Wednesday, June 11, 2003

Consulting my 80-year-old self about queasiness Here's another Visit to my Dream Studio, consulting my 80-year-old Self: Visit re Queasiness about Direction Wednesday, June 11, 2003 Concerned about direction             I’m having cold feet about painting, collage, making prints to sell on ebay, etc. Maybe it’s all a dreadful mistake? Visit   As I approach the Dream Studio, I’m struck by the profusion of bright flowers at the entrance. It’s sunny here. I see zinnias, bachelor buttons, all the bright flowers I’ve loved all my life. I start to feel better right away.   I knock. “Come in, I know it’s you!”   Cathy (C): I’m getting awfully anxious – have terrible pangs now that I’ve been very foolish and have bought things I never should use. Barrettes, for heaven’s sake! What was I thinking of?   Older Cathy (OC): Hmm. Maybe you were thinking you’d like to make some colorful paper barrettes to wear?   C: Well, yes, I was – now that my hair is really growing out. But – maybe this is really tacky. Cheap. Foolish.   OC: You have as much right to be tacky, cheap, and foolish as anyone else.   C: But I don’t want to be!   OC: True, you’d prefer to be superior, but you’ll have more fun being tacky, cheap, and foolish.   C: (grinning) OK. Well, I’m also scared about painting. What do I know about painting?   OC: Less than you’ll know after you’ve done more.   C: I’ve got to start somewhere?   OC: If this is something you want to do, do it!   C: You paint?   OC: Yes, and make collages, and bowls, and cartoons, and the occasional barrette. Don’t make such a big deal out of all this! Just make your art and have a great time doing it.   C: What about the finances, though? I’m getting scared suddenly, reading the art message boards and reading that Ebay sales are way down. Maybe I won’t be able to sell any of my work, and I’ll just go deeper into debt.   OC: If I were you, I’d concentrate on the artmaking itself for a while. If reading the art message boards discourages you, stop reading them. You’re feeling a little anxious right now because you’ve spent two weeks clearing out space and haven’t been making any art. Once you get back into artmaking, you’ll feel better.   C: I feel a little panicky about money, though.   OC: Calm yourself. You’ll have everything you need.   C: What if I’m foolish and don’t deserve what I need?   OC: You’ll still have everything you need.   C: Really?   OC: Really.   C: OK. I don’t have to be wise, prudent, smart, clever?   OC: No.   C: Well, that’s a relief. OK, I think I can enjoy myself now. Thanks!     11:15:20 PM    comment []

One more "after" picture of the Nest The room looks dark because I was just leaving, and all the lights are off. And the camera is exposing for the bright outdoors, too. Here's one more picture of the drawing board area. The big dark lump on the right is my cooler, which is the water supply for my "sink" (two round aluminum dishpans - one for rinse water from acrylics, the other for regular hand washing, washing my breakfast spoon, etc.). Rinse water from paint is dumped into 5-gallon buckets so I can use the Golden Paint system for removing the pigment. 10:34:39 PM    comment []

Done! Nest is ready for artmaking Space! And I can see outdoors much more! The portfolios and stacks of boxes are  no longer blocking half the window. Both the drawing table and the card table are clear too.  There's no need now to go further with moving things out of the Nest, but if I need to do it later, I see how to do it. This is important because at some point this year I'll need to package bowls and paintings for delivery or shipping. And that takes materials and space too. I'm not showing any photos of the big studio - the blacksmithing studio - because it's still piled with boxes. But I got about half of them put away this morning, and will finish tomorrow. This morning I felt anxious for the first time in a while. Scared of plunging back into artmaking? Maybe. I'll get over it, whatever it is. 10:28:36 PM    comment []