4 days to go
Our recent offer of field-soiled preview copies of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix was so successful, that we have now arranged for several thousand copies slightly damaged in transit to be made available to Countdown readers. The only condition is that you have to arrange your own transport. (Colin's Countdown advises readers with bad backs or weak hearts to take medical advice before collecting this book alone.)
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Apology |
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| The manufacturers of the Hagrid Doll have asked us to point out that the dinosaur which we referred to in a previous article is in fact a dragon. This was an innocent mistake on our part. Well, have you ever seen a live dragon in a school playground? |
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By my calculations Harry Potter will be 15 during book 5. I wonder if he will be behaving like a typical 15 year old lad. I mean with all those magical powers he could really have some fun.
In fact, movie makers have missed an opportunity for an astonishing and ground-breaking series of films instead of the the usual steadily declining set of sequels...
Now get this - this is revolutionary. As well as moving thought the episodes of the story, they could have moved through the full set of film censorship classifications and at the same time moved through the full gamut of film genres. It would have been movie-making history:
- U
- A Disney style fairy tale with Harry Potter and Princess Hermione.
- PG
- A family comedy - sort of Muggle in the Middle - you know the type of thing.
- 12
- A heart-wrenching weepy where Mrs Weasley spends hours in a hospital waiting room.
- 15
- A raunchy adolescent comedy with lots of pondweed spells and envigorating potions.
- 18
- A violent thriller, where top detective Cracker breaks into Hogwarts armed only with 14 sub-machine guns and a bazooka
- R18
- Hermione finally gets to perform some tricks from the restricted section of the Hogwarts library.
The observant amongst you will have noticed that this makes for only 6 episodes. Well, of course by that time interest will have waned badly through overexposure and the dismal failure of Harry Potter 6. So, the sure way to get back in the news is to make the final installment so outrageous that it is banned from all British cinemas. Cecil B Demille, eat your heart out.
Sources close to Scotland Yard have revealed that they have called in Cracker to help investigate a recent book theft...
8:30:36 PM 
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