Long ago I added to my list of Unifying Principles this one:
"Don't indulge in compulsive feminine virtues."
By "compulsive feminine virtues" I meant, of course, things like "being nurturing," "listening well," "cleaning up other people's messes," "encouraging others," etc. Nowadays the examples might read like a list of characteristics of the classic enabler, the compulsive helper and codependent. It's the compulsiveness, especially for women, that makes these virtues self destructive.
Today I realized that there must be equivalent "compulsive masculine virtues." These are things that a male is socialized to do, not only to feel virtuous, but to feel like a real man. Perhaps they include "protecting others," "supporting one's family at the level to which they aspire," and other virtues that I can hardly imagine.
Of course I'm not saying that any of the masculine and feminine virtues aren't good things. The problem lies in the fact that they can interfere with being true to oneself - to the Deep Self. They become compulsive masks that begin as protection and then eat away at the flesh of the wearer. (Now there's a plot for a horror story.)
Here's one of my best loved quotations, this one from John Middleton Murray, translated into womanloving language:
"For the good woman to realize
that it is better to be whole
than to be good
is to enter on a strait and narrow path
compared to which
her previous rectitude was
flowery license."
3:49:16 PM 
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