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Trials of Dating - Date Three(J)
"j" - can't mention his name here..he'd killed me if I put his name on this site...but anyways, beside that.....this one I fell in love with.... "J" has been over for almost 5 months now..we are still friends but sort of distant because I think we are in a learning curve on how to be friends after so much heartbreak on my part and our shared intimacy. We were alot alike..very similar but different. I didn't have his extensive background in traveling but I do have his love of programming, analytical thinking. He is a great storyteller and a genuine sweetheart..today I can say that I'm not bitter about what happened between us and I never want to lose him as a friend. I've moved on and so has he. I want him to be happy and never get hurt. In retrospect, I think I might have been his rebound from his previous relationship..but let me back up for a second.... I met "j" through Match.com, he answered my ad. I honestly would have never contacted him because of his height mainly (I was a little shallow 6 months ago - have gotten over the height issues with everyone). Also he had sent me a couple of pictures that scared the hell out of me that he was kind of freaky looking..(I have never told him this and if he reads it here..sorry "j"). We hit it off almost immediately, we both have randon scattered thoughts going through our heads about every subject you can imagine. However alot of our conversations were about work related things..too similar of interests? We talked via IM for almost a month, I was sick with the flu and then pneumonia. We talked on the phone a couple of times during the month we IM'd, the first time, we talked for a couple of hours..totally scattered random conversation..and I hate in general talking on the phone..but I knew that this was a real connection. I still was hesitant about meeting him..I really was scared that our height difference would be a big deal..see I'm 6'1 and he's 5'8...but he told me to give us a chance and that his step-mom was my height and his dad was shorter than him...so I finally agreed to meet him. Our first date...I meet him at a bar..I defintely was going to need a beer to calm my nerves..we had a couple of drinks and totally hit it off. The height difference wasn't that bad..I was a little self-conscious but "j" made it easy to just be. Then we went to dinner...great dinner..little chinese restaurant a couple of blocks from his house. After dinner, we went back to his place after stopping to get more beer and cigarettes..(now the reason we went back to his place is that I had to see his living room - he told me he had computers everywhere and he worked from home and I just had to see - you had to be there). We talked for a little while and then started kissing..oh my god, he is one of the best kissers I have ever known..soft lips. We kissed, drank, kissed some more, talked. He showed me his computers and his programming concept/outline concept..we kissed some more..I have no idea what the outline is about..don't remember much except the kissing and the foreplay however we stopped and didn't go any further that night..I left sometime after midnight...really late after midnight. We felt totally comfortable with each other. We talked almost every night following our date and went out or meet for a few hours every other night afterwards, IM'd each other everyday, sent cute text messages to each other (my cell phone bill was terrible that month)..I even made him dinner at my place..I never do that for anyone...I knew he was special and I was falling in love with him. We finally made love to one another the following week..the reason I say love, is because sex with someone you don't care about is just sex..making love is sex with someone you care about. And I definetly started caring alot for "j". And I had fun with him. At this point, I was in love with him.. Here is the part that hurted more than anything...he was still interested in dating other people and not being exclusive which sort of pissed me off but I didn't want to lose him..so I played along. The last night that we were together..(the best sex that I have had in a long time..we made love all night long and woke up in each other arms..he talks in his sleep which is adorable..)when we woke up he told me he had a date in about an hour and had to get ready..that was the last time I got to feel close to him...a week later, he told me it was over between us and he was in-love with this girl he met but we could still be friends. He came over about a week after that and we talked about being friends and about how much he didn't want to see me hurt and that he wanted me to be happy and fall in love with the right person..and that he did love me as a friend. It still hurt and when I get hurt, I get defensive and want the person that hurt me to hurt as much as me. I was very bitter and wrote some nasty emails to him which I can totally understand why he is so distant now..I don't see what he sees in her but to be honest and I can say this now, he's in-love, he's happy and I'm happy for him and I hope she doesn't hurt him. I would still like to be friends and have our scattered random conversations but right now he's in-love and too busy for ex-lovers...someday I think we'll be wonderful close friends who go out to dinner, hang-out and talk..and just be. In the beginning, I told him "I think we can be great friends but I don't see us being much more." Like I said before, I should always trust my gut instinct. In retrospect - I should have listen to my gut and my dreams...I woke up one night crying and I was dreaming about "j" - usually this is a bad sign for me..that something isn't right and I'm not listening to my heart or my instinct..I never told him this..but I hope he reads this story and understands that I'm sorry for all the crap that came with falling in-love with someone that wasn't in-love with me. I will always love him, I hope he knows this. I miss having our random scattered conversations. I miss our friendship. I miss having those random late night beers. And there are still Red Hook's here if you decide to ever stop by again...I'll never drink them. And thanks for the inspiration for Tender Kisses
Next chapter.. Date Four "t" comment []
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