Last week, as I was getting closer to being ready to make my first eBay listing, I got more and more anxious. I couldn't figure out why this was terrifying. Why was I so anxious about it? I sat down to write, and this is the answer to my worst fear:
What's the worst that could happen after I post my painting on eBay?
At 3 a.m., I'm jerked awake by thundering voices and fists pounding on the door. I get out of bed in a flood of adrenaline. "Open up! It's the Art Police!"
Trembling, I ask to see their badges. Sure enough, they look very official. One even has a special commendation medal from Art News.
I let them in. "Coffee?"
"We're not here to socialize. We're here to stop the atrocities you've been committing."
"Me? I'm a good person? What atrocities?"
"Don't play innocent with us. It was bad enough when you were making horrible art in secret, in your evil studio. But now! We have proof! Do you deny that you listed a so-called painting for sale on eBay?"
"No, but...."
"It's terrible!"
"Well, but there's other art of eBay that doesn't look so great."
"Other people breaking Art Laws is no excuse for you doing it! Your work is atrocious! An insult to all humanity! You must cancel it immediately."
"But the listing fees - I don't think they're refundable."
"The listing fees are the least of your problems. Your eBay listing only brought to light the devilish work you've been up to. Can you deny that you've been plotting to make even more paintings?"
"Well, yes, I thought then I'd get better."
"And worse, to try to sell them in public places like eBay?"
"Well, uh...."
"We're here to arrest you on the charge of Making and Attempting to Sell Bad Art. Not only that, we're confiscating all your materials and anything that you could use to make more Bad Art."
"Hey, I don't think that's legal!"
"There's a lot you don't know, isn't there?"
"Well yes...."
"Had you ever been properly educated in a top notch Art School, you would know that the Art Police can confiscate the belongings of anyone established to be an incorrigibly Bad Artist. Or worse, a Non Artist."
"I don't believe you!"
"Ha! You'll believe us when you try to go to your so-called studio and find it empty. Right now the loaders are taking everything away, to auction off to Real Artists. Except that, of course, your so-called artworks will go to a Hazardous Waste site."
"I don't believe you! I think this is just a nightmare! Or you're a creation of my own fears."
"Ha! In that case, you can make us disappear, hmm? Let's see you do that."
I remember the Wizard of Oz. I've got nothing to lose. I close my eyes, put my feet togehter, notice that they're cold. I say in a firm - well, only slightly trembly - voice, "I believe in my art. I believe in my art. I believe in my art."
I open my eyes. The three Art Policemen are still there. But they're not speaking or moving. They're no longer showing their torturous grins.
What more can I do?
I close my eyes again. "I ask for help. I ask for full protection against any force that seeks to prevent my making art full out. I ask for help in developing as an artist. And - thank you for my studio."
I open my eyes.
The Art Police are gone. Only the open door and the chilly night breeze convince me that they were ever here. I close the door.
They may come back again. I had no idea that listing a painting on eBay was quite so risky. But I'll be ready if they come back.
In the morning - my studio is still here. It's still full of tools and materials. I'm grateful. And I'm going ahead with my eBay plans.
7:04:40 PM 
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"Be Wild" - another 8x10" 
