To the guy who beeped at me this afternoon
Hey, guy in a Honda who beeped impatiently at me this afternoon....I've got a few things I'd like to say to you.
You may not have realized what was going on when you began angrily beeping and gesturing to me from the safety of your little car. I understand that you're a really busy guy and you don't have a lot of time to gather data about a situation, before you react, so let me fill you in. You see, I was carrying a large bag and a full cup of coffee. I tried to get into the car but realized that the minivan next to us was parked too close, and thought it would be best to allow my husband to pull the truck out of the spot first and then get in. That's when you started beeping. And gesturing. And you didn't just beep once, you beeped several times. And gestured.
So here's what I would have said to you if I could have.
You are not a nice man. In fact, you are the reason I like dogs more than people. Because even though it's 1pm in the afternoon on a rainy Saturday, and the space shuttle has just exploded in mid air, and you can see that I have no effing room to open the car door, you're beeping at me to hurry up so you can get into the space we haven't even pulled out of yet. Your stupid, pathetic needs are way more important than anything else. You can't give a perfectly nice person who is not dawdling the benefit of the doubt and wait two stinking seconds longer for the spot.
In fact, you are the kind of person who makes me wonder why I bother to try and be so damn good all the time. Why I spend an inordinate portion of my life trying really hard not to offend people, trying to to random acts of frickin' kindness, holding doors for people and saying please, thank you and excuse me. Trying to Love My Fellow Man and all that. People like you, Mister Hurry Up and Move for Me, are why I sometimes wonder what the point of being good is when nobody frigging notices and you end up getting kicked in the teeth anyway.
Because you know what? I could have swung open the door of the SUV. I could have bashed it right into the door of the perfectly innocent minivan next to me. I could have bashed it in several times trying to climb up into the ridiculously large truck my husband drives. I could have done that and you wouldn't have had to wait the three point five seconds it took for me to Do The Right Thing. But I didn't. Because that would not have been nice. I have come out of stores to find that some a-hole has dented my car door and I did not like it much. Therefore I, obeying the Golden Rule, decided not to do the same thing to some other unsuspecting person. But what did I get? You and your angry beeping and gesturing.
So thanks, dickhead, for making me hate the entire human race. I plan to give the next person I screw over your phone number so that they can personally thank you for shitting on one of the few people out there today who is really, really trying effing hard to be a good person.
Hugs and Kisses,
Denise
7:46:02 PM 
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