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Hand Forged Vessels
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Monday, July 28, 2003 |
Two or three weeks ago, I worked out the basic pattern involved in making the paper and iron bowl sculptures. Forming the paper and iron, and integrating other materials, is the first step. This may or may not involve a separate design process with photographs, sketches, and full scale drawings. Right now the pieces I'm working on are made more spontaneously.
It's the "finishing process" that spans the most time. There are weeks of daily work interspersed with weeks of drying time. The drying time just takes space - "protected drying space" that's dry enough, the right temperature range, and relatively dust free. My new dehumidifier, combined with air conditioning in the summer and a heater in the winter, takes care of the drying climate.
I worked out the weeks required:
- a week or more to apply the base coats of Direct to Metal (DTM) paint on the iron (red primer, 1 or 2 coats of gray primer, then two or three coats of white or black. Thanks to the dehumidifier, I can do the top of the pieces in the morning, then the bottom of the same pieces later the same day.
- a week to let the DTM paint cure to full hardness
- a week to apply color with artist acrylics - usually Golden fluid acrylics
- a week to let the acrylics dry fully. (Can sometimes photograph the piece at this point, before varnishing.)
- a week to apply the clear acrylic varnish to the iron - two or three coats
- six weeks to let the varnish cure to full hardness before waxing it. (If the piece hasn't already been photographed, it can be photographed sometime during this period or at the very end.)
Of course things go wrong. I may paint the iron with artist acrylics, then hate the results so I repaint. Something in the rest of my life may interfere with daily applications of paint. Etc. But this is the basic pattern: 11 weeks of finishing, after the paper and iron are formed.
Forming them could conceivably take just a week or two, for a total time span of about 3 months. For these first pieces, it has taken me much longer. At various points I've done technical experiments, found or made new tools to solve problems, set up new spaces, etc. Or I've just needed time to look.
The advantage of this long finishing timespan is that there are clear weeks of drying or curing, during which I can start new sculptures or do something else like paintings, collages, or cartoons. Clearly for me the sculpture process takes priority, while giving me "weeks off" if I want them.
Last week was one of these "weeks off" while the DTM paint cured. I used it to make eight small paintings on canvas. At the end of each painting session, I treated myself to an even smaller spontaneous painting in a watercolor journal. I thought of these journal paintings as mandalas, although they're done very loosely indeed.
Mostly I'm happy that I stayed with it till I finished the paintings. They're not signed and varnished, but the actual painting is done. Many thoughts of doubt and discouraement popped up during the week. I did my best to just let them flow through without disuading me from continuing to paint. Now I'm excited about the next steps: scanning them in to the computer, seeing what I want to do with the paintings and sections of the paintings - for reproductions, notecards, and pieces for collage.
So right now I'm finding a way to juggle two balls at a time: the bowl sculptures, and paintings/collages. The cartoon ball is still not in the air. It will be.
10:15:40 AM 
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In recent years I've been exploring different approaches to thinking and feeling. One basic approach is usually called "cognitive therapy." The idea is that thoughts create feelings. To change feelings, change habits of thought - the "grooves in the brain" that create moods, feelings, sense of well-being or not. This is a popular approach, with well documented success, so there are many books on it. Some of the books I use include The Now Habit, Depression is a Choice, Happiness is a Choice. Currently I'm using a book I've mentioned here recently, Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting. Right now I'm reading Loving What Is.
Another basic approach emphasizes feeling feelings fully, letting them flow through you. Gendlin's method, Focusing, describes this. One of my favorite books on relationships, The Ten Second Miracle, claims that if you allow yourself to feel any emotion full strength for ten seconds (about three deep breaths), it will pass - evolve onto a new feeling. And my favorite book on natural vision improvement claims that allowing feelings to flow through you freely, is the key to clear eyesight.
A third approach involves not thinking at all - or at least, using thoughts as a tool when needed, rather than identifying with the mind. Eckhart Tolle's books and audio workshops are wonderful sources on this. My partner loves Kabbat Zinn's books and meditation tapes. The book on meditation, We're All Doing Time, is also wonderful.
When I began writing this, I saw the three approaches as working on different levels. "Not thinking" is the most fundamental level. If you can do that, everything else is "solved." I see the second level as awareness of thoughts, and consciously choosing which thoughts to entertain. And the third level is simply allowing any feeling to flow freely.
You can work at any level quite effectively.
Now, having written this far, I see more unity among the approaches. They all involve heightened awareness. They all have to do with a conscious choice of how you use attention. (I used to say, "Your greatest power lies with your attention.") And they all involve a sense of flow, movement, aliveness - allowing thoughts and feelings to flow through without attaching to them.
That ugly sense of digging oneself in deeper with obsessive negative thoughts, or sinking into more and more negative feelings, is liberated into a sense of movement and change.
So what does this have to do with art? It has to do with keeping the artist alive and kicking - able to function creatively. Eckhart Tolle says that all real creativity comes from the space beyond thinking. It worked for Mozart.
9:47:46 AM
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Tuesday, July 22, 2003 |
Painted this morning - starting little 8x10 stretched canvases. After lunch and a shower I was at loose ends. I'd promised myself (promised the Kid, really) that as a reward for completing the base paint on the bowls last week, I'd go to the Mall of Georgia. There are two bookstores there, an art supply store, several office and computer supply stores, etc. I love to hang out in the coffee shop of a big bookstore, looking through a stack of books and magazines.
But I didn't really feel like going. It looked as if it would be pouring rain all afternoon, and the drive to the Mall was unappealing. So - should I work instead? It didn't take long to decide that would be a mistake. I really did work steadily all last week, usually putting on two coats a day, going back after supper when need be. To go back on my promise of a reward would be setting myself up for a big problem later. (I discovered that early on, as a production blacksmith. If I told myself I'd make six plant hangers and then take a break, I'd better do that. If I made six and then said "Oh, you could push a bit and make two more" I'd pay for it later. No one likes to work with someone who doesn't follow through on what they say!
So what would be fun? I could go out and get some coffee ice cream and eat it. Or a dark chocolate candy bar. I looked at my fun list. (Yes, ok, it's embarassing but yes, I have a fun list. Otherwise I get into these moods when I just can't think of anything fun. I'm an only child, brought up to be a serious achiever, blah blah blah.) What popped into my mind is that it would be fun to write that email I've been wanting to write to Semir Zeki, the author of Inner Vision: An Exploration of Art and the Brain.
I'd ordered a copy through inter-library loan, and read it immediately, in several evenings. Zeki is a neurobiologist who sees some possible relationships between recent discoveries about the brain and vision, and visual art. I found the book fascinating and provocative. After I finished it, I made a quick net (or mind map) of questions I'd like to ask him, and explorations of my own that he might find of interest. But I hadn't taken the time to write the email.
Suddenly I realized that this would actually be fun. It would give me the kind of intellectual stimulation I look for in a bookstore. So I wrote the email.
As I wrote, I dug out a related book, Leonard Shlain's Art & Physics. Also I made a few visits to amazon.com to get links to other books. All this made me realize that I have some great books right here that I haven't taken time to read - my own Big Bookstore. Of course I made myself a great cup of decaf too. Yes, here at the Stonebank Farm bookstore/cafe....
It really was fun to write the email. And it was fun to learn that it was fun. Now for some ice cream....
3:43:28 PM
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Sunday, July 20, 2003 |
A few days ago something happened that amused me. Every morning this week I've been applying a coat of paint to the iron parts of paper and iron bowls in progress. One morning, somehow I flipped the container of paint onto the floor. Wow! What a splatter! I had dodged it myself, and it was a tiny quantity of paint, but it had really gone far. I set to work with wet paper towels and got it up reasonably well. Then I returned to painting my piece, which still looked ok. No terrible drips or sags had developed.
This is not hilarious so far, so I'm coming to the amusing part. Having been listening to Eckhart Tolle's workshop, Realizing the Power of Now, I was alert for thoughts. I saw that my mind produced an instant story, entitled "I really had trouble painting this morning." I nudged this a bit and my mind replied "That's my story and I'm sticking to it."
For the rest of the day, I noticed that the story was still running at the back of my mind. "Poor me. I really had trouble painting this morning....That's my story and I'm sticking to it." It gave me quite a few smiles all day. Even I recognize that I can be very stubborn, but stubbornly unhappy? OK....
Well, that's my amusing story....and I'm sticking to it....
8:46:42 AM
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Tuesday, July 15, 2003 |
A topic came up in the Wet Canvas Debates forum about how to describe and judge abstract art. Here's the answer I wrote off the top of my head. (Might write something more thoughtful soon. Or not.)
I just finished reading the neurobiologist Semir Zeki's book, Inner Vision, about interesting links between the neurobiology of vision, and art. He believes art and vision share a common purpose: to find out about the world. And that modern art evolved in order to discover and show more and more the essential, most important elements of the world. Whether or not you believe this is true, the book is quite interesting. Much of what he reports about how the brain really sees, is definitely relevant to making art. Also it's fascinating to me how modern artists' work correlates with LATER discoveries about the neurology of vision, just as they predated discoveries in physics.
So - the point of abstract art is to abstract from all the myriad possibilities in the visual field (or in the imagination, dreamworld, memories, or other inner life) - what's most important - or compelling, or emotionally arousing, or alive - depending on the artist's aims. I like Hans Hofmann's idea of searching for what's most REAL - and making the painting so the whole thing is dynamic, alive.
10:28:32 PM
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Saturday, July 12, 2003 |
Just want to report that the teamwork approach is working. Suddenly my energy level increased, and I began to feel like working in the studio. Have accomplished something significant every day. Today I finished a task I'd been dreading a bit - not that difficult, yet a chance to ruin a piece I've been working on a long time. It didn't happen. Now I've got real momentum going.
9:33:07 PM
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Tuesday, July 08, 2003 |
Today I wrote a new article called From Anarchy to Teamwork - Commitment to My Work.
Here's the start. If you want to read the whole thing, click on the link above. I've also added a link on the right hand column of this page.
Yesterday as part of my plan for the rest of the year, I decided to get started on writing an artist statement. This morning I thought I could free write something toward it or at least look at the book.
Writing the Artist Statement, by Ariane Goodwin, is the best help I’ve ever found for this process. It’s a great help in relating to the work, as well.
After I underlined a few thing in her book, I wrote a draft of a new artist statement. Then I came across a question in the book. It opened a door I didn’t even know had been closed.
“On a scale of 1 to 10, how committed am I to my work?”
I’d say a ten – yet I don’t act like a ten. It feels as if my soul is wholly committed to my making my bowls. Other parts of me want to wander off to explore something else, or even want to prevent me from making my bowls at all. And sometimes it feels as if no one is really in charge of this unruly, anarchistic group, and they don’t really communicate or work anything out.
Bowl Artist: Hey, let’s work today! Remember? Making bowls is what we’re about?
Kid: Aw – more work? I want to play. You’re always trying to make me work.
12:02:33 PM
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Sunday, July 06, 2003 |
Rereading my Visits to my Dream Studio, my recent suspicions are confirmed. I'd started wondering if my new, surprising priorities - upper body wellness, Pilates, Presence, observing nature - were real priorities or a sort of smokescreen thrown up between me and making art. (Yes, I've read The War of Art. So at least I got suspicious after a week or two instead of a few months.)
My Older Self said, "The censor pops up between you and doing art, suggesting that you need to do something else other than art...."
I had fallen (again) into the old Preparation Trap. This is the idea that in order to make art the way I want to make it, I need more preparation. This can lead to whole days spent doing relaxation exercises, meditations, fitness regimes, composition exercises, reading books on art, etc. etc. I'm sure we all have our own variations of the Preparation Trap.
There's always enough truth to this to make it credible. "Gee, you're right, my artwork isn't quite perfect yet, so maybe I do need to do X and Y. It would be better in the long run...." And the Preparation activities are usually very helpful, constructive, healthy, wonderful things to do.
The only problem is when they're set up BETWEEN the artist and making art. They're out of place. Their place, for the artist, is AROUND artmaking. My Older Self keeps assuring me that when artmaking is put first, "everything else" arranges itself naturally around the artmaking.
As many of us know, when artmaking is not put first, it often dwindles away entirely.
Well, at the rate I'm going, I'll be able to write a sort of Pilgrim's Progress of the Art Pilgrimage. I seem to have a knack for finding every pitfall and trap and obstacle. If it saves anyone else from finding them all out the hard way, that will be great.
5:10:45 PM
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Today I started rereading some of my imaginary visits to my Dream Studio, where I can consult my Older Self. She's in her eighties at least, still going strong - radiant and fully alive, making art every day. Looking back at some of my questions and her replies, I began wondering why I keep looking for coaching anywhere else. Her answers are terrific!
Here are some quotations from Older Cathy:
"I don't listen to the news. The news of what flower is blooming today is more important."
"I don't stop energy from flowing through me, so it doesn't accumulate as fat anywhere."
"The time something takes doesn't matter that much. What matters is how alive I am as I make it. I prefer eternity to dollars per hour."
"...I find that my work flows best when I'm not reading. It's as if not reading creates a vacuum, an open space, into which my own creativity flows. Whereas reading fills that space - often very nicely - with someone else's creativity."
"Aliveness is at the center. And art is usually the most alive thing I want to do."
"Any trap you make, you can escape."
"A lot of your information clutter is about the past. As long as your resume is current, your finances current, your correspondence current - what more do you need?"
"Trying to leave too many options open drains your energy. It's like leaving all the doors and windows open and wondering why the house doesn't get warm even with the heat on high."
"You have to believe your life matters, that being alive now matters. Then making art naturally matters because it brings more aliveness."
"Hurrying up and trying to earn your right to live, just makes your life a sort of living death."
"Day off? Off from what? I want to be on, not off."
4:40:35 PM
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I've been exploring some of the resources at The Creative Seed website. This site is primarily for actors, but most of the coaching articles and tools apply as well to visual artists. Reading some of the articles inspired me to free-write a vision for myself:
What comes to mind first - as the vision for my life?
What comes to mind today is that my life is about fulfilling my creative potential. That’s not at all what I intended to say. I intended to say it’s about being fully alive and present, and embodying this aliveness in artwork that I make so it’s available to others as well. But maybe they’re both the same thing. I could say – that my vision is to fulfill my creative potential by making art that embodies aliveness, presence, creative power. In a sense – I could say that my life is really about creative power.
Specifically, my vision is to live a completely creative life – developing and using my creative power to create from my Deep Self.
I envision making bowls, collages, paintings, and cartoons – and studies and spinoffs from these works.
I envision making a pro-creative environment for my work and life – studio, home, total environment that enhances creative power.
I envision making relationships with other people and other beings that enhance the creative power of all.
That’s really what my life is about – enhancing the creative power in the world – by fulfilling my own creative power.
1:09:36 PM
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Friday, July 04, 2003 |
Since I fooled myself about the hand and elbow pain, I thought I might have fooled myself about priorities too. So I quickly used the prioritzer again on the ongoing day to day activities. Sure enough, I came up with a different order:
6 Connection, Presence, aliveness
5 Making art
4 Developing as an artist
3 Selling art
2 Improving space (fixing things, decluttering, adding storage, etc.)
1 Bodywork (stretches for hand, wrist, elbow, shoulder, plus Pilates)
0 Observing nature
Note that now bodywork is way down the list, while it was second just a few days ago. Now making art is way up toward the top, while developing as an artist was more important a few days ago. Well, this is useful to know. All these things still do seem important to me. It's just the relative priority that keeps changing.
3:39:40 PM
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The main reason that "upper body wellness" appeared as such a high priority recently is that I've been having a lot of pain in my right hand and elbow. I stopped weight lifting about a month ago because the pain didn't go away the day after the workout. So I thought I might be doing more harm than good.
In the Ganoskin Orchid mailing list, I read an enthusiastic recommendation for a book on healing such pain with very gentle, precise stretching. I ordered the book and as noted in an earlier post, felt very optimistic about this approach helping. I've been doing the stretches pretty regularly since. But the intermittent pain continued - with some improvement perhaps.
I was beginning to do less and less. One morning holding my coffee cup hurt my thumb. Another day, cutting up a peach was painful. This was getting to be very distracting. Doing even a little bit of work in the blacksmithing studio seemed to cause pain, no matter what the task.
Last night I began to take seriously the possibility that this is a "Sarno pain." Really the term John Sarno uses is TMS - "tension myositis syndrome." But it means pain caused by subtle decreases in blood flow, adjusted by the mind to deliberately cause pain as a distraction from anxiety creating emotions. The mind is trying to protect the self from emotions that are unacceptable - that are "life threatening" to the self image. "That's not me. I wouldn't feel THAT way." To feel the emotions would "kill" the self (or so the mind believes.)
The mind chooses pain that has a believable physical cause - whether it's a stomach upset "caused by bacteria" or carpal tunnel syndrome, or an "injured back" or "tennis elbow" - or whatever else is credible. This becomes a "real problem" that serves as a great distraction from the emotions threatening to surface from the unconscious. Instead, the person is busy researching "the problem" on the internet, buying different vitamins or foods or health aids, doing stretching and exercises, etc. (Yep, that's me!)
Yes, I fell for it again! Darn - still human....and still resisting admitting it! Oh well, better late than never. Guess it was a little premature when I put the Sarno books on one of the top shelves that I reach only with a ladder.
The link I mentioned above has a very clear explanation. There's an active forum on TMS and the Sarno approach. I recommend his books, especially The Mindbody Prescription. I worked with The Mindbody Workbook, by David Schechter MD, after I fell in Feb. '02 and broke some bones. I was working on why this accident occurred and how to heal well. (Because I'd broken my right elbow, I had to write all my workbook entries with my non-dominant hand, which was a challenge.) The workbook is OK and does help some people, but I didn't find it as helpful as working directly with the Sarno books. The other main book based on the Sarno approach is the book by Fred Amir, Rapid Recovery.... It's worth reading just for his story. And he has a few extra things to try.
One reason that I'm now sure that my hand and elbow pain is a "Sarno pain" is that today it's much less. This often happens, that once you "catch on" and are no longer fooled, the mind gives up and stops causing the pain. Unless you get to the underlying emotions, though, some other more credible pain may occur. Still, the respite is nice!
3:30:37 PM
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Tuesday, July 01, 2003 |
Had a strange but pleasant experience one morning this week. In that liminal period at first waking, a meaning for a childhood nightmare popped to mind. My son and partner and I had been discussing various family patterns of interaction the evening before, and how they can perpetuate over generations.
I think that discussion is what triggered the next morning's revelation. I've wondered for many years what a certain repeated childhood nightmare might mean. I had it when visiting my grandparents one summer when I was about eight years old - maybe seven, maybe nine. Never could figure out what it had meant.
In the dream, I'd see someone with a big zinnia flower growing out of the top of the head like a big mushroom. I liked zinnias, but as a head growth they really looked awful. In the dream, if a zinnia headed person touched a normal person, the normal person quickly grew a zinnia head. So as the dream progressed, I'd be running and hiding all over the house and yard, trying to escape being touched by a zinnia head.
The interpretation that popped into my head is simple. As a child, I must have sensed that all around me were contagious "heads" - family patterns of thinking and talking. I didn't want to "catch" these patterns and absorb them into myself. But as a young child, I couldn't say "Grandmother and Grandfather, I've been observing the usual patterns of interaction in this extended family. I find them dysfunctional. I'd rather not participate." The dream was my way of trying to "see" this and at the same time, make my escape.
It's kind of fun to think that after fifty years, a mystery can be suddenly illuminated. It's especially fun that it can happen effortlessly. Now to choose my zinnia color....I think I prefer the bright red orange.
11:38:26 PM
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