one of those oh shit moments when I realized I mailed the letter and then it was oh well, either he reads it or he doesn't, its not like he's talking to me anyways.
a little background - he's an ex from a long time ago, 10 years or so, possibly more, I think we dated when we were in our 20s. I was his first and everyone always calls me A's Julie when we're all together and I'm still friends with everyone and yet, I don't see them that often, although that might change very soon, because I'm moving down the street from everyone. Anyways, I had this dream about him about 6 months ago, it was a vivid dream, I could see clearly that it was him and whenever I dream about someone that I haven't thought about in years, in many many many years, my first thought is usually - are they ok? We were sorta still talking off and on the last 10 years or so and I thought we were still friends, so I called him to see if he was ok and then that is when 2 other people got involved, twisted my intentions and some how got him mad at me. Now I should have known better than to tell L and M about calling A but I needed A's number because I couldn't remember it, so I told them about the dream and that I wanted to call him and make sure he was ok. Well, somehow L twisted around the dream and got him pissed off at me. And its been bugging me, that he's mad at me because of something L said or implied about me - who the hell knows what she said, but when I finally did get him on the phone, he was pissed off.
So I wrote a letter to get it out of my head and if you know anything about me, I don't particulary like to sit down and actually write out a letter, I'd prefer to email you, but he doesn't have email, so I wrote a letter and told him what really happened, that I don't know what L said to him to piss him off and all I wanted to was to say hi and make sure he was ok because no matter what he would always be a friend and in my heart, I found his address and stuck the letter in the envelope with a stamp on and it sat on my desk for weeks. I wasn't sure if I was ever going to mail it but I felt better getting it out of my system and then I stuck it in the mail on Monday.
Today, was oh shit, I mailed the damn letter. So maybe no one will know he got a letter from me, hopefully if he reads it, he will keep it to himself. I'm moving just down the street from him and I'm sure we'll eventually run into each other. I guess I just hope he doesn't get pissed off by the letter and maybe he'll understand because I felt like he got me back then and he should have known better than to listen to L's bullshit about me.
1:22:16 AM 
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