Before It* happened, this entry told you about a bout of the blues.
So what? I remarked at the time. That's life.
But that depressed mood came so suddenly, without obvious cause or even one that might have called for some investigative honesty with myself, I didn't think those blues were mine. The odd feeling of picking up somebody else's downer was so strong it seemed preferable to be taken for a lunatic than avoid asking "possible suspects", people with whom I know there's an empathetic rapport.
So I did.
It got me nowhere. All I can say is that one of those people was unusually out of reach (and nobody said: "You're an idiot. It's about you and you won't admit it"). If it was somebody else, maybe the answer's yet to come.
A work colleague knows my quirks well enough merely to have remarked when I mentioned it, "Oh well, one more for your X-Files."
I'm making a note of this not for anyone's enlightenment but since The Orchard is the closest I'll ever get to a diary and unless it concerns someone else's secrets, the old days of the log taught me that hiding anything is a waste of time.
The only notebook I keep is the music pad that goes everywhere to be scribbled on in the most uncomfortable places. That's my 'Cryptonomicon', where a new iMix list started today with three musicians and their 'Sung heros', some of whom could be any of us.
The 'Tough Love' list is finished, but now the songs need to be put in the right order and February's the month for it. It's such a long haul.
Others in hand include 'Wising Up', 'Transformations,' and one with a working title that sounds too silly to tell you but shall when I come up with a better name. I also want to do an iMix of songs about parents and their kids. And there's a "chill-out" list too, while I wouldn't be me without music for love-making mixes.
It's been a long time since I've embarked on a month of February without wanting to go into hibernation...
When this entry made its first appearance, Cindy said:
"With the weather (at least here, I'm not so sure about there) gone absolutely bonkers -- Spring instead of Winter, warmth instead of ice-cold, I think that many things are off-axis lately.
"In your case, perhaps it's from having experienced some terrific highs and it was a moment when you needed to have that low ... and hey, it didn't last, so that's a good thing. Sure, we hate it when it happens, but I think that saying 'you can't have the highs without the lows' has some truth to it."
Lee was blunt:
"February is brutal.
"I want to keep that 'One more for your X-files' thing in my mind, and pull it out when appropriate. I like that."
All I could add was:
"It's neither the lows that bother me any more nor the seasons being out of whack, since we need to put up with the latter and each do our bit to try to avoid warming up the world.
"What got me writing was just the feeling, very hard to describe, that someone else's state of mind entered my own. Maybe it was just me, but when I'm down these days I usually know exactly why.
"Shrug..."
Well, I ain't shrugging now.
*It happened yesterday. If you wonder what happened to every log entry after the 'Piano Blues' one of January 9, you're not alone -- but I may never know exactly what *It was.
11:34:37 AM 
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