(Further edited on January 8.
Having moved on in an extensive and, I hope, useful 'blog-essay today from the minor mental seismic shift occasioned by some inhabitual behaviour, I see no reason to leave what could wrongly be read as personal criticism sitting on the "front page".
If anybody's really interested in one of the triggers for today's reflections, details of an unfortunate episode and of the misunderstanding I think can be wreaked when somebody knowledgeable drags Freud into bear on it all, the full post remains at the linked page.
And...[*])
What happened this morning left me befuddled!
Marianne's mum had invited me to lunch, offering to fetch us by car at the end of the Kid's week here. When she 'phoned to ask how we were doing, I said "Fine, but Marianne's still fast asleep and the place is a mess." Her bags remained unpacked, her stuff strewn all over.
It was 10:15, I saw no rush and the conversation was as friendly as ever.
My only problem -- not worth mentioning -- was that the Condition had caused a sudden, unstoppable accident with my last clean, decent trousers. They too had to be pre-scrubbed and then bunged into yesterday's wash. Such incidents have been rare since August. I've regarded them as sufficiently revolting (and embarrassing the three times it's happened in public) not to 'blog.
But Friday's mess was my downfall!
Neither angry nor upset (unless I deceive myself), I find some particularities in behaviour so odd that I'll 'blog these things to try to make general points.
If I were cross with Marianne's mother, I wouldn't be writing.
That local "literary lion," Baudier, and I would agree that discourse regarding singularities, the often banal details of a life, are of interest to nobody but intimate family and friends.
Not that is, until you're ready to use particularities as a launching point for reflections conceivably of broader and all-too-human interest.
For all that has befallen me lately, and still emotionally sliced up by the break with the Wildcat (just as I unhappily believe that she must be), I've realised something important since I began this "experiment".
Then, I had no conscious plan to "go online" with matters as intimate as some of those I have disclosed over with the months: occasional reflections on my own and our "selves", psychology, the heat of sex, desire ... human "natures".
Yet it's just such 'blog-posts -- entries I'm never sure of the wisdom of publishing -- that have brought this journal by far the most responses, rarely as comments but often as e-mails, out of the blue, from people whom I had no idea I've been touching or provoking echoes and fellow-feeling in with my ramblings.
Those mails I answer and much appreciate, though often in some amazement!
If what I write is of genuine help and cause for reflection in the lives of others, then I accept such thanks with gratitude, much encouraged to pursue the experiment.
Too long for the "front page" (and your RSS newsfeeds), here's another such discourse: 'A tongue-lashing brings forth the lion on tired old Freud.'
([*]January 5: The linked thoughts fail to mention another option put to Baudier: the important possibility that what Marianne's mum did had nothing to do with me and was "triggered" by something quite other in her world or her morning...
Baudier's so sure of his intellectual astuteness, if not his emotional life, that he brashly dismissed this! But I remain unconvinced, though I still find his approach to the "problem" sufficiently intriguing to share.
Finally, a key point: he's one of just two people who have expressly given me carte blanche to write anything I like about them.
When it comes to others, I will not stray on to their personal territory or publish anything about it.
Some say that "your fences are in a different place from mine", but I make every effort to respect such barriers, especially when dragging real people into this experiment in understanding and sharing.
If anybody directly concerned considers I've breached that cardinal rule of both 'blogging and journalism, I will immediately make changes and amends as they may request.)
11:57:45 PM link 
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