Tuesday, June 03, 2003

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Rant!  Erik's Adventures in Spamland Pt. 1 Don't you miss the good old days when spam was simple, straightforward and got right to the point?  Tasteful subject headings along the lines of "LIVE XXX GIRLS ARE WAITING FOR YOU NOW!" or "BJ QUEENS TAKING IT IN EVERY HOLE" would segway into eloquently composed emails insisting that you simply must click on their provided hyperlink.  If you were genial/curious/brain-damaged enough to oblige, you were rewarded with a sloppily assembled webpage respectfully asking for your name, home address, credit card number and expiration date.  Being the dutiful horny bastard that you are, you did the right thing and immediately reached for your wallet.  Unfortunately, no sooner did you enter the first two digits of your Visa card number than the screen suddenly exploded with 50,000 pop-up windows covering every inch of your monitor and about 1.7 seconds later your computer capitulated and presented you with the highly-venerated BSOD.  In the end, there was no winner.  By virtue of its overzealousness, the site never had a chance to take your money and you never did find out what Katy and her girlfriends did to each other at that slumber party the other night.  Ah, the joys of spam. Times have changed.  This email was sent to me yesterday: Subj: I read your profile  Date: 6/2/2003 9:48:37 PM Pacific Daylight Time From: christinea@elvis.com Hi: I saw your profile on Match and thought I would write.  I am new to this area and i'm trying to find someone to do things with. I just moved to Encino from Colorado about a month ago and I must say I really like it here. But i hardly know anybody here, except for my roomate who moved here a little while back. She says she's met her friends through the internet and that there's a lot of interesting people I may like.  Hopefully I will find one.  I am quite new to this whole internet thing, haven't had a computer before.  So I'm using her connection, My roomate Christine gave me your email and showed me how to send it but now we can't figure out how to attach my picture here. She helped me ,though, with my profile, we put it (profile and picture) at the free site(singleslibrary)com where she's at, I think you click on locate 2912356. If after looking at it you're interested in getting together or calling me, I'll be home all day tomorrow at 21341368.  I've been told i'm attractive and sweet. I am also open minded and like trying new things, I am fun to be with, I like jokes and laughing. Any way we can talk and see what we have in common and maybe get together if you would like to. Well, I'm sending out a few e-mails, so, let's see what happens.Hope to hear from you soon Bye, Jane P.S. Did you get my last e-mail, I think I messed it up? I don't know if we'll be using this e-mail addresses anymoreso call me, she prefers we use only one at singles library so she won't have to sign in to get them, they forward them directly to her computer. Okay, first of all, what's with all the text?  You're actually going to make me read this drivel?  I've been told I'm attractive and sweet... I like jokes and laughing... What the fuck?!  No you don't.  You don't even exist, "Jane".  You're some fat old dude sitting at your computer trying to get me to part with my cash -- and I want to let you.  Cut to the chase! Secondly, where's the vulgarity?  The debauchery?  The promise of drunken girl-on-girl dormroom orgies?  I mean, there aren't even any hyperlinks to click on for God's sake!  How am I supposed to allow myself to be redirected to a "secure" webpage where I can give you all my personal information, not to mention my credit card number? Ah, but wait.  There is a web address hidden in there.  You just have to look for it, and no hyperlinky action either.  So now, I have to actually shift my lazy ass and type in the URL manually.  How devious!  They're actually going to make me work to be a sucker.  Okay, we'll play that game, 'cause I got money to burn and time to waste baby! Typing in http://www.singleslibrary.com brought me to this page: On the outset, this site seems perfectly benign.  Legitmate, even.  Who knows what insidiousness lurks beneath its surface?  And, more important, when are they going to ask me for my fucking money?! To be continued... 2:04:57 AM    comment []