Wednesday, May 04, 2005

The TWAT Team That is right. The TWAT team will be a special arm of the SWAT unit. You know about SWAT, do you? Then, time to get acquainted with the TWAT. Ok, ok. Re-acquainted if you prefer, since we know you have been courting twats for such a long time. But seriously, this is something to read about if you are a publisher of anything erotic. More here. 11:21:21 PM

Thursday, April 21, 2005

College Sex NOT Wisdom Trees grown in the University of Seattle That's right. Not what you are thinking. The title does not refer to a School of porn. It is about a story published today on AVN about a group of students at the University of Washington-Seattle that has formed a club that aims to provide a safe haven to discuss, see, and even create independent amateur porn. We do not doubt about their good intentions. We only think that they may have misplaced them a lil'. The article further states that "the club might want to make its own porn, but they have no intention of selling it, according to the paper, which said the materials would be made between consenting members in safe and private areas. But no porn will be made before the makers consult with the club advisor about legal issues concerning privacy, nudity, and "motivations behind filming," Called the Amateur Porn Club, the organization has at least one twist, according to the university student newspaper, The UV Daily: Members must subscribe to "feminist principles" and adhere to anti-sexism, anti-oppression, and pro-consent methods. EB's thoughts are that sex should be an enjoyable activity between consenting adults or a number of them, and that there is a place and a time. When things get out of place or out of context something starts to smell oozy, in our horny view. Read entire article here. 11:46:02 PM

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Sexy Boobs THE HISTORY OF THE BRA The ultimate sensual garment... We'd like to reproduce this fantastic piece which belongs to NZgirl. After all, it's all about huge tits. We have toned down this serious article by adding some "eye-candy". Enjoy! The bra has enjoyed a colourful history. They were allegedly invented by an American named Otto Titzling (wrong!) and burned by feminists in the 1960’s. The “over-shoulder-boulder-holder” is a necessary evil in many women’s lives…but who do we have to blame for this often uncomfortable, but ever-so-sexy piece of clothing? Long live bra-busters! 2500 BC: Women on the island of Crete begin using bra-like garments to lift their bare breasts out of their clothing. 450BC – 285AD: Roman and Greek women preferred to play down their large breasts, using a band strapped around their boobs to reduce their bust size. 1550’s AD: Catherine de Médicis, wife of King Henri II of France enforces a ban on "thick waists" at court functions through the introduction of the steel corset. The corset becomes the main undergarment of support and restraint for women. 1850’s: US patents are registered for the first known bra-like garments. 1850’s: Corsets fall out of style for about 10 years. 1860’s: Corsets return to fashion. Corset "training" becomes the norm - reducing waists to such unhealthy levels that ribs and internal organs become deformed. This sparks controversy over the health risk of corseting. 1875: Designer Susan Taylor Converse creates a garment called the “Union Under-Flannel” from woollen fabric. The garment is different to previous items as it has no-bones, eyelets, laces or pulleys. The garment is patented by manufacturers George Frost and George Phelps. 1889: Corset-maker Herminie Cadolle invents a bra-like garment called "Bien-être" ('Well-Being'.) The garment supports the breasts by the shoulders rather than squeezing them up from below like a traditional corset. 1893: Marie Tucek patents the "Breast Supporter". This garment is similar to modern-day bras in that it features a separate pocket for each breast, shoulder straps, and hook-and-eye closures. 1907: The ever-hip Vogue magazine first uses the term "brassiere" in its haloed pages. The term comes from the old French word for 'upper arm'. Prior to this, bra-like devices were known by the French term "soutien-gorge", which means "throat support" or "breast support".1912: The term "brassiere" first appears in the Oxford English Dictionary. 1912: Garment maker Otto Titzling is said to have develop a bra for buxom singer Swanhilda Olafsen. Swanhilda lived in the same New York boarding house as Otto, and needed a supporting garment. She was the inspiration for Otto's breakthrough design, but Otto neglected to patent his creation, and therefore lost his chance to be the inventor of the bra. 1913: The first modern bra to be patented was a silk hanky and pink ribbon affair created by New York socialite Mary Phelps Jacob. Mary had bought a sheer evening dress to wear to an event, and at the time, the only undergarment available to her was a corset made with whaleback bones. Mary found that the bones showed through the sheer fabric and created her DIY alternative. 1914: After a year of sharing her creation with friends, Mary Phelps Jacob applies for a patent (under the business name "Caresse Crosby") on November 3 for her "Backless Brassiere" design. Mary’s "brassiere" was very lightweight, soft, and separated the breasts naturally. Unlike Marie Tucek's 1893 design, Jacob's garment did not have cups to support the breasts, but flattened them instead. Jacob markets the "Backless Brassiere" garment until she tires of the business and sells the patent to Warner Brothers Corset Company in Bridgeport, Connecticut, for $1,500. Warner's reportedly made over $15 million over the next 30 years from the patent. 1914-1918: The outbreak of World War I forces women into the work-force. Many women begin working in factories and wearing uniforms, making the use of daily corset wear a problem. 1917: The U.S. War Industries Board requests women to stop buying corsets to reduce the consumption of metal. Sources say up to 28,000 tons of metal was conserved through this effort - "enough to build two battleships." 1918 : Corset-makers began making bras designed to flatten rather than enhance the breasts. 1920’s: Warner introduces a tight, chest-flattening bra, in keeping with the Flapper styles of the day. 1928: Ida Rosenthal, a Russian immigrant, and her husband William found Maidenform. Ida is responsible for the creation of bust size categories (cup sizes) and developed bras for every stage of life - puberty to maturity. 1930’s: The shortened form of the word "brassiere" - the "bra" becomes popular.1930’s: Warner produces the first popular all-elastic bra, which shows off a woman's curves. 1935: Warner's creates the modern cup sizing system (A to D), which is soon adopted by all bra manufacturers. 1940 : Padding was added to bra cups. 1941-1945: Common fabric materials (cotton, rubber, silk and steel) are in short supply, so manufacturers turn to synthetic fabrics. 1946: The first bikini hits the catwalk introduced in Paris. 1950s: Strapless bras were introduced allowing women to wear off-the-shoulder dresses and still use a bra. 1959 : Warners and Du Pont produced Lycra which is now used in most bras. 1968: The infamous “bra-burning” occurred, but it didn’t quite involve busty feminists stripping off their bras to “free” themselves in a male dominated society. A group of women were protesting the 1968 Miss America pageant and threw bras, girdles, high heels, make up and hairspray into a rubbish bin as a symbol of their anger. They were protesting for the liberation of women in a male dominated society, and saw these objects as restrictive to their cause. The rubbish bin was set alight – hence the “bra-burning” reference. 1973: The first no-bounce sports bra was introduced. ...and as they say, the rest is history! We thank you Scoreland for the big boobs pictures and Voluptuous for the natural tits pictures. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 10:49:08 PM

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Condoms, condoms and more condoms SEX CRUZADE ACROSS CONTINENTS Sex toy retailer LoveHoney is sponsoring two British women who are going on a 4,000-mile mission to deliver orgasms and safe sex to Eastern Europe. Sarah Lankford (29) and Jenny Brife (26) from London are taking part in the TV Supercar Shootout which will see a convoy of Customised three-wheelers cross 12 countries, 2 continents, the Arctic Circle and Europe's highest mountain pass to raise money for the Breakthrough Breast Cancer charity. The LoveHoney drivers will be motoring in a unique recreation of Lady Penelope's FAB1 Rolls Royce -- a Reliant Robin painted pink and styled to look like the famous Thunderbirds Roller. The three-wheeled FAB1 will line up on the grid alongside Starsky and Hutch's cop car, the Dukes of Hazzard's General Lee and Thunderbird 4. The citizens of Russia, Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania will have another reason to look out for LoveHoney's Lady Penelopes -- the FAB1's boot will be crammed full of condoms and sex toys. They promised plenty of sex photos and sex videos. "We want to spread the safe sex message as far as possible. We think we can fit about 10,000 condoms in the boot of the FAB1 Robin Reliant," says Jenny, 27. "It won't leave much room for clothes or food, especially because the back seat will be packed with several boxes of Rabbit vibrators. I'm sure it will have its compensations, though!" As well as making a considerable donation and providing all the sexy toys and condoms, LoveHoney has also provided its drivers with stylish pink racer suits. There is also a serious side to the journey. As recently as last September, the notoriously provocative Vladimir Zhirinovsky, leader of Russia’s Liberal Democratic Party, was proposing to tackle the problem of his country's declining population by legalising polygamy. And because the country has 20 million more women than men he said they had to "take a stand against so-called safe sex." "We don't expect to change attitudes overnight, but anything we can do to raise awareness of safe sex is going to help," says Sarah, 28. "And if we help some girls have some fun at the same time, then so much the better. Safe sex doesn't mean no sex -- it just means use your imagination!" The 10 teams taking part in the TV Supercar Shootout will leave Bath in Somerset on 2 July 2004 and aim to end their two-week journey in the Estonian capital Tallin on 16 July. You can follow the girls' sexual odyssey in their weblog diary on the LoveHoney Web site. When they're on the road, the girls will update the blog via mobile phone, laptop and in cybercafes. Perhaps us lucky surfers will get the chance to see some Nude Dancing :) http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/blog ----------------------------------------------------- Source: our dear friend Richard Longhurst Check his blog for follow ups on LoveHoneys trip or drop by erotic blog for updates. 12:26:52 AM

Saturday, July 12, 2003

A SEX TOUR THROUGH COSTA RICA. Part I. by Connoisseur - June 2003  .............................................................................................................. JUNE 12 My one prior trip to CR was last April when I joined my Boston-based mongering buddy, Vegas Bob, in San Jose. I had a great time then, doing afternoon sessions and all-nighters most of my 5 nights there. Two of the nights were with a pretty Columbian, Milena, who was about 25; at 5’2” and 110# she sports a magnificent set of D-cups. We had clicked on our 1st overnight ($300) and she proved to be 100% GFE on the Saint Bart Scale (DFK, DATY and BBBJ), with 2 plusses for “extras”. Milena alone was great, but trip highlight was my last night when we joined Vegas Bob and his pretty blonde Tica, Penelope, (24, 4’10”, 95#, 34C-24-32) for dinner. Milena was obviously hot for Penelope and the attraction proved mutual, as M later introduced P to the joys of Sappho, and dinner’s dessert turned out to be a multi-hour 4-some that left everyone totally drained. Several years ago I had spent several days on my boat in Bimini with two blondes from Toronto that also liked each other. I wanted to see the Costa Rican Pacific seacoast and thought Milena and Penelope would make great company for a similar adventure. It took some time to clear my schedule, but finally I was flying into San Jose on Thursday April 3 to begin a 3-day 3-some on Friday that I had set up by phone with P, who speaks much more English than M. As luck would have it, Bob had arrived the day before for his now every-other-month stay; he generously blessed my intended romp with “his” girl, Penelope. Thursday night we each picked up a partner for dinner together and afterwards went to our respective rooms for some 2-some fun. I had been totally sated before leaving Ft Lauderdale by my blonde sex dancer GF, who knows of my habits, so I wasn’t up for a wild time. But Claudia, who I had seen before, is pretty and a very pleasant person... she gave me a nice fully body massage capped by BBBJ; I gave her $100 for the 4+ hours we spent together and fell asleep. Earlier, on arriving at the Hotel Del Ray where I was staying the one night, I had called Ms P; we planned a 9AM rendezvous to drive to Jaco (I reserved a car at the Del Ray for airport drop-off Mon AM); Ms P also gave her okay to $500 for the Fri AM to Mon AM sexfest. She was due to hear from Milena that evening and would give her the 9AM start time. Friday at 7:30AM, Ms P called and said she had not heard from M and we should wait until 11AM to depart. Ms P arrived shortly after 11:00; still not having heard from M, we decided to go as soon as she had a tequila. Driving out of San Jose we stopped at a supermarket to fill the soft-sided cooler I had brought with beers, water and a quart of a local vodka-like beverage she called “waddles.” On the road again, P’s cell phone rang and it was Milena. “Come back and get me” she said. I said “No. You take a bus to Jaco and we’ll get you there”; M said she would. Ms P isn’t great with directions and we ended up at the Coast, but perhaps 50 km above the Jaco road. It was no problem… the lush green countryside was pretty … reminded me of Vermont… and we followed a coast road south to the right road and into Jaco. (The roads we traveled everywhere were fine, and very similar to the non-Interstates you’d find in Vermont; but with no lights, driving is best done in daylight.) I was told the Best Western on the north edge of Jaco is the best hotel in town. We checked-in ($115/night); the 5th floor room had a single and double bed, a terrace overlooking the pool and the beach a few hundred yards away. Ms P and I elected to test out the bed… it proved very satisfactory, as was she… resuming her 100% GFE service level established months ago. Later we went for an ocean swim… the surf was rough and the sand is really a black volcanic ash that fills your bathing suit. Ugh! We decided the pool was for us in the future. Dark came and Milena called to say she was at the bus station, which turned out to be across the street from our hotel. We picked her up and brought her back to the room. Somehow there had been miscommunication on the rate. She demanded US$5,000, then US$1,000. I replied “Take the next bus back to San Jose.” So $500 was fine, but she wanted it now and promised to stay the entire period. I paid her. Ms P came out of the bathroom, we smoked some of the local loco weed M had brought and we went to dinner at the hotel. Walking back from dinner, Ms P collapsed… passed out. Seems her 95 pounds can’t handle the Imperials, waddles and weed combo. M and I put her to bed and reacquainted ourselves. God! This is one hot and multi-orgasmic woman capable of lengthy ass fuck. It turns out she has been retired (I think with a boyfriend) and working at a regular job… she came for the fun of the reunion and again proved to be 100% GFE. I swear for two hours we were like long-lost lovers that couldn’t get enough of each other! Bodies entwined, we slept past 7AM. And on to a memorable tit fuck. Saturday morning we had breakfast at 9AM and were sunning at the pool by 10AM. The hotel is a small Club Med knock off, with music and games always going on and led by hotel staff. The clientele is a combo of Canadian group tours and groups of horny guys staying in Jaco before or after a few days of sports fishing at Quepos, 100km down the coast. Ms P and M, both bikini models, drove them crazy; whenever I left to get a drink or go to the toilet, I’d come back to 3 or 4 guys talking to them and acting like dogs in heat. By Noon we’d had plenty of sun and returned to the room for an afternoon of indoor sporting and perfecting every variation imaginable (except Greek) of menage a trios. One highlight was me doggying Ms P while she was eating M and then the two ladies cumming at the same time. There must be something about the local loco weed as it kept me going forever… to the point where they were amazed … ultimately tag-teaming me to finally get me off. That afternoon, I was The Man of Steel! to be continued.... .............................................................................................................. THE CONNOISSEUR REPORT - World Sex Guide. EB recommends sexy naked models if your a boob man. 8:57:17 PM

Sunday, July 06, 2003

A SEX TOUR THROUGH ANTILLES. WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW. by Connoisseur - May 2003  .............................................................................................................. MAY 14 2003 I only had 2 days in St. Maarten, and I'd never been there before, so I felt a little anxious as I cleared customs and headed to the rental car counters. First bit of good news was a cute little Peugot 2 seater hardtop/convertible for $70/day......now it's off to find a cheap hotel and locate the 5 brothels before dark. Using the directions from Dutchie's and Surfer's reports on TSM travel , I easily found the road heading north out of Philipsburg along the Salt Pond. The first thing that impressed me was how small this island was.....The casas were easy enough to find.......Le Petit Chateau was in a landfill area a stones throw from downtown.......Seamen's Club (I love the name!) was around the corner heading up the hills in Sucker Garden.......Defiance Haven was at the top of the hill on the same road, and continuing north, Sunset Retreat was at the bottom of that hill and Casa Blanca a mile further, just before the French border. Just beyond the border was a lovely bay called Oyster Pond, with a marina and several small hotels and a restaurant on the water. So I got a room there for $60 a night - no phone or TV, but I had no time for that anyway......so it's time to check out the daytime action, so I head to the largest casa, Defiance. There's 2 girls milling about outside, 3 or 4 more inside at the bar, and I'm starting to have my doubts about this place... I head back towards my hotel and stop at Casa Blanca, where a cute little Flacita is waving at me from the front steps. She leads me into a large open room with a bar and a stage, 4 or 5 chicas inside......es todo sexy Dominicanas! We head downstairs to her room after paying a $3 fee to the bar (only place that did this).....no A/C in her room (again, the only place like that) but at least a nice big fan........she's typical of every girl I encountered there - CBJ, no DFK, and $50 for 20 minutes......she's nice and tight, and eager, ad I'm out of there just under the time limit. One more thing to take care of before dark, as I cruise the downtown streets and some locals on a corner call out to me......gee, I wonder what they want? Well, $20 later and I've got some fine local herb for the weekend. After a French Caribbean dinner of Creole Lobster and Conch Chowder at the waterfront restaurant across from my hotel (Captain Oliver's) it's time to get serious. I hit the Defiace Haven just after 10 pm......previous reports indicated that this was the premier casa on the Island, with 40 to 50 girls available......well, not anymore - there were no more than 20 at the most.....in other words, it was slim pickens! And there wasdn't a single girl there I wanted to ****, and the Viagra had already taken effect. So I head back towards town and stop at the next place, Seamen's Club......and like the other 4 casas, 15 to 20 sexy naked models working (tops!), but this place had a few prospects.......I ended up with a double - two friends from Cali......and to my surprise, the 'lesbian show' they promised was awesome! And so was all the real sex that followed! They ignored the 20 minute limit posted on the door, the A/C was crankin' (this is important in the Caribbean!) and I'm a very happy man as I fly home in my convertible. Next day was my only full day, so it was time to head to the beach. 37 to choose from, but one of the closest to my hotel is the famous Orient Beach (Baie Oriente), supposedly the Caribbean Cote' de Azur. Well, it did'nt disappoint......powdery white sand, clear blue waters, and lots of topless girls and just plain naked people!! Good looking, too, compared to other Clothing Optional beaches I've been to. My mission on this last night is to hit all 5 casas and find the most beautiful girl(s) available. First stop is Le Petit Chateau - and this place is not my type. Nothing but chubby women, BBW sex if you want ......and I'm being kind here......it seems this place is for the girls that the other 4 places won't hire. Next it's back to Casa Blanca, and there I find a delightfully beautiful negrita with a big black ass....off we go, but at 20 minutes she stops cold and I'm not done yet.......she wants another $50 to continue, but I've got 3 casas to go and only 1 blue pill left so I'm outta there. I figure I'd give Defiance Haven one more chance, but it's the same story again tonight......this place has the potential, but it seems that its glory days have passed, so I head to the only casa I haven't been to, the Sunset Retreat. Another all-Dominican lineup, a small main room with the music blaring, and I'm gone in about 5 minutes. Now I know, you've got to spend at least an hour in these places to see all the chicas, but now I've got other ideas......maybe the best girl was one of my duo from last night, a 4'10", 85# Calena named Jessica (YES-ica). This time it was just me & her, and it was great......you always get better service on a return visit (I remembered this from Curacao) and we had a wonderful session, including a prolonged 69.....I guess they don't watch the clock here, so Seamen's Club is now my favorite spot on the island. I arranged for one more visit with Jessica on my way to the Airport the next day, and even at 11am there are 8 to 10 chicas available......so this is now the #1 place on the Island, but for pure mongering this place has nothing on Curacao. Here's the Breakdown: ST. MAARTEN.........................................CURACAO 5 Brothels- 15 girls each .....................1 brothel with 150 chicas $50 for 20 minutes - ...........................50 guilders for 20 minutes No takeout ...................................... ($28 last time I went) 2 strip clubs - availability unknown.........4 strip clubs w/ takeout $80-$100 37 great beaches................................ 4 or 5 OK beaches lots of nudity (French side)...................no nudity Mountainous, verdant...........................Flat and desert-like Viagra by prescription only...................Over the counter Jessica told me she'd be working in Curacao Oct - Dec. She likes it better there even though it's less money per trick.......said she would go days only seeing a couple of guys in St. Maarten......that would never happen in a place as lively as Campo Alegre in Curacao - the largest and best Brothel in the Caribbean! .............................................................................................................. THE CONNOISSEUR REPORT - World Sex Guide. EB recommends nude sexy models for all your glamour delights. 1:54:49 AM

Sunday, June 08, 2003

A SEX TOUR THROUGH COSTA RICA. WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW. Part II by Connoisseur - April 2003  .............................................................................................................. Continued from posting 06/07/03 MONDAY, APRIL 28, 2003 El K left very early for a flight home, so I meet elbowGrease for breakfast and sign in as El K and eat for nothing. It was good. And free. We take a walk on 2nd Avenue, where I pick up a bunch of non-Pfeizer viagra. I purchased them there on my last trip, and it worked just as well, but with less of the side effects. I can be a poster boy for side effects with the real stuff, so I'm happy. The price was $8.97 for two, 50mg pills. Elbow and I then split up. I head for Joselyn's, which was starting to be an unattainable quest for me. I discovered Joselyn's a few trips back one afternoon with my buddy B. It cost about $1.50 to get in, but that included a beverage. There were a couple of pretty young girls the first time, so I figured I would go back at night. But I could never find the place at night. I next found it with Wacko, Goal and X last trip. Again a few pretty, young girls. Ah ha! They're only open days! This time, I enter and try to get a soda. Only beer, they say. Water, I ask for. No water either. "Wait here, we will get some." And a kid runs out of the place. Fifteen minutes later, I begged just for a glass of ice, but no go. My soda was on the way. I decide to liven up the proceedings. I approach two young girls. One was pretty enough, but the other one just gave off the vibe that she was on earth for one thing and one thing only. I choke a little, and my Spanish gets worse. The prettier one takes a beer, but my new love doesn't drink either. The three of us sit and joke about our thirst until the drinks finally show up. I ask how much is the charge here and am told $16.66. FOR TWO, I ask. No for just one. Two are $33.33. Vamanos, I say. They're shocked, but game. This was a half hour to remember. The prettier one tried to keep up, but her friend was an animal. I think her hips are still moving. They were all business, so they certainly earned the $7.69 tip I gave each of them. I stumble to my room and rest for a couple of hours until I meet up with elbowGrease for dinner. We go to the El Pueblo Mall (think Las Olas Riverfront or Citywalk except REAL) and have a good dinner. We sat at the table Goal dubbed 7A in his honor. We cab back to the Del Rey and I hit the Tute table while elbow roots me on. He is starting to act a little depressed, due to his trip home the next day. It happens to all of us, I explain. The up side is that he's coming back. It cheers him up, but only a little. By this time, I have given up hope of finding Denise. I was already planning to go rescue the girl from the afternoon, and just keep her around all the time until I go home. How much could it cost? So I am gambling and gathering my strength for tomorrow, when I am grabbed from behind. "Mi Amore!" I hear, and get a good look at a big smile. Just when I gave up and ditched all my plans, there she is. I say, "elbow, I would like you to meet Denise." He smiles and says, "I'm not needed here, see you." We make breakfast plans for the morning and off he goes. Denise and her friend Patricia join me at the Tute table. I give Patricia some chips (sort of a consolation prize) and we talk while I lose money. "Did you go home? I called and called." No "Did you get a visa extension?" No "I talked to your sister. She gave me your number here, but they never said you were home." I moved out. Those girls were bad. "Where were you the last two days? I was looking. There's even a reward." I hurt my knee. Enough small talk. I give Patricia what's left of my chips (VERY few) and off we go. First we go back (for me, at least) to El Pueblo. It's now about 11 pm, and the bars are hopping. We go to a couple of discos, and she gets some food. We then head back to the hotel. We were chatting, and having a great time. Last trip, Denise was new at this sort of thing. She wasn't a virgin, but I may have been her first professional experience. It was awesome. You may have noticed I was a bit, er, obsessed. Flash forward two months. This time, she seemed to learn the word, "no". Not often, but often enough. She started asking questions: "When did you get here?" Saturday. "Did you miss me?" More than you could imagine. "Why didn't you email me?" Because you didn't give me your email address. "Oh." "Why are we in this sh1thole of a hotel room?" Well, we were at the Radisson, but I couldn't find you. "Did you see any other girls while you were here?" Uh, one. Well, I said, I couldn't find you. My turn: "What about you, this is your job. You're with guys all the time." That's different. Besides, I don't get much work here. Well, we get the mission accomplished and fall asleep. TUESDAY, APRIL 29, 2003 I wake up on time to meet elbow for breakfast. I explain to Denise that I will be back later. She's OK with that, she loves to sleep. We meet for breakfast. Elbow congratulates me on a mission accomplished. He had a good time in San Jose, so we part ways as new friends. I return to the hotel and wake Denise up. We shower, dress and head to the San Pedro Mall. The San Pedro Mall is your average, run-of-the mill mall. Stores, food court, movie theater, arcade -- just like home, except it's all in Spanish, except the words "Food Court." Go figure. It was her first time there, but it didn't take her long to add it all up. Girl, mall and guy with money = Free Clothes! She gets a couple of shirts, two skirts, some shoes and some other stuff. I cut her off at about $100. She complains. I explain that I have money, I just don't want to spend any more of it right now. She's not happy, but agrees. We have a mall lunch and go see a movie. It starred Dustin Hoffman and some CIA stuff. I like seeing movies over there. They're in English, with Spanish subtitles, so it's like Spanish Flash Cards for me. As we're leaving, she tries to hit me up for sneakers and jewelry. I hold firm at "no". Back at the hotel room, she shows the proper appreciation for her gifts. I was able to talk her out of a couple of the "nos", but this was a different girl than I met in February. Harder, more jaded. We rest up a little, then have a sushi dinner and look for Patricia, probably to show her the new clothes. They go off to chat, while I gamble some. It was fun telling the girls in the Del Rey sorry, no. Why?, they would ask. Because my girlfriend will kill me, I answer. She comes back and bitc*es at me about the sneakers some more. I have none of it, and ask, "where do you want to go now?" She says, nowhere, I say OK. She says, let's go back to the room, I'm tired. I say OK. At the room, she jumps in bed and pulls the covers up. Calling her bluff, I tell her that I am going back to the casino and will be back later. I go downstairs and win about $30. When I come back upstairs, she basically attacks me and an hour later, leaves me drained and asleep next to her. I guess when I left, she got worried. Or something. I have no clue. She's female. And she thinks in Spanish. WEDNESDAY, APRIL 30, 2003 We wake up, and we're both surly. Me, because all my wonderful dreams didn't come true, and I was going home today. And her, because it was way too early, based on her regular sleep patterns. We act civil to each other while we eat breakfast, shower and pack. She says, well, I'm outta here. I give her about $200. She counts it (last time, she never even looked at the money I gave her), thanks me, kisses me on the cheek, and says good-bye, when are you coming back? I tell her I don't know, but I will write. I take her downstairs and put her in a cab. Off she went. I go to the Del Rey, and lose another $53, head back to the hotel, check out and get a cab to the airport. How did I feel at this time? Bad question. Numb. Sad. Foolish. Happy. Don't ask how, that's how I felt. At least the flight home was on time. AA didn't lose my bags, and my friend was there to pick me up as the other half of my birthday present. VARIOUS NOTES All converstions listed above (with the chicas) were primarily in Spanish. I have practiced a lot, but again, it is NOT necessary to speak the language here to have a good time. Likewise, all prices were in Colonnes. I just did the conversions for you. I liked my cab driver to the airport. He's a good kid, and spoke very good English. If I do a short trip, I may just put him on retainer. It would cost more, but the convienence would be worth it. The airport exit tax is now US$26. It is a slicker system, and they take Visa. Not Master Card or Amex. I was laughing too hard to even ask about Discover. Now, the question I have been dancing around: What am I going to do about Denise? Well, probably nothing. I will write her in a couple of weeks, and she probably won't write back. The next time I go, if I see her, I will probably not spend the time with her I did this trip. I'm pretty sure that most of our, er, relationship the first time was in my head. Regardless, she was different this trip -- not the girl I knew previously. I was VERY serious about Denise #1. Just my bad luck that she didn't go home when I was in the Dominican Republic. Or maybe luck had nothing to do with it. After all, she didn't show up until I abandoned my initial plans this trip. I guess the search for Miss Right continues. Until next time, adios. .............................................................................................................. THE CONNOISSEUR REPORT - World Sex Guide. 10:48:59 PM

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