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, kept refusing every answer I gave until I somehow spit out "have a sex-change so I can play women's professional golf," you'd still be waiting for that answer.

And you probably heard about the guy who tried to convert lions into Christians last week. You know, I can't even get my cat to stay off the coffee table, much less accept Jesus as his lord and savior. And what I don't understand is how that guy managed to get to be forty-six years old with ideas like this clogging up his brain.

Or what about the fellow who paid $215,000 for a cell phone number. Why? Because its a lucky number. Oh, ok.

How the hell can someone that stupid even have access to $215,000?

Then there's the high school senior from Michigan who went to the school's Halloween party dressed as a KKK member. Apparently the staff at that Grand Rapids high school aren't any brighter. Not only did they allow him to stroll around in his KKK outfit, but he also won the costume contest.

If he'd wear that, maybe he'd be asinine enough to wear this, too.

Again, sometimes I just don't understand some people.

Related link:

Mianne Bagger: official site

Mon, 11 Oct 2004 19:32:01 GMT

Kids These Days

- You're grounded!

- No I'm not.

Bang.

Sun, 05 Sep 2004 07:44:23 GMT

I'll Just Stick With Orange Juice

BANGKOK (AFP) - Drinking urine can eliminate sinus trouble, turn grey hair black and even cure cancer, a Thai academic said, citing a study of local Buddhists who engage in the unorthodox practice.

Related link:

Antistalking website: it's not a word -- but by golly, it's a website.

Sat, 14 Aug 2004 18:06:17 GMT

Wonder If I Need To Freshen Up My Resumé

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The United States plans to withdraw about 70,000 troops from Europe and Asia in a major realignment of American military presence prompted by the end of the Cold War and the beginning of the war on terrorism, U.S. officials said on Saturday.

Reuters Photo

President Bush will unveil the move to make the high-tech military much more mobile in a speech on Monday to the Veterans of Foreign Wars in Cincinnati, Ohio, said the officials, who spoke on condition of anonymity.

"The president is going to make an announcement about a major initiative to reduce the burden on our forces overseas," said one of the U.S. officials.

They confirmed a report in the Financial Times of a total shift of at least 70,000 troops from overseas to home bases. The British newspaper, citing people briefed on the plan, said two-thirds of the reductions would be made in Europe, mostly in Germany.

"Germany is definitely a place where there will be a major rearrangement," one U.S. official told Reuters of plans to bring two big armored units back to the United States from there.

(more)

Since I just so happen to teach at a school servicing the children of one of those "two big armored units" located in Germany, you can imagine how this article caught my attention: like a swift kick to the groin.

At least I know what the main topic of discussion will be when we return to work on the 25th.

Mon, 02 Aug 2004 17:16:11 GMT

Searching For Bobby Fischer? He's Locked Up In Japan

Former students would know that I've used the film Searching for Bobby Fischer in my classes the last couple of years. Has gone over pretty well, too, especially with those who had some familiarity with the game going in.

Well, the real Bobby Fischer is in the news. Turns out he's having deportation problems in Japan. The US government is still ticked off that he played a chess match in Yugoslavia twelve years ago and wants Japan to send him back so he can be prosecuted for violating the economic sanctions that were in place at the time.

Maybe it's just me, but it seems that the United States government should put more effort into finding, oh, I don't know -- Osama Bin Laden? -- than hunting down a 61 year old chess player who likes to keep to himself. I mean, Bobby Fischer masterminded some chess games. Bin Laden masterminded the deaths of thousands of Americans.

Which is the more important use of our manpower and time?

Related link:

Bobby Fischer: detailed life history

Sat, 17 Jul 2004 15:12:05 GMT

The Judge Should Tack On Another Five Months For The Letter

As you may already know, Martha Stewart got handed a five months in prison sentence yesterday for lying about her involvement in insider trading. That's all well and good, although she's going to appeal, and who knows how long it'll be before she actually has a chance to redecorate her cell. If she did what she's been convicted of doing, though, then she deserves whatever punishment the law demands.

What bugs the hell out of me is the letter she wrote to the judge before she was sentenced. If you take a few minutes to read the thing, she comes across as a self-absorbed woman who still doesn't have any real remorse for what she's been convicted of. Instead she focuses on how much good she's done and how she's still, after two and a half years, "abysmally confused and ill prepared" for what is to come. C'mon Martha! Are your lawyers so horrible or are you so dense that you don't get that if you're guilty, you'll spend time behind bars? I've spent ten minutes on this article, and even I get that.

Luckily she does mention on page three of the letter that she's curious and "not hesitant to try new things." Strip searches will be a blast, then.

But what really kills me about the letter is where she states how sorry she is for the effect this has had on her family, friends, and especially her beloved company. How's that for a shout out to her close ones? I guess the pecking order in Martha's world goes 1) business, 2) friends, 3) family, and 4) the law.

Oh, and the fact that she compared herself to Nelson Mandela after being sentenced was really sweet, not to mention incredibly inappropriate. Nelson Mandela: man revered for the sacrifices he made by being jailed for over two decades for his beliefs. Martha Stewart: five measly months in the slammer for lying. Yep, two peas from the same pod. Nearly separated at birth, if you ask me.

But things aren't all bad for Martha. If she truly sees herself as one who sets the example on good, wholesome living, just think of what she'll be able to do for those women in cell block C who just can't figure out how to make the most of their 6x9 foot homes.

Related link:

Save Martha Stewart