December 2, 2000 1055pm CST
Lately, I have been contemplating the story of my life, reckoning what it would be like if I had made different life decisions. I came to the conclusion that I have made comparatively few choices which have really affected my life all that much. My decisions about where to live, who to associate with, what organizations to join, how to worship, etc. have all been more or less inevitable considering the circumstances of my life. Yes, I have chosen my friends, but that is because they are the people I have met in classes, at work, and where I live. Sure, I am not a member of the same church I worshipped in as a little boy, but I joined it because the church taught what I already confessed. I have not yet been faced with the decisions of whether to start a family or whether to start a career. (Lest there be any confusion, BTW, I do not consider those choices mutually exclusive.) At this point, I can only think of two major decisions that I have made in which there were really more than one legitimate paths I could take. Less than four years ago, I decided to attend the University of Kansas; almost two years ago, I chose to remain here to finish my degree. Now I go back and ask myself what my life would be like had I taken another path at each of those junctures in my life.
Had I chosen not to attend KU, I would almost certainly have attended Tabor College in Hillsboro, Kansas. I really liked the faculty there, and I got along with a lot of the students. Tabor offered me its most prestigious scholarship, which I initially accepted. I had every intention of going there. I chose to attend KU on a whim - I don't even remember the reason I opted to attend school here, but I did. Anyway, if I had gone to Tabor, I would probably be somewhat more comfortable around other students, but I think I would be unhappy, too. Though the values of that college are more traditional and rural, like my own, its theology is far too pietistic. By my senior year of high school, I had already developed an affinity for the traditional beliefs and practices of old-line protestants like the Presbyterians, Lutherans, and Anglicans. I would have been out of place in the less dogmatic and more informal community of the Mennonite Brethren. I am out of place at KU, too, but here there is a reasonably large community of like-minded people who are out of place alongside me. I imagine Tabor would not have fostered such a community. Though I sometimes regret my decision to come to KU, I believe that it was the right one.
I nearly left KU two years ago to finish my degree at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Michigan. If I had gone there, I would have avoided my hellish year as an RA. I would probably have a little more direction in my studies, and I would have found more like-minded people there. I would almost certainly be entering the seminary next year had I chosen to transfer to Calvin. Calvin is a Reformed school, and though I am Lutheran, I certainly would have found myself a place in the more traditional community at Calvin, probably as "that guy who always critiques the Heidelberg Catechism in the systematic theology class by quoting Franz Pieper." I often wonder what my life would be like had I continued my studies at Calvin rather than at Kansas. When I considered leaving, I was aware of a growing feeling of dissatisfaction with my experience here, and that dissatisfaction has not subsided. If I had gone to Michigan, I would have run away from problems here. Instead I chose to live with them. I won't know whether those problems would have followed me to Calvin, or if they would have disappeared when I left Kansas. All I can do is wonder.
10:56:30 PM 
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