alot has been going on in my life lately. I took one too many projects on board and have been so tired trying to finish both projects and kept satisfed clients. I was dating someone who I used to date and that recently ended - my heart broke into a million pieces again and I think, actually I know that I've been trying way too hard to connect with anyone, someone, to ease the pain and I know its when I'm not looking that someone great comes along. I did meet one person online that seems nice, he likes this blog, so he must be ok :) and I'd like to meet him in person sometime soon. I'm leaving for a week for a project in LA in a week and my client still hasn't sent me everything that needs to be accomplished before I meet them onsite. My mom was here recently and I made this cute little custom design baby outfit for my sister - my mom thought I found the smiley face off the internet - that hurt because its my design, I drew it and what hurt the most, it feels like she patronizes me about my art - maybe she doesn't but she did justifed the outfit to other people at the shower, that oh Julie is an artist - why can't she just realize I am an artist? I just wish my family wanted to know me better. But I digress, I have good and bad days now, some days, I feel so incredibly fucking lonely and then some days, are ok or maybe I'm just going through the motions of it being ok, my heart is still broken and sad. I joined match.com and eharmony - god, eharmony WTF was I thinking, every guy that has been my match looks like they dropped out of the 70s - come on, big glasses not in style, post a photo - I've been talking to this one guy and while he seems like a great guy, he didn't have this photo posted and I really really really should know better but when he sent me his picture, my first thought, no physcial attraction at all - shit, now what? now, I stop this nonsense, I refuse to settle for someone that does not satisfy my every need including sexual, chemistry, attraction, mental needs. I'm stopping match too - too much work and I've only gotten one wink and one email - not worth anyone's self-esteem to be included in a meat market. I know I'm sexy and I'm losing the weight and I like myself and what I'm accomplished and its time for ME! Time for me to follow my dreams and let the magick flow, remember to find the little things in life that make me happy. I would love to find someone to share that with but if I keep looking this hard, I'm never going to find it because it will pass me by and I won't even notice it.
Out of the funk, into the light, finding my happiness again - notes to self
- Step 1: Going to the Chippendales Show - what better way to get oneself out of the funk then to see many sexy, hot, muscular men dancing and stripping from the front row. If you want to go, buy a VIP ticket and meet me there next Thursday the 15th in SF (i'm taping survivor)
- Step 2: cancel all online dating crap
- Step 3: stop and smell the roses, leave the computer and go out, be in the world
- Step 4: keep losing this weight (besides my legs and arms are skinny now but the rest of my body is out of sync now) time to get serious, go get air in the mountain bike and start riding it as much as possible
- Step 5: just go with the flow, when the time is right, it will happen and remember just because he didn't want you doesn't mean no one will (its truly his loss, not yours)
- Step 6: when you are ready, a teacher will appear to help guide you.
2:43:03 AM 
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