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Bad Money

  Wednesday, December 31, 2003


The "Extracting Saddam's Confession" round-up is up. Be sure to stop by because there's a bonus torture in the round-up entry. Some of my favorite quotes from various participants:

Play the Barney theme song continuously. Keep playing it after he breaks.

"Please! Please! Make them stop!" Saddam screeched, clawing at his eyes and ears.

Lock him in a room full of baboons who have recently dined on Mamacita Culebra’s Chili.


I have to admit that I'm surprised that Susie didn't weigh in with, "give him what I've got". Speaking of Susie, she's posted a picture in the upper left of her blog that shows off every inch of her legs. You might want to take a peek before she chickens out & takes it down.

Anyway, New PGH due Jan 7th: What does the Axis of Weasels need to do earn the forgiveness of America and the Coalition of the Willing?

And don't forget your Filthy Lie Assignment, due this Friday: How will Evil Glenn be ringing in the new year?

posted by Harvey at 8:12:51 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


I've just seen proof that angels exist. Apparently they're big fans of the US Air Force.

(hat tip to Blogless Brother Roy for pointing me to this one)

posted by Harvey at 5:04:31 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Tuesday, December 30, 2003



The Angel That Stands By Me

Dreams of love, so beautiful,
Fairies dancing by the sea...
The moon shining in the heavens,
And an angel standing by me!

And when the morning sun breaks,
Butterflies flutter by...
Bees that kiss the blossoms,
Cottony clouds in the sky!

Oh, what a lovely scenario,
Lovelier, it could not be...
And all the more perfect,
With the angel that stands by me!

For you were always by my side,
For more I could never ask...
And long ago, Heaven sent you to me,
And in soft sunshine, I always bask!

For never could I ask for more,
Than the glories I always see...
All these wonderful gifts are mine,
With the angel that stands by me!

posted by Harvey at 10:05:09 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


[This dollar is only for Rebecca Stevens. Becky lives in Alsip, IL (Chicagoland Area) - From Larry D. Hoogstraten]

Although Rebecca thought the dollar was a sweet & thoughtful gift, she decided to buy the lottery ticket for 2 reasons. First, she was having another one of her "really strong lucky hunches", and second, if she didn't do something to break his fool heart soon, she could end up as Rebecca Hoogstraten, doomed to a lifetime "how do you spell your last name?"

"UGH!", she thought. "One Loot Pursuit, please," she said to the pimply-faced counter-boy, "and HURRY!"

posted by Harvey at 9:58:20 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Saddam has intelligence. Not in the sense of being smart enough not to thumb his nose at the US, but rather he knows where certain things are. The Alliance is asking for methods of information extraction, so I will oblige.

There's always the classics, such as drugs, sleep deprivation, starvation, sensory overload and the like, but he may prove resistant to such persuasion. There are sterner options available:

Play "this little piggy" with a hammer. It may not have worked in "Payback", but then again, Saddam is no Mel Gibson.

Sea urchin enema

Strap a thermometer to his willy & have him check the temp on the McDonalds fry oil

Oops! Looks like Saddam got his tie caught in the industrial paper shredder. Sure hope nobody accidentally disabled the "reverse" button.

Ipecac coladas

Steak-umm underwear and a hungry Rottweiler

Scorpion bath

Or maybe we should just get him a new job:

No-hands barnyard masturbator

Cameraman for the new movie, "Lesbo Love Fest", starring Janet Reno and Helen Thomas

San Francisco bathhouse glory-hole sanitizer. Don't forget the buttless red leather chaps uniform
for this one.

Maybe checking Sigfried & Roy's tigers for colon polyps?

Septic tank inspector. Remember to pump the tank before sending him in. Or not.

Crash test dummy

I hear the Mayo Clinic has an opening for a colostomy-bag-emptier

Or maybe we can just send him on vacation:

To a furvert convention in a panda constume

To South Central LA. After midnight. With a pocket full of $100's. Wearing a "F*** Jesse
Jackson" T-shirt

On second thought, screw it. Brass knuckles & razor blades. Either he spills his guts, or we do.


posted by Harvey at 6:45:30 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Monday, December 29, 2003



You want to know how great my love is?
Count the waves.

posted by Harvey at 11:55:05 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Frank J. signs up yet another annoying, pop-up-ad-and-spam-delivering sponsor. A week later, as they filed for Chapter 13 bankruptcy protection, they discovered why the "Create a Blogad for IMAO" page is the #1 Google hit for the search: "kiss of death".

posted by Harvey at 11:53:44 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


I was over at Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon back on December 19th, and for the fifth day in a row, the Bartender was mysteriously absent. Dana was working the bar, so I asked her about it…

Dana: Nope. Haven't seen him since Sunday.

Harv: Odd. Oh well, I'm sure he'll turn up sooner or later. By the way, nice T-shirt. “Irrigate Hillary”. Heh.

Dana: Thanks. Just doing my part to support the troops.

Harv: By the way, have you been restocking the cooler?

Dana: Yeah… how'd you know
Harv: It's just that you're kinda… dotting the I's on that T-shirt, if you know what I mean…

Dana: *blush* Oh Harv, you're so naughty *giggle*

After admiring the view for a couple more seconds, I headed back to the corner, where Matty O'Blackfive & Mike the Marine were knocking back some Guinness bottles, occasionally pausing to shout “
brilliant!” at each other, and generally acting like a couple of drunken idiots:

Matty: Look! I've invented the 6-pack. Now I can drink 6 beers at once!

Mike: Brilliant! And I've invented the tapper so I can drink this entire keg of Guinness without having to re-fill my glass!

Matty: Brilliant!

Harv: Say, have either of you guys seen the Bartender? He's been missing for days.

Matty: What? You've found a way to keep the Bartender from telling dumb ass Kang A. Roo jokes?

Mike: Brilliant!

Harv: Would you guys shut up for a minute? This is serious. I'm starting to get worried, and...

From the TV in the corner came a familiar voice...

Evil Glenn:... so come on down to Blender's, the evilest bar in the blogosphere. And, as soon as I torture the recipe out of the Bartender, we'll be featuring the Ultimate Martini as our specialty. That's BLENDER'S!

Harv: Did you guys hear that? Evil Glenn has kidnapped the Bartender! We've got to go rescue him!

Matty: I don't know, Harv, we're kinda busy getting drunk here...

Mike: Yeah, this beer ain't gonna drink itself.

Harv: Take the beer with you. You can drink it on the way.

Matty: Harv's discovered a way to drink beer AND rescue the Bartender at the same time!

Mike: Brilliant!

Harv: Geez you guys are annoying! Mike, go get the truck warmed up. Matty, you carry the keg. Hmmm... we're gonna need some muscle. Hey! Heather! Wanna help us rescue the Bartender from the vile clutches of Evil Glenn?

Heather: Sure! Just let me finish arm-wrestling the boucer...[SLAM!]... Ok, I'm ready.

Bouncer: Oh, come on! I was just getting warmed up. One more time...

Heather: Give it up, already! I just beat you seven times in a row.

Bouncer: Best 8 out of 15?

Heather: I [WHACK!] SAID [BASH!] NO! [SLAM! *CRACK!*]

Harv: Damn, Heather, I think you broke his... well,... everything.

Heather: He shouldn't have disrespected my dainty femininity.

Harv: You're such a classy dame.

Heather: Ain't I just? Now [cracking knuckles] let's get rescuin'!

Meanwhile over at Blender's, Evil Glenn had the Bartender tied up in the Champale Cubicle and was attempting to pry the Ulltimate Martini Recipe out of him by forcing him to drink tequila shots...

Evil Glenn: You've had 35 shots of Jose Cuervo. Soon you'll be so drunk you'll tell me recipe for the Ultimate Martini. MUAHAHAHAHA!

Bartender: Uh... sure... in fact, I'm almost there already. How about another shot? That should do the trick.

Evil Glenn: Soon the customer-seducing power of the Ultimate Martini Recipe will be in my hands. Then Blender's will become the most popular bar in the blogosphere and I will double my domination of the Ecosystem! MUAHAHAHAHA!

Bartender: Hello? Thirsty kidnapping victim over here? Make with the drinky-drink already!

Evil Glenn: Yes, of course. Misguided Minioness Jen! Fetch me another bottle of tequila!

Jen: Bite me, ya puppy-blending freak! I can't believe how stupid you are! The Ultimate Martini Recipe is posted right out in the open at Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon, free for the taking. Why the hell are you bothering with all the kidnapping & torture?

Evil Glenn: NEVER QUESTION ME! I AM THE DARK OVERLORD OF THE BLOGOSPHERE AND I SHALL NOT TOLERATE INSUBORDINATION! I don't pay you to criticize my nefarious schemes, I pay you do my bidding!... and to strut around in a black leather cat-suit... in which your breasts jiggle most fetchingly, I might add... NOW GET ME THAT TEQUILA!

Jen: Fine. What-EVER, Mr.-delusions-of-godhood. I'll be right back... [mumbling] stupid penguin-molesting assmunch...

Evil Glenn: I heard that!

Jen: And I'm pretending to care. Here's your stinkin' booze.

Evill Glenn: Here ya go Barkeep. Drink...DRINK!

Bartender: I thought you'd never ask [glug, glug, glug] AHHHHHH! Good stuff!

Evil Glenn: All right... now, tell me, what is the Ultimate Martini recipe?

Bartender: The recipe is...

Evil Glenn: Yesssss...


Evil Glenn: Right! That does it! I'm through messing around with you! Jen... blow him...

Jen: What? You sick twisted pervert scumbag! I'm not gonna give this freak a BJ!

Evil Glenn: Would you NOT interrupt? I was going to say "blow him away". Here's a gun.

Jen: [blushing] Oh. Sorry. Say your prayers, Barkeep. This is the end of the line for you.

Bartender: You mean I don't get that blowjob?

Jen: You are SOOOO dead! [cocking the pistol]

Suddenly a mighty crash sounded as Heather kicked the door in with her sexy and muscular leg. Wood shards flew everywhere, and the doorknob knocked the gun out of Jen's hand.

Harv: Nice kick. A little dainty though.

Heather: Quiet, or your balls are next.

Matty: Hi, Glenn! I've got five friends that want to talk to you [punching him in the face and knocking him out cold]

Jen: Heather, you bitch! I'm gonna kill the Bartender and you can't stop me!

Heather: Oh yeah? [launching a flying tackle and wrestling her to the ground]

Mike: Mmmm.... catfight.

Harv: Shouldn't we be taping this for the Champagne Room Sunday Night Movie?

Matty: Way ahead of you, Harv [squinting at the viewfinder of a digital camcorder] Damn! This is HOT!

Mike: Cat suit's ripping! OOH-RAH!

Heather [grabbing Jen's hair and throwing a series of face punches]: Don't [WHAM!] call [THUD!] me [POW!] bitch! [SMACK!]

Harv: Heather, you might not want to kill her just yet. She's still got interviews to post, including Dana's.

Heather [letting Jen's unconscious head drop to the floor]: I suppose you're right. I don't want to break a nail, and... Matt, what are you doing with that camcorder?

Matty [quickly hiding it behind his back]: Uh,... just, uh.... documenting Evil Glenn's crimes for posterity. Heh.

Mike: Let's just get the Bartender and get out of here before more of Glenn's evil henchmen show up.

Heather: Are you ok, Bartender? Are you hurt? Can you walk?

Bartender: I'm ferfectly pine. I just need another tot of shequila to clear my head...[slumps to the floor in a drunken heap]

Matty: Heather, just grab him & let's go.

Heather[tossing the Bartender lightly over one shoulder] Mike, be a gentleman and open the door for me, please?

Mike looked at the blasted hole where the door used to be, started to mention the door's absence, thought better of it, shrugged, and kicked aside a few scraps of wood.

Mike: After you, m'lady

Heather [beaming]: You're so sweet!... Matt! Harv! Get your asses in gear!

Matty [filling his pockets with scotch bottles]: Right behind ya!

Harv [raiding the cash register]: OOOH! Look! Graffiti currency!

Heather: Harv!

Harv: Right! Coming!

Later, at Madfish Willie’s Cyber Saloon, Matty & I were sitting in a quiet corner discussing the evening’s events:

Harv: I can’t believe how incredibly stupid & dangerous it was busting into Evil Glenn’s lair like that. Good thing we had Heather with us.

Matty: No kidding. Remind me never to piss her off.

Harv: Yeah… uh,... speaking of which, do you have that video handy?

Matty: Heh. Sure do, let’s take a peek, and… oh… crap…

Harv: What’s the matter?

Matty: That DVD I burned… it’s missing.

Harv: Missing? What the hell happened to it?

Matty: I don’t know. Maybe it fell out of the camcorder or something.

Suddenly, from the TV in the corner, a familiar voice:

Evil Glenn: ...and remember, every Sunday at Blender’s is Champale Cubicle Movie Night! This week featuring the hot girl-on-girl action of “Blog War Catfight”

A familiar (and extremely hot) vision graced the screen as Matty & I broke out in simultaneous cold sweats.

Harv: Maybe Heather won’t notice…

Heather: What the f*** is THAT? You guys are SO f****** dead!

Matty: Race ya to Mexico…

Harv: Si, amigo.

Fortunately, while cowering in Tijuana, we were able to lay hands on a 500-pound crate of Orville Reddenbacher’s Movie Theater Popcorn, and had it FedEx’d to Heather, who accepted the gift of her favorite junk food, and quickly forgave us our trespasses as she lapsed into a carb-coma.

But I swear on the Bartender’s tip jar, that bastard Evil Glenn is going to pay for what he did.

The. War. Goes. On.


posted by Harvey at 10:33:02 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


I wish everybody's blog-buddies were as cool as mine. They have ALL voted EVERY week since the blog-buddy program started.


Here are some more reasons why they're so cool:

First, I just noticed that Susie has re-pinkified her blog. Even the pretty Alliance birdy is now the same color as Susie's cheeks after I finish talking dirty to her. Second, even though she's dying of some miserable disease or another, she still has the energy to threaten mutiny against Alliance Fearless Leader Frank J. if he doesn't start voting in the showcase. Beware the Ides of March, Frank.

America's Favorite Drunken Irish Paratrooper, Matty O'Blackfive, announces oh-so-casually that he'll soon be packing another parachute on those family vacations behind enemy lines. Go buy the proud-poppa-to-be-again a beer. Or maybe a condom.

Kevin of Eckernet has returned to blogging in fine fashion, with a big fat dose of Christian holiday greeting oppression.(Dec 28, CTRL+F "belated" - Kevin, what did I tell you about those permalinks?) Make sure to click the link to "Five Levels of a Hangover". I'll give you #4, but you have to get the rest on your own:

Four Star Hangover (****)

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

The Geekster of physicsgeek posts a linky-love round-up. Normally I'd link to something original, but he actually posted the picture of the Howard Dean parody magazine cover, so it's worth the trip to Geekville for that alone. Dana, please don't click the link until I'm out of strangling range.

posted by Harvey at 9:41:27 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


<a href="">Flying Chair</a> (159 links) - 3797 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Anti-Idiotarian Rotweiler</a> (509 links) - 2268 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love</a> (235 links) - 800 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">annika's journal &amp; poetry</a> (136 links) - 260 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">the evangelical outpost</a> (190 links) - 258 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Say Anything</a> (68 links) - 180 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Being American in T.O.</a> (93 links) - 173 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Pardon My English</a> (92 links) - 150 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Practical Penumbra</a> (214 links) - 141 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">DAN K OLEARY DOT COM BLOG</a> (108 links) - 135 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Ramblings of Silver Blue</a> (155 links) - 129 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">The Alliance</a> (162 links) - 126 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Bad Money</a> (149 links) - 119 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Absinthe &amp; Cookies</a> (201 links) - 115 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">From the Halls to the Shores</a> (75 links) - 111 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">dogtulosba, ink. - soapiate of the masses</a> (58 links) - 100 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Colorado Conservative</a> (67 links) - 97 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Simon World</a> (82 links) - 87 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">VRWC, Inc.</a> (96 links) - 85 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">angelweave</a> (131 links) - 81 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">An Englishman's Castle</a> (65 links) - 79 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">physics geek</a> (82 links) - 74 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Civilization Calls</a> (64 links) - 63 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">BLATHER REVIEW</a> (91 links) - 44 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">The S-Train Canvass</a> (72 links) - 43 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Wince and Nod</a> (89 links) - 39 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">The Owner's Manual</a> (49 links) - 39 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Semi-Intelligent Thoughts</a> (65 links) - 35 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Homicidal Maniak</a> (68 links) - 34 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">The Common Virtue</a> (49 links) - 33 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">CandyUniverse</a> (90 links) - 31 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href=""></a> (64 links) - 30 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">The Gleeful Extremist</a> (60 links) - 29 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Self-composed</a> (64 links) - 28 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">BigStick</a> (71 links) - 27 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Left Coast Conservative</a> (131 links) - 25 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">curi's domain</a> (62 links) - 24 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Not Quite Tea and Crumpets</a> (73 links) - 23 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Grim's Hall</a> (63 links) - 22 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Elegance Against Ignorance</a> (78 links) - 17 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Ninjababe's Ramble</a> (66 links) - 13 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Newmanisms</a> (60 links) - 11 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Cannon's Canon</a> (59 links) - 11 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Hoppings of Roxette Bunny</a> (62 links) - 10 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Leah Guildenstern</a> (51 links) - 8 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Political commentary, analysis and opinion:</a> (133 links) - 0 visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Interested-Participant</a> (109 links) - visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href=""></a> (61 links) - visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">Ripe Bananas</a> (58 links) - visits/day <font color="red">V</font><br> <a href="">The New American Revolutionist</a> (57 links) - visits/day <font color="red">V</font></p>
posted by Harvey at 9:02:58 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Flying Chair (159 links) - 3797 visits/day V
Anti-Idiotarian Rotweiler (509 links) - 2268 visits/day V
Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love (235 links) - 800 visits/day V
annika's journal & poetry (136 links) - 260 visits/day V
the evangelical outpost (190 links) - 258 visits/day V
Say Anything (68 links) - 180 visits/day V
Being American in T.O. (93 links) - 173 visits/day V
Pardon My English (92 links) - 150 visits/day V
Practical Penumbra (214 links) - 141 visits/day V
DAN K OLEARY DOT COM BLOG (108 links) - 135 visits/day V
Ramblings of Silver Blue (155 links) - 129 visits/day V
The Alliance (162 links) - 126 visits/day V
Bad Money (149 links) - 119 visits/day V
Absinthe & Cookies (201 links) - 115 visits/day V
From the Halls to the Shores (75 links) - 111 visits/day V
dogtulosba, ink. - soapiate of the masses (58 links) - 100 visits/day V
Colorado Conservative (67 links) - 97 visits/day V
Simon World (82 links) - 87 visits/day V
VRWC, Inc. (96 links) - 85 visits/day V
angelweave (131 links) - 81 visits/day V
An Englishman's Castle (65 links) - 79 visits/day V
physics geek (82 links) - 74 visits/day V
Civilization Calls (64 links) - 63 visits/day V
BLATHER REVIEW (91 links) - 44 visits/day V
The S-Train Canvass (72 links) - 43 visits/day V
Wince and Nod (89 links) - 39 visits/day V
The Owner's Manual (49 links) - 39 visits/day V
Semi-Intelligent Thoughts (65 links) - 35 visits/day V
Homicidal Maniak (68 links) - 34 visits/day V
The Common Virtue (49 links) - 33 visits/day V
CandyUniverse (90 links) - 31 visits/day V (64 links) - 30 visits/day V
The Gleeful Extremist (60 links) - 29 visits/day V
Self-composed (64 links) - 28 visits/day V
BigStick (71 links) - 27 visits/day V
Left Coast Conservative (131 links) - 25 visits/day V
curi's domain (62 links) - 24 visits/day V
Not Quite Tea and Crumpets (73 links) - 23 visits/day V
Grim's Hall (63 links) - 22 visits/day V
Elegance Against Ignorance (78 links) - 17 visits/day V
Ninjababe's Ramble (66 links) - 13 visits/day V
Newmanisms (60 links) - 11 visits/day V
Cannon's Canon (59 links) - 11 visits/day V
Hoppings of Roxette Bunny (62 links) - 10 visits/day V
Leah Guildenstern (51 links) - 8 visits/day V
Political commentary, analysis and opinion: (133 links) - 0 visits/day V
Interested-Participant (109 links) - visits/day V (61 links) - visits/day V
Ripe Bananas (58 links) - visits/day V
The New American Revolutionist (57 links) - visits/day V

posted by Harvey at 9:01:48 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


I've seen some discussion here and there lamenting the way the Bear's New Blog Showcase has evolved since the introduction of the sponsorship prize for the organization of bloggers producing the highest participation percentage. The main complaint seems to be that a lot of bloggers just post whatever vote that their group leaders suggest, and don't even bother reading all the entries.

Now, I have to admit that the charge is probably true. Some bloggers do vote in blind lock-step. But the question is whether this is a good or bad thing, given that the purpose of the Showcase is to give increased visibility to new bloggers who are currently mired in the obscurity of microbe-dom.

My answer is a qualified "yes" on the "good thing" side.

Before the Sponsorship Challenge, the Showcase winner usually got around 10 votes or so. More recently, the number is about 40. There's no question that showcase winners are getting more links. The question is whether this leads to more site traffic and more readers, which tends to be what most bloggers are seeking.

That part is more of a maybe. If we assume that those 30 extra votes are all just copy and paste, then probably no. But judging from the vote posts I've seen, which usually include some sort of commentary on the entry in question, I'd have to think that at least some of those votes were posted by people who actually read the entries. I don't actually have numbers to prove that assertion, but I'm inclined to believe that new bloggers still get more traffic now that sponsorship is on the line.

But I will grant that the scenario is not ideal. Not all votes translate into readership. A blind vote does nothing to increase traffic, and there's a certain sense of unfairness and/or wrongness in that. I personally would prefer that all votes be made on the basis of merit, rather than partisanship or ideology. So maybe, in a sense, winning the showcase doesn't say as much about the quality of the entry as it used to. I will admit that much.

ut still, even a blind vote is a bit of free advertising for the blogger. Even if the link isn't clicked, just getting your blog's name out there so that it's more familiar helps to increase the chances that a future link will be clicked, if for no other reason than a reader saying to himself, "I keep seeing this blog's name. I wonder what all the fuss is about?". My philosophy is that there's no such thing as a bad link. All exposure is at least marginally good.

In sum, although the New Blog Showcase isn't as good as it's possible to imagine it being, it's still better off with the Sponsorship prize than without it, because more people are aware of the Showcase, even if they're not all participating in an ideal fashion. Although links and traffic are two important benefits, name recognition, while often overlooked, is a very important third, and the Showcase still provides that.

posted by Harvey at 12:07:14 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Sunday, December 28, 2003


The Packers had three chances to get into the playoffs.Their best hope was Seattle in San Francisco, since Seattle is horrendous on the road. Lucky for the Seahawks, San Francisco was horrendouser.

The next shot looked pretty good. A determined Dallas just needs to win against an out-of-the-race New Orleans. Piece of cake, and... DAMN! Stupid Dallas.

Ok, last prayer - Minnesota needs to lose in Arizona. Well, Arizona sucks, but Minnesota has a hard time on the road, and many bad days on real grass, so maybe... Nah. Might as well pack up the cheesehead for another year.

Green Bay does their job, with touchdowns on back-to-back plays as part of their 31-3 victory over Denver, but it's such a hollow victory. 2 minutes left & Minnesota is up by 11 points.

Oh look, Arizona scored a meaningless touchdown and blew the two-point conversion. Well, at least they'll only lose by 5, now. Time for the desperate on-side kick followed by some Vikings kneel-downs.

Ok, so Arizona recovered. There's still a lot of green between them and victory. I will now forcibly squash this hope that's rising inside me like a bad burrito.

Sack, sack, 4th & 24? Ugh. sigh.


Ah crap! Reviewed. He was probably out of bounds. Damn!

After reviewing the play:


oh. my. god.

In 4 seconds, the Packers went from sitting at home next week to actually HOSTING  the freakin' Wild Card game as the NFC North Division Champs.

If you'll excuse me, I think I'll go get happy-drunk now.

Heh. Stupid Vikings.

posted by Harvey at 6:43:25 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Saturday, December 27, 2003


Don of Anger Management has posted his "Mostly Useless Guide to Not Being Funny". Unfortunately, due to a series of typographical errors and a premature smacking of the "post" button, it wound up titled something else.

It's some 4-year old attempts at humor, and I point them out as encouragement to new bloggers: everyone sucks when they start out, but with practice, you'll eventually be asked to post Drink Alerts on your entries.

Read, cringe, and laugh at the occasional working gag.

Heh. "Humping my leg".

posted by Harvey at 4:42:34 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Liberals used to have a place in this country's political debate, but lately, in their quest to knee-jerkingly oppose anything that Bush says or does, they've wound up defending perpetrators of the most grotesque atrocties imaginable in Afghanistan and Iraq. Or at the very least, not opposing them as they would if those atrocities took place in America, especially considering how vocal they are on the few lesser versions that can occasionally be found. I've heard this point brought up on occasion, in one form or another, but I really like the way Lynn of Reflections in d minor phrases it as a pair of "no honest answer available" rhetorical questions:

Where are all the Liberals who believed in secularism and women's rights? Where are all the Liberals who cared about the poor and oppressed? They have abandoned the real oppressed and choose instead to pretend that they are the oppressed ones just because they live in a society where people are free to disagree with them

I swear, I'd just like to sit at her feet and have her read to me for hours. She gives me goosebumps.

posted by Harvey at 4:32:58 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


I love the Carnival of the Vanities. Trouble is, I don't always get a chance to read it as soon as I'd like. I finally made my way through #65 at Drumwaster's. There I found one of the gemmiest gems I've gotten from a Carnival in a long time. Lee of See the Donkey took the story of the Three Wise Men and gave it a Suessian poetical twist including lots of illustrations. The overall effect is quite delightful, and no more blasphemous than the way the Revised Standard Version of the Bible knocks all the beauty and poetry out of the KJV for the sake of clarity.

I also like the fact that he gives a summary of the Three Wise Men story for the benefit of the biblically challenged.

posted by Harvey at 4:21:39 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


I have no idea how it happened, but Internet Explorer took a crap on me today.

Recently, some assmaggot website hijacked itself into being my new homepage. I could re-assign a new one, but the pirate page would come back upon restart. Deleting my cookies did no good, and my limited geek skills gave me no other clues.

Well, this morning, I started tweaking my security settings and my firewall to try to block this stinking browserjacker, but all I managed to do was make IE inoperable. The shortcuts still exist, but the program simply will not fire up.

I did manage to snag a copy of Mozilla prior to compete software implosion, though, and that's working ok. Good enough, in fact, that I'd be willing to give up on IE altogether, if I could figure out how. I tried Googling for "remove internet explorer" and the top page I found sounded panicky and mentioned the importance of making back-ups of this, that, and the other before even allowing yourself to speak the words aloud. Apparently, uninstalling IE is an agonizingly delicate and complicated process akin to removing a spinal tumor. Not something I want to try when there's blogging to be done, and my geek of choice (Blogless Brother Tom) is not available to supervise.

Meanwhile, Mozilla is servicable, even if a little more creepily Netscapish than I'd like. And I hooked a copy of Opera... just in case.

posted by Harvey at 4:03:54 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Religiously, I'm "none of the above", but Beloved Wife is "one of the above" (or "three of the above", I'm kinda fuzzy on that part), so I've been dragged to church on occasion, kicking and screaming (at least on the inside). Once those big wooden doors shut, I resign myself to my fate and try to make the best of things.

One way I do that is to try figure out just what exactly the folks who attend voluntarily are getting out of this exercise. Usually it's pretty simple with the sermon. The preacher picks a bible passage (more or less at random, as far as I can tell), connects it to a current news topic, whether local or national, and then comes to a conclusion about how to apply the particular bible verse to your life to make yourself happier.

Then come the hymns. And these I just don't get. Look, I realize they were mostly written a couple hundred years ago, but they're still just horrible. They keep calling Jesus "king" and "lord" and "sovereign" and "master". I think the original intent was to make the singer feel some sort of subserviant reverance toward a higher power.

But I'm an American. My forefathers fought battles to topple kings & lords. A sovereign in my country is answerable to his people. He is not necessarily better or smarter than I am, he's just a guy doing a job. When I hear the word "king", I want to smash his crown, not fall to my knees. It makes me rebellious rather than reverant.

Which leads me to ponder, what would be a more appropriate, modern, American analogy? President? Congressman? CEO? Quarterback? When it comes to wielding absolute power, do we trust anyone who holds it? Do we respect and admire anyone who attempts to acquire it?

Nothing comes to mind. Every position of authority in America is ultimately answerable to some person or group of people. Checks and balances aren't found only in the 3 branches of  Federal Government, they have applications in all walks of life. Vote the President out of office, impeach a Supreme Court Justice, fire a CEO, bench the quarterback - there are no kings in America.

So, what term of reverance would fit Christ in modern America?

I really don't know. I think Vince Lombardi did a pretty good job as a benevolent dictator, but somehow "Hark the herald angels sing, glory to the newborn Vince" just lacks singability. I guess I'll just have to ponder on this some more.

posted by Harvey at 3:49:01 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Friday, December 26, 2003





I long to touch your soul,

To taste the sacredness of you,

A love so pure, sublime, serene…

A dream contemptuous of time.

Come to me, Love, and wrap me up

In endless dreams, caresses sweet

With gentleness and joy

My aching heart, filled with desire,

Would gladly soar through time and space

Just to dissolve in your embrace once more…

And melt into your soul’s sweet fire.


posted by Harvey at 11:01:45 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Contrary to the popular legend, Lincoln did NOT actually say this after coming off a three-day bender.


posted by Harvey at 10:58:42 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Pragmatic Conservatism by Dan K. O'Leary: Bush, Saddam, and Howard Dean

Honestly, not so much for the entry (which, although well-enough supported by the facts, still boils down to "Bush rules, Dean drools") as for a) the blogger, Dan, who is an active Alliance member and a pretty cool guy and b) because Liberal goof-balls come trolling along in the comments making off-topic remarks & personal attacks instead of addressing the point of the post.

Belief Seeking Understanding: Monday, November 10, 2003

This post makes a good point, which I hadn't thought of before:

"the moral of the story is "It costs money to not pay attention, because if you go to college, and you go to a college that isn't coveting and actively recruiting people like you, you end up underwriting the education of the students the college is coveting and actively recruiting."

However, I think it would've been better if the author had finished with some suggested action, like "so don't go to a college unless they seek you out." or something. The post just feels a little... unfinished. Howard Dean's "Point"

No matter how hard I try, I just CAN'T take Howard Dean seriously enough to discuss him like he's intelligent human being. All he deserves is cruel mockery. Of which Patrick dishes up a big, steaming plateful. Mheh.


posted by Harvey at 9:27:49 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


The Bear's going to combine last week's showcase with this week's showcase. Re-post your votes so they don't scroll off your front page. Tell your blog-buddies, too.

Filthy Lie Round-up: Evil Glenn's Christmas. My pick of the litter would be BigStick.US, here's a sample, but I'm leaving the best lines for you to find by yourself:


"Yes, that's true," Glenn said, "but I needed to make toys of Chairman Mao simply for the name. Think about it. Think about the name. The spelling."

My mind still clouded by the Pure Commie Evil, I tried to figure out what Glenn meant. Finally, it hit me.

The iMao. I... M... A.......

"O... My... God..." Suddenly, I realized exactly what it was that Glenn was up to. "You designed this toy for the sole purpose of perverting the name of Frank J's website, didn't you, you sick bastard?"

"Indeed," Glenn replied. "That's not all I'm going to do to that little son of a bitch, though. I designed the iMaos to radiate Pure Commie Evil to brainwash shoppers into buying them. Soon, millions of children will find an iMao sitting under the tree on Christmas morning - it'll be one of the best-selling toys ever! And with my massive sales, I'll develop enough brand recognition to go to court and take back the iMao domain name anyone who's tried to capitalize on the popularity of my toy to trick people into reading their crappy conservative humor."


And a new Filthy Lie assignment: How will Evil Glenn be ringing in the new year?

Will the New Year's Eve ball drop be onto a penguin's chin? Or will it be champagne, Guy Lombardo, and dead hobos falling from the ceiling? Tune in next Friday for the answers.


posted by Harvey at 9:23:10 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Thursday, December 25, 2003





Love is a burning desire,

That makes your heart light on fire,

Love is being with you,

Someone saying I love you, too,

Love is your tender kiss,

Something you don’t want to miss,

Love is you and me,

And that is all I see.


posted by Harvey at 11:11:23 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


[Be patient]

Don't argue with me, Susie, you picked this dollar fair & square. Now, do you want to play Doctor or not?


posted by Harvey at 11:10:44 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



As part of Alliance covert ops, I, along with many other brave and intrepid Alliance agents, was tasked with discovering what the fiendish monster would be up to during the holiday season.

Mustering all my considerable geek skills, I managed to hack into his computer. Stupid bastard has just exactly crap for a firewall, so I was into his hard drive in a wink. Soon enough, I found a folder marked "Christmas" and popped it open. Looks like our boy has been re-writing a few Christmas tunes. I'm not positive, but I suspect that this may have something to do with that day care operation of his - Happy Smiling Glenn's Super Duper Extra Fun Story Time & Sing Along Playground of Niceness. I’m guessing he’s putting on a Christmas pageant of some sort. But, as usual, he’s taken something beautiful & joyous and made it plain old sick & wrong.


For example, in the file named “Jingle Bells”, I found this:


Blender pup, blender pup

Spinning bloody fur

Oh what fun it is to watch

Those metal blades go "whirrrr"


Dashing through their hides

In a Waring whizzing round

Through their flesh it slides

Love that chopping sound


Grisly fuzzy goo

Liquefies just right

What fun it is to slurp and sing

A slaying song tonight!


“Oh Little Town of Bethlehem” was in there, too:


Oh little hobo I just killed

How still I see thee lie.

Above thy dead and dreamless sleep

I laugh until I cry.

Yet if you start to twitch and move

I'll hack you with my knife.

I'll thrust and slice and chop and dice

To end your worthless life.


“Oh Christmas Tree”? Yeah, it’s in there:


Oh Penguin porn, oh penguin porn

How lovely are your feathers

Oh penguin porn, oh penguin porn

I love your lace and leathers

You shake your bare ass just for me

I stroke so fast you can hardly see

Oh penguin porn, oh penguin porn

Bukakke on your feathers.


But you’d think he’d have the decency to leave “Joy To The World” alone, right?




Joy to the world

I punched Frank J.

And bloodied up his nose.

I kicked him in the shins and then

I smacked him in the face again

Like a girl he just cried,

And ran away to hide

So wh-y oh why are you still on his side?


There was more, but I didn’t have the stomach for it. All I know is that Glenn’s foul undertakings have to end SOON!




posted by Harvey at 10:59:15 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


From J of Quibbles & Bits. About 3-5 minutes to read. Sweet, thoughtful, happy ending. You might want to bring a Kleenex.


posted by Harvey at 12:05:39 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


PGH round-up is up. I particularly enjoyed homicidalManiak's version of what Saddam said when he was captured. Here's a tiny snippet:


U.S. soldier #1: What? What did you find?

U.S. soldier #4: Sir, he's got naked pictures of Jacques Chirac posted all over the walls down there.

(sound of collective puking from the background)

Saddam: Lies! All lies! It was already there when I went into the hole! It's not mine! You put it down there! I kill you, you American bastard! I see what you did to O.J., I see you planted evidence.


New assignment: What should we do to Saddam to get him to tell us everything he knows?

Off the top of my head, I'm thinking small elevator, loud Christmas music (with extra banjos & bagpipes).

posted by Harvey at 11:18:44 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Wednesday, December 24, 2003


The Bear is still humping the vote-counting code, but I know that all my blog-buddies showed up this week, so I'm handing out the love:

Take a peek at Susie's cupcakes.

Matty O'Blackfive points out someone who FINALLY explains what good those terror alerts do. It's a serious post on a topic that I've heard a lot of people make fun of (bottom link).

Kevin of Eckernet comes out of retirement for Christmas break and posts something besides a Showcase vote. It's a beautiful homage to the insanely-last-minute Christmas shopper, and... Kevin! Where the hell are your permalinks? BAD BLOGGER! (Dec 21, CTRL+F "ode")

The Geekster whispers the words every man wants to hear, and tests your knowledge of Christmas trivia. Physics Geek gets extra linkage because I want to get some of that beer he's brewing.


posted by Harvey at 7:26:15 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


I thought it would be Michael Moore, but I guess I was wrong...

Who's the #1 Google hit for "lying sack of shit"?

(Hat tip to Steve of Little Tiny Lies)


posted by Harvey at 6:17:02 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


...people were asking Trey questions of a different sort, like

How did you discover that you were gay?

What does the Good Doctor think of your being a lesbian?

Why don't black and navy blue go together? And why is an exception made for blue jeans?

Children: angels on earth, or the devil in cute (if sticky) packaging?

How do you refute Zeno's paradox?

He answers them all in his interview, which is FINALLY available for viewing at Jen's place.

Find out what "my boyfriend at the time, a hand mirror and a really awkward position" is all about.


posted by Harvey at 5:59:12 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


... I mean, think of the confusion when it comes time to sort out the luggage after a trip: "I had the brown case with JF on it", "So did I", "Me too!". Yeesh! What a mess!

Did I mention that J of Quibbles & Bits has announced his impending fatherhood?

Go congratulate.

Shoo! Go away now! Click the link already!


posted by Harvey at 5:39:13 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


The Bonfire of the Vanities is collection of the worst posts in the blogosphere, but you know what's even worse than that?

Trying to come up with new flame-related metaphors every week, that's what. No wonder Kevin's getting ready to farm this baby out. Anyway there's a fine crop of crap to be seen this time, but I think CD's post should simply be deleted.


Let's see, he mentions hippy music and dentists in one post. Yeah, I know, that's not SOOOO horribly bad, but then you throw in dental instrument sound effects...



posted by Harvey at 5:23:34 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []





Life is an ocean and love is a boat

In troubled waters it keeps us afloat

When we started the voyage there was just me and you

Now gathered ‘round us we have our own crew


posted by Harvey at 12:05:53 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Tuesday, December 23, 2003


[Fuck America!]

John Kerry donated this bill to the Bush campaign as a joke.

The volunteer to whom he handed it gave it back to Mr. Kerry as a suppository.


posted by Harvey at 11:59:01 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


I was educated in a public school.

Let me re-phrase that. I was educated in spite of a public school.

I did most of my early learning courtesy of my local public library. I got my first library card when I was five, and have always gone through books the way Michael Moore goes through an all-you-can-eat buffet. On everything important, I'm essentially self-educated. All public school did was expose me briefly to various topics. Any in-depth knowledge I acquired was on my own time.

And there was one time when public school actually made me stupider. It was in one of the early grades - Second, I believe - when I was struggling to master the art of double & triple digit subtraction. The way they taught it, you started at the right side, and if you couldn't subtract the bottom number from the top, you would "borrow" 1 from the next column over. If, for example, the problem were:



you were instructed to cross out the 7, write a little 6 above it, and put a 1 by the 3 to make it 13.

Personally, I thought this was time-consuming and messy, so I just "remembered" that the 7 was now a 6 when I went to do the tens column. Much quicker.

Stupid-evil teacher caught me not writing things down, and said, "how do you know what you're subtracting in that column?"

I shrugged. "I just remember".

"Write it down" she commanded, in her best youthful-spirit-crushing tone.

So I did. And continued to do so for many years, making messes & wasting time, until I finally got out of that stupid habit sometime in adulthood.

Kudos to you, public education, for stifling innovation and creative thought, wherever it may blossom. I REALLY hope the trend in this nation of homeschooling takes off like a rocket.

Dana of Note-It Posts has similar feelings (although her distaste for the public education racket arises from other sources), and does a lovely job of addressing some common anti-homeschool arguments. This one is my personal favorite:


"A public school does help teach kids some social skills simply because there are lots of people there and you're forced to; I don't think that can be discounted."

This is the criticism of homeschooling I hear most frequently; fewer opportunities to socialize. Fortunately, this just is not the case. Homeschooled children are involved in far more "extracurricular" activities (I believe the last statistic I saw was an average of 5.2 per child) than public-schooled kids. They have the time to pursue outside interests, and the parents can incorporate those activities into the overall curriculum. Lots of homeschooled kids participate in some school activities - notably sports and band - and may even take some of their classes at the school, if the parents are unable to provide adequate instruction or equipment (think "science labs"). Then there are homeschooling co-ops, where parents work together to teach each others' children subjects they're particularly strong in. Parks and Recreaction departments offer all kinds of supplemental sports and educational opportunities, as well as artistic and cultural pursuits. I think too many people have this notion of homeschooling as Johnny and Johnny's mom, sitting in their basement, reading books together and never going out, except to shop, when Mom teaches Johnny how to count change. That just isn't how it works in the real world, for the really dedicated homeschoolers.


There's also a follow-up post of sorts - a letter from someone who someone who was homeschooled herself, and whose life greatly benefitted from the process.

The week before I graduated highschool (which by the way I gave the commencement speech and there 80 graduating homeschoolers in my class of 97) we made a trip down to Arkansas to see family. While I was there, I made it a point to go back and visit the teachers at the elementary school as well as the people who told me it would never be possible for me to make it past 8th grade homeshooled..and personally hand delivered graduation invitations to them and proudly told them of the scholarship I'd recieved to a 4 year university. The looks on their faces...priceless.


Mheh. Priceless.


posted by Harvey at 7:50:54 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Heather of Angelweave is concerned... no, make that annoyed... by the recent rash of state laws aimed at fighting obesity. She rightly observes that it's none of the government's freakin' business what you eat, and speculates a bit on what the mudpit at the bottom of this slippery slope might look like:


If people want to be fat, let them be fat. The only thing I've advocated so far is more detailed labelling. I'd be pretty obnoxiously vocal if somehow my favorite junk food were no longer available at my local grocery store, and that's where this may head someday if it goes out of control.

And can't you see it? A butter ration. "Mrs. Noggle, I'm sorry. You've purchased five tubs of butter in this last week. You can't have any more."


Which brought to mind a short story I'd read a couple years back that takes this scenario to its ultimate ad absurdum.


Most good citizen-type Americans hunkered down and learned to live with the Lipid Laws, as they came to be known. Why, I bet there's scads of fifteen-year-olds about who've never tasted real butter or a true, cholesterol-packed egg yolk. But we're not all good citizens. Especially me. Far as I'm concerned, there's nothing like two fried eggs--fried in butter--over easy, with bacon on the side, to start the day off. Every day. And I wasn't about to give that up.

I was strictly in the antiques trade then, and I knew just about every farmer in Jersey and Eastern Pennsylvania. So I found one who was making butter for himself and had him make a little extra for me. Then I found another who was keeping some hens aside and not giving them any of the special feed and had him hold a few eggs out for me.

One day I had a couple of friends over for breakfast and served them real eggs and toast with real butter. They almost strangled me trying to find out where I got the stuff. That's when I decided to add a sideline to my antique business.


Take about 10 minutes & read the whole thing. It was originally published in 1978, and it's frightening how nearly-believable it is in the present day.


posted by Harvey at 7:22:13 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Dr. Trey has another installment of his helpful advice column:


Help me, Dr. T. Givens!!!! There is too much workplace drama at my place of employment!

Allow me to expound...

Employee A (Boy) is best friends with Employee B (Boy) and dating Employee C (Girl). B is jealous of C, and they bicker constantly. Meanwhile, Employee D (Girl), who is best friends with Employee E (Girl), is dating former Employee F (Boy). E is jealous of F, and does every backstabbing, catty thing possible to make D break up with F. B and E hate each other, and fight most of the time. If I fire the troublemakers, B and E, the others might quit. Help!!! What do I do?

Anxious in the Technology-Free Zone

Dear ATFZ:

These sorts of things are none of my business and I suspect that since you're a nice young lady, they're none of yours either. But does B like-like A or something? Isn't that gay? And the same for E of D. Porn? I may be confused but perhaps you could pitch a plan to Cinemax and land a lucrative, late-night movie deal and be rid of this place altogether.


Heh. Eye drops...

posted by Harvey at 7:10:34 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Susie was involved in a tragic coconut accident and, with a little help from J of Quibbles & Bits, has arrived in her very own personal version of hell:


"Oh crap! A theater!" she cried. Satan laughed.

"And here to manage, may I present... your Assistant Manager!" Satan's gleeful shriek echoed from the walls.

"Hi Susie," the Assistant Manager began, "We've got a hundred shows today, and six theaters. There are disgruntled customers who have already bought their tickets seated right now, and a line around the block for the next shows."

He hefted a sledge hammer. "You deal with the customers, I'm going to go fix all the projectors!" He turned and walked off, whistling a happy tune.


Poor Susie. Maybe she'll get time off for good behavior.


posted by Harvey at 7:07:49 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


The Bartender has stumbled upon the official doggie ettiquette book. It certainly explains a lot of what's been going on at my house, lately:


If you have to go to the bathroom while playing in the front yard, always use the newspaper that's placed in the driveway every morning for that purpose.
[or go poop in Harvey's yard... that would be the best thing to do]

Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your concern.
[if Harvey comes over, you can lick your balls first]

Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark--- a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing your protective bark, bark, bark ...
[it's OK to wake Harvey up every night after pooping in his front yard]


Ya suppose the Bartender is still a little bent out of shape about that party I threw in his comments while he was gone?

Meanwhile, I'm gonna let my horse-dog Jake do a little, uh, "ettiquette" on the Bartender's front porch. Watch your step when entering the bar.


posted by Harvey at 6:00:54 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Monday, December 22, 2003





[NOTE: Unlike most of the Love Notes presented here, this one was something I wrote myself, and not just something I pulled off the internet]


I noticed how hard you worked cleaning last weekend. I’m sorry I forgot to say anything. Thank you for your effort and your love.


I love you,



posted by Harvey at 10:09:03 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


"Excusez-moi, Mademoiselle, would you like to see Willy Wonder Wash's 'Wonder Willy'?"


posted by Harvey at 9:54:28 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


J of Quibbles & Bits, the man who ate Stephen King's brain (or at least his tongue), has posted yet another teasy intro to probably the best story I've ever not paid money to read. I think the first three paragraphs should peak your interest:


The Last Flight of Time

Gerard looked at the knife in his hand. Blood dripped from the blade, fresh, warm blood. Some of the blood had left red spatters on his white shirt and silk tie as well. Gerard gaped at Walter Jacobs, the patriarch of the Jacobs Enterprise family and father to Emily Jacobs, Gerard’s fiancé. The knife wound in Walter Jacobs’ chest bled with astounding vigor. Had he not been wearing a vest, the blood might have spewed across the conference room. Walter looked at Gerard, surprise and confusion welling behind tears of pain.

“What?” was all Walter had time to ask before he collapsed. Gerard dropped the knife. It bounced and clattered against the leg of the conference table. Gerard’s eyes shifted back and forth, from the knife to the body and back to the knife. It was a big knife, the silvery blade at least a foot long and three inches wide at the widest point, a triangle of death dealing steel.

“Are you two done yet?” The door to the conference swung open and Emily stepped in. Stunning, beautiful Emily, dressed for the Christmas party. How could he explain this to her when he didn’t even know what happened? She stopped, her hand migrating to cover her mouth as she gasped. Her color vanished and she looked at her fathers crumpled body in the spreading scarlet puddle.


It gets better... and then it stops, leaving the reader thrilled, yet unsatisfied.

Since an unsatisfied Harv is a grumpy Harv, I must vent.

Allow me to direct your attention over here. This is a standard public school green slate chalkboard.

Over here, we have my fingernails, which, sadly have not been clipped recently. *sigh* I SO need a manicure. Oh well...


Just warming up, J. Fingernails on a chalkboard never bothered me, personally, but I understand some people find it quite annoying.


I can keep this up ALL day...


Got that story finished yet?


That's ok, take your time. Mheh.



posted by Harvey at 8:06:32 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


After entering something like 257 competitions of various sorts, I FINALLY won something. In this case, it was Wizbang's weekly caption contest.

Here's the picture.

Here's my incredibly brilliant caption... and some other stuff written by lesser beings.


posted by Harvey at 7:49:38 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


It made headlines the world over when that sewer rat was finally captured. Most of the stories also included a report of the conversation between Saddam and the soldiers:

"He said: 'I'm Saddam Hussein, I'm the president of Iraq and I'm willing to negotiate'," Major Brian Reed, operations officer for the first brigade of the Fourth Infantry Division, told reporters at the site where Saddam was found on Saturday hiding in a hole at a hut. "The response from soldiers was: 'President Bush sends his regards'."

Although the report was essentially accurate, it didn't cover the WHOLE story. Per this week's Alliance assignment, here's the full transcript:

Soldier: All right, Hussein, you can come out now.

Saddam [crawling out of septic tank] About time you guys got here! This place smells like a French whorehouse! Maybe YOU guys are used to that kind of... uh... wait, you're not the French, are you?

Soldier: Nope. Nothing but baseball, hot dogs, apple pie & Chevrolet in this group.

Saddam: Crap! I mean... uh... Thank Allah you've arrived! Saddam Hussein has been holding me hostage here for days. He just left a few minutes ago. If you hurry, you can still catch him!

Soldier: Um, Mr. Hussein... [pointing to American flag shoulder patch] NOT stupid?

Saddam: Crap. Look here, Yankee, I'm still President of Iraq. I have great wealth and power. How's about you just kinda look the other way for a couple minutes while I make a run for it? Just give me your name & address - I'll send you a little something next time I see a post office.

Soldier: Saddam, ol' buddy, don't bullshit a bullshitter. You've got NOTHING. Last week I was taking a dump on the floor of one of your palaces. You're just another lice-infested homeless guy right now. You've got about as much going for you as that bum in L.A. who tried washing my windshield for a quarter.

Saddam: Not true! Not true! See? $750,000 in cash! It's all yours. Just let me go.

Soldier: Not much, considering I'd have to split it 600 ways.

Saddam: You're not alone? Aw, CRAP!

Soldier: Game over, feces face. Let's go.

Saddam: But I'm Saddam Hussein! I'm President of Iraq! I'm willing to negotiate!

Soldier: Ok, fine. Let's negotiate. Here's my offer [cracking Saddam in the head with his rifle butt]. If you want, I can double it....

Saddam [clutching his bleeding scalp]: No, no, that's fine. I'll come quietly.

Soldier: That's better. Well, now that you've surrendered, you'll find that Americans treat their prisoners with dignity and respect. Anything I can get for you?

Saddam: Maybe some coffee?

Soldier: Done. HEY TED! Get me a cuppa joe for the schmo!... Anything else?

Saddam: No, I'm good. Thanks.

Soldier: My pleasure.... Now there's just one more little thing you can do for us...

Saddam: Whatever you want. Here's my notes with the names of the resistance leaders. I'll also be more than happy to personally escort you to all the WMD sites.

Soldier: Well, thanks, Mr. H., that's right neighborly of you... But that's not what I was getting at.

Saddam: Oh?...

Soldier: Yeah, well, ya see, Christmas is coming up fast, and, what with the boys being so far away from home and all, I was thinking you could help bring a little holiday cheer to the 4th ID Christmas party.

Saddam: And how would I do that?

Soldier: Simple, really. All you have to do is... [explains the plan]

Saddam: WHAT? Never! I have rights! I have my dignity! I...

Soldier [raising rifle butt]: Did you want to negotiate some more?

Saddam: All right! All right! I'll do it! Just don't hit me again.

Soldier: Better.

So, during the Special Forces Christmas party, a good time was had by all, thanks to the presence of a very special guest.



posted by Harvey at 7:42:57 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


...Tuning Spork of Blather Review, who managed to bribe four of the judges and make the other two disappear under mysterious circumstances.

Stay tuned for Spork's acceptance speech and Dethroned Blog Monarch eTalkinghead's admission of utter incompetency.

Meanwhile, go check out the reviews. Or at least mine, because I'm delightfully amusing, as always. Everyone else is such a drudge.

Except Susie, who made fun of my lame-ass Judge's Challenge question.

posted by Harvey at 7:22:16 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Sunday, December 21, 2003


So after peeling himself up off the sticky floor of that Tijuana whorehouse, the Bartender FINALLY got around to posting the Champagne Room round-up. Lots of sick twisted goodies to be had.

Now this one's a bit of hopscotch, but from the Champagne Room, we hop over to Primal Purge who pimps one of her comment... whatever the opposite of troll is...'s blog, mostly because this guy desperately wants some girl-fist-lovin' from Meredith Baxter-Birney (Dec 12 CTRL+F "Meredith). Ok, that's fine, but he also says that he wants Michael Gross to be watching from the closet while it happens.

Since I bear a strong resemblance to the aforementioned unemployable washed-up actor, AND I could really use another lava lamp, I'm thinking there's a deal to be struck, here.


posted by Harvey at 10:58:10 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []





A Beautiful Marriage Vow


“As I stand here today with the world as my witness,

I pledge to you my undying and everlasting love.

I will stand beside you as your partner,

I will stand before you as your protector,

And I will stand behind you as your solace.

Please spend and end your life with me.”


posted by Harvey at 7:25:14 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Translation of Arabic at left: Please enter this bill at

(thanks to hM of homicidalManiak for the pic)


posted by Harvey at 7:16:53 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Naturally, every man would prefer a pair of these, but if those are unavailable (say, because of a lack of an exciter lamp), most men would be perfectly happy with something from this list at Sanity's Edge (via Matty O'Blackfive). And I can't stress enough the rightness of this observation:


Men like toys. Electronic toys are best. Plasma TVs and Home Theater Systems are the best choices.


But even Electronic Football will keep the XY in your life thrilled for hours.


posted by Harvey at 6:59:02 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []




Via Boots & Sabers, I found this company that makes action figures.


No, sorry, they don't have these kind.


But they do have a cute little outfit for Saddam.


You can even have a doll customized to have your face, if you want. Be sure to scroll down to look at some of the models they already have. Some of those pics are priceless. I especially like W & the Iraqi Information Minister.


posted by Harvey at 6:36:11 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Via the Bonfire, I found a post at Snooze Button Dreams which did NOT suck (hey Jim, can I borrow your calculator for a minute?).

Requires Flash. The picture is relatively work safe, but don't push any buttons if there are prudes in the room.

Oh, and don't push the 0 if you're insecure about your manhood.


posted by Harvey at 6:25:08 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


...because Frizzen Sparks is introducing the best line-up of TV shows I've never seen:


6:00- "Laura the Crackwhora", Dora the Explorer has a cousin in Mexico City, Laura. Laura has to navigate her way through the badlands with her companions, Heels the transvestite monkey, Stashbag, and Tubey the crackpipe. But look out for Striper the pimp. Whenever you hear Striper coming (with the sound: "Bitch better have my money!") Yell "Striper NO STRIPING!" before he stripes Laura's ass with a broken car antenna.

6:30 AM- "International Sesame Street", The new HIV positive muppets get thinner and lose fur.

7:00 AM- "Special news report: Contributions of Islam to modern society."

7:00:05 AM- "Peer into the past: History revealed." This weeks episode, the history of England: The complete bastard era (400 AD- 1937 AD)


And that's just the morning line-up. Click through to see what's on afternoon, evening, and late night. Talk about Must-See TV!

mmmm... Evil Psychotic Vampire Willow lesbian threesome...


posted by Harvey at 6:16:39 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Trey shows how to do a whole-blog review by giving a little man-on-man linky-love to Single White Male. First, list the good points:


He's pretty funny in that dorky way that I like sometimes.


Then offer some helpful criticism:


PARAGRAPH BREAKS, MAN! Perhaps I'm a bit liberal with my use of paragraph breaks, but reading on the internet is hard. Long paragraphs make readers go cross-eyed.

Freakin' HUGE pictures. I'm on dial-up. I know that's kind of my own personal problem, but I don't like big pictures on web pages even when I'm at work on the T1.


Hmmm... a little heavy on the criticism. Apparently Trey missed the freakin' HUGE picture of Joey pointing a shotgun (9/22 CTRL+F "two hands").

Remember folks, if you're goin' to a gunfight, bring a Mossberg instead of CAPITAL LETTERS!


posted by Harvey at 6:09:08 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Owen of Boots & Sabers posted one of those "forwarded a million times" e-mails. This one is a lovely poem that supports our troops. Here's a sample:


I can carry the weight of killing another
or lay down my life with my sisters and brothers

who stand at the front against any and all,
to ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."

"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."

"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
"Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?

It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget


Even a grumbly old curmudgeon like me got teary-eyed. Kleenex Alert.


posted by Harvey at 5:59:11 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



Trey Givens, budding advice columnist, got his first dilemma:



I have a dilemma at work and I need your advice.

There's this one customer who comes to the bank, and he wears a winter cap with a hammer & sickle emblem on the front. As far as I can tell, it's an official Russian Commie hat.

The problem is that I find that hammer & sickle symbol more offensive than a swastika. I've studied enough history to know that Communism has killed more people than Nazism. Also, I served in the Navy during the
Cold War, so I was personally involved in America's war against Communism.

I can't stand to look at this POS customer, much less have to wait on him. Should I ignore it, say something to him about it, or just give him a Commie Hat enema?

Ready To Snap In Wisconsin



His answer was by turns practical and amusing. Personally, I'm still leaning toward Commie Hat enema, but sound advice, nevertheless. Here's the first part:



First, I must say that I always finding highly amusing when communists are customers. They certainly don't HAVE to be customers, but due to the complete lack of integrity, honesty, and intelligence required to be a communist, they do sometimes turn up in the consumer sector.

Second, I am curious about communists being in Wisconsin. I thought they all lived in California. The only reason I can think that yours is where you are is because he has mistaken the clime of sunny Wisconsin for that of Siberia. Again, note the lack of intelligence in your commie customer.

Once in a rather "liberal" part of Atlanta I was confronted by some card-carrying communist hippie-types. They tried to give me a copy of their newsletter. I took a look and laughed. "Ha. Ha! That's pretty funny," I said, "Look what I just bought." And held up a copy of The Fountainhead that I had just purchased. They acted like vampires confronted with the holy crucifix.

More to the point of your question; the simple fact is that we've already won. Not only has the iron curtain been shredded with alacrity, this commie is playing by capitalist rules.



So if you've got a problem, or you just want to make commies & hippies cry, send your quandry to: advice AT treygivens DOT com.


posted by Harvey at 5:36:40 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


The judge's challenge in this week's King of the Blogs tournament was:

Your significant female other asks you, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

How do you respond? Details a Must.

All the answers were excellent, and the results of the tournament should be posted shortly.

Meanwhile, my blogless Beloved Wife answered the question in my comments, and I think it deserves more exposure:

Of course not, but you look much better without the dress on at all

Which is my standard response ;-)

posted by Harvey at 5:30:29 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


That's the mystery that's haunted the blogosphere for the last week. Sure, the Bartender offers some pathetic excuse about "being out of town", but I suspect that may be a euphemism for "got my pants stolen while I was passed out in a Tijuana whorehouse". I think his post title tends to support that theory.

However, Darren of Colorado Conservative has another theory. It not only makes sense, given the good Bartender's drinking habits, it also explains that little Latvian mystery I had a while back.


posted by Harvey at 5:26:08 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



Owen of Boots & Sabers talks about whether it'd be worth it to take the death penalty off the table for Saddam in exchange for the locations of the WMD.


I'm conflicted on this. I understand how helpful it would be to get the WMD under the control of the Coalition forces. There's a big safety concern.


However, I think I have to come down slightly in favor of the need for Saddam to die. Photodude does an excellent job of reviewing what Saddam did during his tenure as dictator and some Iraqi reactions to his capture, and Saddam's continued wasting of oxygen is a very sore spot with them. Our larger goal in Iraq is to build an island of democratic freedom in the Middle East, and Saddam's death would provide a level of closure for the Iraqis that would greatly assist them in moving on. Saddam in prison would leave a nagging loose end.


Having said that, I'll also say that the safety issue is HUGE, so I wouldn't be particularly upset if Saddam got his plea bargain. And it's not like like the Democrats won't find a negative spin no matter which way the decision goes. Ideally, we'll torture the WMD's out of him and THEN kill him.


posted by Harvey at 5:19:17 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



Either the Puppy Blender wants to re-live the challenge of clawing his way up the Ecosystem again, or there's a new blog in town. Dana of Note-It Posts points to a newbie with an interesting take on the War On Terrorism.



You've heard of the "third rail of American politics," which is widely considered to be Social Security. Straightening that out will require a President, perhaps second term with less to lose, and some legislators with previously unexercised courageous profiles. Otherwise there will be a serious crash or generational clash after a while. This post is not about the third rail that will electrocute your political career if touched, keeping it insular from action. This post posits the war on terrorists as the "toe pick of American politics."



Ok, part of the reason that I like this is that "The Cutting Edge" is one of my favorite movies, and the "toe pick" scene inevitably makes me giggle.


Anyway, Heh is off to a good start. All it needs now is to add an "about me" post and to enable comments. I recommend Haloscan.


posted by Harvey at 5:10:51 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



Dan of Dan K. O'Leary's blog entered the New Blog Showcase with his entry that takes a well-deserved swipe at Howard Dean. Now that the trolls have gathered in the comments to drip slime everywhere, he's posted a follow-up which is even better. More passion, more fire, and more quotable.



You know what else I love, you look back in history for justification in condemning the current president and his policies. In all my studies, I have never seen a clearer case of ethnocentrism. Comparing our COLD WAR support of " friendly dictators" and the WW2 era policies of private enterprises is like comparing apples to rancid feces. We are in a new world of political interaction and world warfare. Noam Chomsky didn't really plan on having airliners slam into our skyscrapers now did he? Where was your savior, the United Nations then? Where were our " allies" when we needed them? We have paid the price of sheepish inaction for long enough.



Definitely worth a read.


posted by Harvey at 5:01:53 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



Dennis Kucinich isn't a crap weasel.


He's actually Gollum with a bad toupee.

(Drink Alert in effect)


posted by Harvey at 4:57:43 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


I'm a little disappointed. I tried voting in the showcase Friday, figuring it would allow me to relax a little for the weekend.

No dice.

I tried using the Bear's patented cut & paste voting code, but for some reason my vote didn't get picked up. So I'll try doing it the old fashioned way:

This one, this one, and this one.

See this post for why I picked 'em. I REALLY hope this works.


posted by Harvey at 4:28:05 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



Kevin of Wizbang, minguided minion of the Puppy Blender, host of the Bonfire of the Vanities, and all around great guy, has announced that after 2 more episodes at his place, the Bonfire will be hosted on a rotating basis. If you've got some time and a thirst for attention, stop by and drop your name in the hat to host the now-travelling freak show.

Fame, fortune, averted gazes, and social pariah status can be yours for the asking.


posted by Harvey at 4:19:43 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Saturday, December 20, 2003


Don of Anger Management desperately needs a girlfriend, but until then he may have found a way around the prostitution laws, which works out about the same for him:


Here’s what needs to be done. We pick three books of varying prices – say, ten, fifteen, and twenty dollars. I suggest they be economics texts, or maybe something to do with superstring theory. In any case, guys would buy one of the books, and then find a whore. He’d get his ten, fifteen, or twenty-dollar blowjob, and then hand the whore the book along with the receipt. At the end of the day, the whore could return her books for cash.


Books for Blowjobs... Hmmm... Catchy name.

Which got me thinking about the, shall we say, "reading list" that would work appropriately for the program. Now, I'm not really into "literature" - "Captain Horatio Hornblower" was all I could think of. Musically, I also thought of Pink Floyd's "Ummagumma" because it sounds like a chick talking with her mouth full.

Thank God for Amazon's Advanced Search feature:

She’s Gonna Blow!: Real Help for Moms Dealing With Anger

Hear the Wind Blow

The Platonic Blow and My Epitaph

Please Blow Me North

Blow the Silver Trumpets

Thar She Blows: Whaling in the 1860’s

Blow in My Spirit

It Blows You Hollow (The New Issues Press Poetry Series)

How to Completely Blow Your Competition Away at Any Audition

Blow Me Down

Suck, Don’t Blow

Suck Up the Purple Buttermilk

Paradise Sucks

What Animals Eat

Power Eating: How to Play Hard and Eat Smart for the Time of Your Life

Eat This...It'll Make You Feel Better!

Gobble, Growl, Grunt

Gobble, Gobble, Munch

Gobble and Gulp

Lightening the Load

Come Morning

My Friends, the Swallows

Swallow the Hook

Stretch, Swallow, & Stare

Earth Swallows Man

Pathology of the Oral Cavity


Customer Service Excellence

Golden Inches: The China Memoir of Grace Service


Service Success! Lessons From a Leader on How to Turn Around a Service Business


A Big Splash in a Small Pond: Finding a Great Job in a Small Company

Clifford Gets a Job

Mouth Organ for Angels

A Miracle in Your Mouth


So... who can tell me how to set up an Amazon Wish List on my sidebar?


posted by Harvey at 3:10:14 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Friday, December 19, 2003





Love is…

Running into her arms,

Colliding with her heart,

And exploding into her soul.


posted by Harvey at 11:19:39 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



"Charlene season!"

"Wabbit season!"

"Charlene season!"

"Wabbit season!"


posted by Harvey at 11:16:52 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Be careful clicking the links in this week's Filthy Lie round-up, you're likely to flash-fry your retinas

New assignment: Evil Glenn's Christmas (Deck the halls with parts of puppies, Fa-la-la-la-la...)

A triple-shot of late entries for Democratic campaign slogans

Charming Hostess asks: how should we welcome/initiate/torture new Alliance members?



posted by Harvey at 11:06:56 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Great news! Heather of Angelweave is making a run to Dunkin' Donuts! Stop by her comments & let her know what to get for you.


posted by Harvey at 10:39:13 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Pragmatic Conservatism by Dan K. O'Leary: Bush, Saddam, and Howard Dean

Honestly, not so much for the entry (which, although well-enough supported by the facts, still boils down to "Bush rules, Dean drools") as for a) the blogger, Dan, who is an active Alliance member and a pretty cool guy and b) because Liberal goof-balls come trolling along in the comments making off-topic remarks & personal attacks instead of addressing the point of the post.

Belief Seeking Understanding: Monday, November 10, 2003

This post makes a good point, which I hadn't thought of before:

"the moral of the story is "It costs money to not pay attention, because if you go to college, and you go to a college that isn't coveting and actively recruiting people like you, you end up underwriting the education of the students the college is coveting and actively recruiting."

However, I think it would've been better if the author had finished with some suggested action, like "so don't go to a college unless they seek you out." or something. The post just feels a little... unfinished. Howard Dean's "Point"

No matter how hard I try, I just CAN'T take Howard Dean seriously enough to discuss him like he's intelligent human being. All he deserves is cruel mockery. Of which Patrick dishes up a big, steaming plateful. Mheh.


posted by Harvey at 9:29:55 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Thursday, December 18, 2003




I looked at the intelligence reports again. The Alliance was doomed. There could be no doubt about it. Evil Glenn's secret project would eventually destroy all of humanity, the Alliance included.


I'm not a violent man, but half-measures would be of no use in this battle. I armed myself and headed for Tennessee...


2am - Glenn Reynold's house -


The basement lights were on, alternately brightening and dimming in time to the waxing and waning of a loud electric hum.


"Maybe," I thought to myself "I could just cut the power lines. It would buy us enough time to..."


"IT WORKS! IT WORKS!" I heard Evil Glenn shouting maniacally from inside the house.


Crap. Out of time. I had to finish this. Had to get inside the house NOW!


[rattle rattle]


Crap! Door's locked!


"No problem," I muttered, as I drew my Elmer Fudd Memorial Double-Barrel Breech Loading Pump Action Shotgun from under my black leather trenchcoat. "I've got a key"




Doorknob parts and wooden shards sprayed in all directions from the double-blast. I kicked the remains of the door in and charged into the basement, where I shoved the still-smoking barrels pointedly into the small of Glenn's back.


Harv: I've got you now.


Evil Glenn: Ehhhhhh, (munch, munch) What's up, doc?




[click click]


Evil Glenn: Problems?


Harv: Heh. Forgot to re-load... uh,... so... how's everything with you?


Evil Glenn: Pretty good. Carrot?


Harv: No thanks. That's not food, that's what food eats.


Evil Glenn: Suit yourself [tossing carrot stump over his shoulder]. I've been working on this secret project for months, and it's finally finished. You're just in time for the unveiling. Your sorry little Alliance is finished, and I will soon conquer the entire world. MUAHAHAHAHA!


Harv: I already know all about your evil creation. Alliance spies have been watching your house day and night. Our best minds are already preparing counter-measures. Your army of giant robot blenders will never succeed in frappéing America's puppies and hobos!


Evil Glenn: Giant... robot... what the hell are you talking about?


Harv: Don't play dumb with me! Even the New York Times knows about your foul scheme. Here... read this headline.


Evil Glenn: "Robo-Blenders - Key To A Better, Puppyless, Hoboless American Future?"


Harv: See?


Evil Glenn: Dumbass. Read the byline.


Harv: "by Jayson Blair"... aw CRAP!


Evil Glenn: Eh. Don't worry about it. Anyway, like I was saying, I've got this cool secret project, and...


Harv: You mean you're not going to destroy America with advanced blending technology?


Evil Glenn: Nope.


Harv: But you said that the Alliance was finished.


Evil Glenn: Nah. That was just a little diabolical evil genius bluster to get your goat. I'm actually working on more of a... personal project...


Harv: Show me.


Evil Glenn: Well, you know about my little... preference... for females of the avian persuasion, right?


Harv: ...yyyyeahhh....


Evil Glenn: And you know how much I hate Hillary Clinton and would give anything to see her humiliated and degraded, right?


Harv: ...uh huh...


Evil Glenn: And you know how I can't get laid, right?


Harv: yeahhhh... wait. I thought I got you hooked up with Fatty Sue?


Evil Glenn: We broke up. I couldn't afford the cheeseburger bill.


Harv: Ok, fine. So where are you going with this?


Evil Glenn: I've finally solved all three of my problems. Behold! Evil Glenn's Super Dreamy Electric Love Doll!


Harv: oh.... dear... GOD! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


Evil Glenn: Wanna take her for a spin? Let me clean her out & lube her up for you...


Harv: AAAAAHHHHH!!!! [fleeing up the stairs in horror] Stay away from me you sick, twisted, degenerate bastard! AAAAHHHHH!!!


Evil Glenn [yelling after my retreating form] Lawyer!.... Ah well. To each his own. Now... where were we, my sweet Hillurkey?... Oh, baaaaaby!




Ok, so Alliance Intel was slightly misinformed about the nature of Glenn's sinister project. But the revolting terror of that sight will nevertheless haunt me forever. Evil Glenn must be stopped!




(apologies and/or hat tip to Little Tiny Lies for the original pic)

posted by Harvey at 6:57:03 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []





I could do without many things with no hardship.

You are not one of them!


posted by Harvey at 6:23:47 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



[Beer can toss  Andy lost  6/20/02]

Matty O'Blackfive's greatest accomplishment since leaving the Army? Winning Timmy O'Toole's Annual Beer Can Toss contest, in which only himself and Andy were participants.

...Oh yes, and his 6 month Blogiversary.


posted by Harvey at 6:23:07 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


No updates at Madfish Willie's since Sunday, and I haven't had that little... whatever the opposite of troll is... in my comments lately, either. It's not like him to keep his damn yap shut for 5 minutes, let alone several days.

Has anyone seen the Bartender?


posted by Harvey at 7:36:47 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Emperor Misha I (may his name be forever spoken in reverence) appeared to have enjoyed my Democratic campaign slogans, except for one part, to which he applies the Imperial White Out.


Joe Lieberman - Because 1 out of 1 GoreBots hate me enough to stab me in the back.


Plenty more slogans in the comments. Take a look

Now, the only part the puzzles me is how he got to my blog in the first place. My current working theory is that he got here via Erosblog...

What? You thought that only torture took place in the Imperial Torture Chambers? Emperors have needs, ya know.


posted by Harvey at 6:50:15 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


My referer logs claim that somebody got to my site via Librenfin (Leftist Big Brother is Watching OVER YOU). I couldn't find the link myself:

Judging from his (her?) blogroll, which includes links to serveral gun manufacturers as well as Kim Du Toit and Ann Coulter, I'm saying that yonder Frenchman is not pleased with the above-cited Leftist Big Brother, and is just an American soul trapped in a European body. Hope he (she?) makes it over here someday. We could use more gun-slingin' cowboys.


The only bad part is that the site is about written in about 90% French, so I could barely make out anything. Although I think I got this part (December 15, CTRL+F "toutes"):



.....Au fan-club de Saddam Hussein ( Aka Le Camp de la Paix / Not in our name et consorts ).


Here's the Google translated version, which is only about 30% French, and... Kim of the Roof?


posted by Harvey at 6:37:49 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Wednesday, December 17, 2003


All kinds of helpful suggestions for effective *snicker* Democratic campaign slogans.

New assignment: What did Saddam say when he was captured?

Matty reminds us where to go for some hot & nasty linky-lovin'. (Remind me to get my smut to the Bartender on time this week.)

I give some helpful advice on how to cast a vote when every entry in the New Blog Showcase sucks.


posted by Harvey at 10:31:28 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


He's not Ann Landers. Heck, he's not even Ned Flanders. But Trey Givens is hanging out his shingle as the blogosphere's newest and most unhelpful advice columnist:


I'm really fat and it's hard to have sex. What should I do?
[Dr. T. Givens responds] I can only, but prefer not to imagine. You need to eat less, exercise more, and not set your goals so high. Maybe instead of sex you could aim for something less challenging like scrabble. Hang with that until you're ready for more complicated things like the whole base-system that comes with sexual inuendos.


Got a problem? Need a solution? Ask Dr. T.

Then do anything except what he suggests.


posted by Harvey at 10:11:59 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []





I love that you get cold when it’s seventy degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend a day with you I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night.


posted by Harvey at 10:04:49 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Of course, Susie prefers to think of it as, "aged to perfection, and ready for the Reddi-Wip".


posted by Harvey at 10:01:00 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Ok, not really, but I am honored that Nick picked my question for this week's official Judge's challenge at King of the Blogs:

Your significant female other asks you, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

How do you respond? Details a Must.

Answers have been posted. I'll be scrutinizing & criticizing, as well as telling the remaining 3 contestants why their blogs suck like a Hoover Shop-Vac after a Tim Taylor Home Improvement make-over.



posted by Harvey at 6:25:07 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Tuesday, December 16, 2003





O woman! Lovely woman! Nature made thee

To temper man; we had been brutes without you.

Angels are painted fair, to look like you;

There’s in you all that we believe of heaven,

Amazing brightness, purity, and truth,

Eternal joy, and everlasting love.


posted by Harvey at 11:29:30 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


You know that thing they say about Fortune Cookie fortunes? It works with Graffiti Currency, too.


posted by Harvey at 11:28:51 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Looks like I've got another trophy for my sidebar. The results are in for the 2003 Weblog Awards, and I came in DEAD FREAKING LAST in the Best Humor Blog category, with a miserable 15 votes out of the more than 5100 cast.

Since I've read Scrappleface, I know that there are 15 people who are incredibly dishonest. Or, more likely, 2 who have way too much time on their hands (Susie, Dana - looking your way).

In any event, I'd like to thank both all the people who voted for me against their better judgments. You folks are great :-)


posted by Harvey at 7:23:58 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


I know this sounds kinda tin-foil-hat & black helicopter, but bare with me.

Frank J., of IMAO, the world's funniest blogger (ok, third funniest) suddenly and inexplicably runs out of funny. On the same day, on the other side of the blogosphere, Trey Givens posts the funniest thing I've ever seen on his blog, and it has a suspiciously In My World flavor to it:


Johnny Popo [a police officer]: Hello, citizens!

Fratly types: Wassap, cop-dude!?!

Johnny Popo: We have received a report of burned animal remains on the premises. Do you know if this is true?

Frat Boy Alpha: Yo, Cop-dude. It's, like, totally gnarly. See?

FBA gestures to the small, smoldering pile of leaves upon which the carcass rests.

Johnny Popo: That is indeed quite gnarly, gentle citizen. What pray tell led to this grisly scene?

Frat Boy Beta: Whoa! You talk like that Willie Shake-a-stick dude who wrote all those plays that we read in my English 101 class!

Johnny Popo: Blank stare

Frat Boy Gamma: Shut up, 'tarded dude. You're such a homo.

Frat Boy Beta: You shut up, homo dude!

FBB tackles FBG and they rip off each other's clothes and wrestle. Other fratly types spray them with oil.


Coincidence? Possibly.

On the other hand, we may be looking at a case of kidnapping and torture. Check it out for yourself & see what you think.


posted by Harvey at 7:12:27 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


... has been up for almost a week, and I finally had time today to look around. The best Carnivals have themes instead of just categories, so this one is one of the best ones I've seen. Take a look, if you haven't yet.

My favorite was with "Ah, Tech Support". Being in customer service myself, the trials of dealing with the incredibly stupid are no stranger to me. But I personally wouldn't have the patience to walk this particularly computer illiterate dunderhead through all the steps that Ross did. I mean, how do you keep from hurling obscenities at someone who's not even familiar with copy and paste? My favorite lines are:


Ross: Did you hit Ctrl + V, as in victory? Or vince?

Unnamed Teacher: Like B as in Boy?

Ross: No, V as in victim.


Teacher didn't even catch that part. *snicker*.


posted by Harvey at 7:02:49 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

BEST OF ME SYMPHONY... up at Snooze Button Dreams. An interesting notion for a linky round-up: Submit your best post that's at least 2 months old.

I really like the format over there. Post name, blogger's name, blog's name, all laid out in easy-to-read boxes, with a short description of the post underneath.

And plenty of good stuff. For example, I discovered Susie, despite her claims to the contrary, leads an interesting life. Or at least she did before *I* started reading her blog. From way back in June, we have the tale of how one of her teen-age theater worker-drones wound up stuck on the roof of the building:

Apparently our roof has two levels, and the little girl's shoe was on the lower one. Matt jumped down to it, tossed the little girl her shoe, and then couldn't get back up the seven foot wall to the level where the trap door is. So the cashier wanted the trainee to take our ladder upstairs, up a ladder to the trap door, through to the roof, and lower the ladder to the lower roof so Matt could climb up....while we had customers lined up to the street. Nope. No way, Jose.


Of course, Susie's joy in the suffering of the helpless hasn't changed a bit, apparently.

*sigh* Is it any wonder I'm so in love? mmmm... crack that whip and punish me for being bad...


posted by Harvey at 6:38:06 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Monday, December 15, 2003





You will only find one true love in your life

And if you’re lucky

You’ll get to spend the rest of your life with her.


[to which I added]




posted by Harvey at 11:43:27 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



From the book "Picking Up Chicks for Dummies", page 65:

"This one falls into the category of "cute" techniques. Although it's usually quite effective, it's important to keep in mind that the denomination of bill you use should be inversely proportional to the number of drinks your target has consumed."


posted by Harvey at 11:38:31 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Boy, I thought the Dems were screwed before. Now that Saddam's in custody, the whole party has become almost completely irrelevant.

Nevertheless, they have to toss a sacrificial goat on the altar of the 2004 Presidential election, and there are currently 9 demented, twitching ogres eager to throw themselves on the pyre.

Being a loyal American, I want to do my part to help one of them commit political suicide, so here, in accordance with this week's Alliance Precision Guided Humor Assignment, are my suggestions for some Democratic campaign slogans:

Dennis Kucinich - Now that I'm no longer desecrating your dead sons, I'd like to defile your live daughters (link via Frizzen Sparks).

Dennis Kucinich – “Your women, I want to buy your women. The little girl, your daughters. Sell them to me. Sell me your childrens!

Carol Moseley Braun - Twice as diverse as Al Sharpton.

Carol Moseley Braun – Vote for me - unless you’re a racist misogynist.

John Kerry - Pardon my French

Howard Dean - Not to be confused with Howard the Duck.

Joe Lieberman - Because Al Gore used to like me.

Joe Lieberman - Don't worry, Gentiles, he'll still let you celebrate Christmas

Al Sharpton - Joe Stalin's politics, Kim Jong Il's hair

Rev. Al - putting "God" back into "God dammit, cracker, you better vote for me!"

Hillary Clinton - You know I can lick Bush. Wait... did that sound dirty? Nevermind.

Hillary Clinton - Now, more than ever. Because by 2008, I'll have died from the syphillis that Bill gave me.

Dick Gephardt – Dick and Jane run for the White House. Run, Dick. Run, Jane. Run! Run! Run!

Dick Gephardt - As Aryan as you wanna be.

Wesley Clark – Riding the short bus to the Presidency

John Edwards – Vote for me or my Klingon hordes will destroy you!

Or they can just go with the all-purpose Democrat slogan:

"It's not fair! Bush never should've won in the first place! Stupid electoral college! WAAAAAAHHHH!"


posted by Harvey at 11:20:33 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Steven Den Beste of USS Clueless has one of the best analyses of war and how to win it that I've ever read. It's about 20 minutes' worth, but it makes a complex subject very understandable.

One of the things that he mentioned that piqued my interest was when he contrasted terrorism and guerilla warfare:


I've written at length about the basic theory behind terrorism here, so I will only briefly summarize it. The strategy is to motivate the uncommitted to join the fight or to support it, and the tactic is to engage in acts against a much more powerful enemy which will provoke reprisals from that enemy. Usually the goal is to cause the enemy to make massive reprisals against the large mass of the uncommitted, angering them. Some of them may then join your cause; many others will at least become more sympathetic to it.

Violent attacks against enemy targets, especially civilian targets, are one way to do that, and that's what most people think of as being "terrorism".

But sometimes, in very special cases, peaceful demonstrations of resistance can win directly by bringing about a loss of political will by the enemy (which is how Gandhi won in India).

That's relatively rare, and is only possible against unusual enemies. Gandhi was able to win because of British sensibilities; if the occupiers had been Russian and the enemy leader had been Stalin, Gandhi's campaign would have been a failure, and Gandhi would have been executed early on without a trial.

What is far more common for successful terrorist campaigns is that they gradually transition into guerrilla war as support builds up. There's a distinct difference between the two. According to the doctrine, terrorist attacks are primarily designed to provoke reprisals, but guerrilla actions are directly intended to harm the enemy militarily. [emphasis mine]


and he comes to this conclusion as to how to label what the Baathist leftovers are doing in Iraq:


All of the preceding discussion is intended to lead up to Wretchard's post about Iraq titled "Follow the Money". Though the insurgency in Iraq has used low level tactics we associate with terrorism, it is in fact a guerrilla operation. [emphasis mine] The attacks are not intended to provoke American reprisals so as to gain sympathy among Iraqi civilians and induce them to join the insurgency or to support it. If anything, Iraqi support for the Coalition has continued to strengthen since the invasion as the Coalition continues to work to try to improve the lives of Iraq's civilians.

The insurgency is rather attempting to engage primarily in classic hit-and-run attacks on Coalition forces or on other foreign bodies, hoping they'll lose heart and pull out. In some cases they've been successful; one bombing attack caused the UN to pull out, and several other NGO's have curtailed their operations in Iraq.


Which made me think of the discussion that's going at Angelweave, wherein a liberal opined:

The bad guys attacking our soldiers are not terrorists--they are guerrillas, engaged in an insurgency.

And Heather's response:

Take your classification of guerillas. I disagree, and I'll take to the dictionary.

Guerilla - A member of an irregular, usually indigenous military or paramilitary unit operating in small bands in occupied territory to harass and undermine the enemy, as by surprise raids. (from

Okay - suicide bombings - yeah, it fits either way - terrorist or guerilla. You believe one way, and I believe the opposite? Is one of us lying? No, I don't believe so. It's merely semantics.

Well, I guess I'll have to disagree with Heather on the analysis of that single point. The liberal is right - it's guerilla warfare, not terrorism. However, Heather's right the the conclusions drawn by the liberal in question are [my term] blithering asshattery.

Nor are they a direct threat to the American people--or is this an admission that the neo-con's beloved "flypaper strategy" is a failure? I'll further note that we created the current violent environment in Iraq through an illegal invasion and inept occupation.

Regardless, these statements are proof positive that Bush offers only fear to the American people.

Knee-jerk anti-war liberals are funny that way. Even when they finally get something right, they quickly cannonball into the deep end of the short-sighted idiocy pool.


posted by Harvey at 9:49:25 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


I was doing the New Blog Showcase Results post at the Alliance, when a happy thing happened to me. I got to put both Ith of Absinthe & Cookies AND Ninjababe of Ninjababe's Ramble in the "voted this week" category.

Why is this such a good thing?

Well, like most people, I don't get around to anywhere NEAR all the places in the blogosphere that I'd like to. I've got a pretty long blogroll and I can't make it longer, because it already takes me the whole day to make it through. But in the course of surfing hither & thither, there are some blogs that, if I see them linked by someone else, I'll go visit, because I know there's good stuff at the other end.

One of them is Absinthe & Cookies. It's got a certain edgy charm to the atmosphere that I find appealing. Not to mention an adorable picture of Ith looking doll-o-liscious in the corner. Plus I found out in the process of poking around tonight that she's recruiting ladies for the "Girls! Girls! Girls!" group blog. I don't have the right equipment, myself, but I've always been very *ahem* supportive of women.

Another is Ninjababe's Ramble. Light-hearted & fun, plus one of the biggest, best, gratuitous cleavage shots I've ever found. YOWZA! Of course, she's got here dangerous side, too. Seriously, don't let her get too close to you with that penis needle. I'm cringing just thinking about it.

Anyway ladies, I just wanted to thank you for voting in the showcase this week. You've made an old man VERY happy.

mmmm... cleavage.


posted by Harvey at 9:13:56 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


I swear, I've got the coolest blog-buddies imaginable. Susie & Matt I don't even have to think twice about, the Geekster always has his vote up by the time I make it there all panicky on Sunday afternoon, and Kevin, who has no time to blog at all because of his insanely complicated life, still manages to put in a vote once I remind him that midnight Sunday is fast approaching. I wish everyone I nudged were so attentive.

But here's what else is cool about them:

Susie - she's always full of Christmas cheer, and even when she's feeling low, she's still fascinated by how often I can use my post in a single day. Susie, you're so naughty :-)

Matty O'Blackfive - You thought he was just a drunken Irish paratrooper? Not so. This man is a drunken Irish paratrooper who celebrates Saddam's capture with poetry! He also informs me that Kucinich took down that bullshit video. Oddly, this post was not done in the form of a poem. Therefore I will help:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

The video is gone

But Kucinich is still a fucking crap weasel for ever having it up in the first place!

Physics Geek - thoughtful guy that he is, he's posted a sweet Christmas tale that makes my Grinchy heart grow 3 sizes. He's also posted a picture of Susie taking a break during one of her braless blogging sessions. Sure it's cold in Indiana, but the scenery is just gorgeous.

Kevin of Eckernet - Still fiddling with that "real life" thingy of his, but there's plenty of goodies in his archives. I can't wait until he's got more time for blogging. Meanwhile, here's the Top 10 Reasons Regular Citizens Should Be Able To Own An Assault Rifle:

10) Sometimes you're too mad for just a normal gun.

9) If you see a dozen deer in one meadow, how else are you supposed to shoot them all before they run away?

8) Self-defense sometimes involves "assaulting" a fortress.

7) Keeping control of a fully automatic weapon helps build upper body strength.

6) If we're not allowed to have assault rifles, that will make us mad and we have other guns.


I'll leave the rest for you to go look at on your own.


posted by Harvey at 8:42:31 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


<P><A href="">Anti-Idiotarian Rotweiler</A> (537 links) - 4135 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Flying Chair</A> (174 links) - 3332 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">IMAO</A> (552 links) - 3261 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love</A> (292 links) - 2017 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">annika's journal &amp; poetry</A> (125 links) - 260 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Bad Money</A> (155 links) - 253 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Colorado Conservative</A> (65 links) - 231 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Ramblings of Silver Blue</A> (167 links) - 230 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Patriot Paradox</A> (126 links) - 220 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Being American in T.O.</A> (94 links) - 218 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Leaning Towards the Dark Side</A> (70 links) - 211 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">The Inscrutable American</A> (97 links) - 191 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Practical Penumbra</A> (230 links) - 186 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">the evangelical outpost</A> (149 links) - 186 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">The Alliance</A> (174 links) - 175 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Pardon My English</A> (92 links) - 170 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">From the Halls to the Shores</A> (68 links) - 169 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Absinthe &amp; Cookies</A> (190 links) - 162 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">angelweave</A> (133 links) - 122 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">An Englishman's Castle</A> (60 links) - 104 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">dogtulosba, ink. - soapiate of the masses</A> (50 links) - 100 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Who Tends The Fires</A> (113 links) - 94 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Judicious Asininity</A> (118 links) - 84 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Five Wasps</A> (56 links) - 81 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Idiot Villager</A> (59 links) - 77 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">physics geek</A> (72 links) - 74 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""></A> (39 links) - 70 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">The S-Train Canvass</A> (66 links) - 64 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Le Sabot Post-Moderne</A> (79 links) - 58 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">VRWC, Inc.</A> (89 links) - 52 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Left Coast Conservative</A> (142 links) - 47 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Semi-Intelligent Thoughts</A> (71 links) - 44 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">The Gleeful Extremist</A> (59 links) - 42 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Wince and Nod</A> (84 links) - 39 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Frizzen Sparks</A> (54 links) - 36 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Civilization Calls</A> (56 links) - 35 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""></A> (55 links) - 34 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Homicidal Maniak</A> (60 links) - 31 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Grim's Hall</A> (58 links) - 30 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">curi's domain</A> (59 links) - 30 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Pinto's Blog</A> (44 links) - 27 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Cavalier Attitude</A> (47 links) - 24 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Elegance Against Ignorance</A> (73 links) - 20 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Single White Male</A> (48 links) - 19 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Ninjababe's Ramble</A> (59 links) - 17 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Hypocrisy and Hypotheses</A> (63 links) - 17 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Cannon's Canon</A> (57 links) - 15 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Irreconcilable Musings</A> (58 links) - 15 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">The Conservative Cajun</A> (42 links) - 15 visits/day<BR><A href="">Shameless Self-Promotion</A> (55 links) - 14 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Hoppings of Roxette Bunny</A> (63 links) - 14 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""></A> (39 links) - 11 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Newmanisms</A> (57 links) - 11 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">CandyUniverse</A> (89 links) - 3 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Interested-Participant</A> (115 links) - visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""></A> (58 links) - visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Ripe Bananas</A> (70 links) - visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""> Political Commentary</A> (132 links) - visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">The New American Revolutionist</A> (54 links) - visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT></P>

posted by Harvey at 7:46:28 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Anti-Idiotarian Rotweiler (537 links) - 4135 visits/day V
Flying Chair (174 links) - 3332 visits/day V
IMAO (552 links) - 3261 visits/day V
Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love (292 links) - 2017 visits/day V
annika's journal & poetry (125 links) - 260 visits/day V
Bad Money (155 links) - 253 visits/day V
Colorado Conservative (65 links) - 231 visits/day V
Ramblings of Silver Blue (167 links) - 230 visits/day V
Patriot Paradox (126 links) - 220 visits/day V
Being American in T.O. (94 links) - 218 visits/day V
Leaning Towards the Dark Side (70 links) - 211 visits/day V
The Inscrutable American (97 links) - 191 visits/day V
Practical Penumbra (230 links) - 186 visits/day V
the evangelical outpost (149 links) - 186 visits/day V
The Alliance (174 links) - 175 visits/day V
Pardon My English (92 links) - 170 visits/day V
From the Halls to the Shores (68 links) - 169 visits/day V
Absinthe & Cookies (190 links) - 162 visits/day V
angelweave (133 links) - 122 visits/day V
An Englishman's Castle (60 links) - 104 visits/day V
dogtulosba, ink. - soapiate of the masses (50 links) - 100 visits/day V
Who Tends The Fires (113 links) - 94 visits/day V
Judicious Asininity (118 links) - 84 visits/day V
Five Wasps (56 links) - 81 visits/day V
Idiot Villager (59 links) - 77 visits/day V
physics geek (72 links) - 74 visits/day V (39 links) - 70 visits/day V
The S-Train Canvass (66 links) - 64 visits/day V
Le Sabot Post-Moderne (79 links) - 58 visits/day V
VRWC, Inc. (89 links) - 52 visits/day V
Left Coast Conservative (142 links) - 47 visits/day V
Semi-Intelligent Thoughts (71 links) - 44 visits/day V
The Gleeful Extremist (59 links) - 42 visits/day V
Wince and Nod (84 links) - 39 visits/day V
Frizzen Sparks (54 links) - 36 visits/day V
Civilization Calls (56 links) - 35 visits/day V (55 links) - 34 visits/day V
Homicidal Maniak (60 links) - 31 visits/day V
Grim's Hall (58 links) - 30 visits/day V
curi's domain (59 links) - 30 visits/day V
Pinto's Blog (44 links) - 27 visits/day V
Cavalier Attitude (47 links) - 24 visits/day V
Elegance Against Ignorance (73 links) - 20 visits/day V
Single White Male (48 links) - 19 visits/day V
Ninjababe's Ramble (59 links) - 17 visits/day V
Hypocrisy and Hypotheses (63 links) - 17 visits/day V
Cannon's Canon (57 links) - 15 visits/day V
Irreconcilable Musings (58 links) - 15 visits/day V
The Conservative Cajun (42 links) - 15 visits/day
Shameless Self-Promotion (55 links) - 14 visits/day V
Hoppings of Roxette Bunny (63 links) - 14 visits/day V (39 links) - 11 visits/day V
Newmanisms (57 links) - 11 visits/day V
CandyUniverse (89 links) - 3 visits/day V
Interested-Participant (115 links) - visits/day V (58 links) - visits/day V
Ripe Bananas (70 links) - visits/day V Political Commentary (132 links) - visits/day V
The New American Revolutionist (54 links) - visits/day V


posted by Harvey at 7:44:55 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Sunday, December 14, 2003


The Bartender from Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon kicked me out of the Champagne Room for having sex. Only half of my filthy posts made it into this week's round-up, and he stuffed them "below the fold".

I don't understand. I was only 8 hours late with my submission. Which means the Bartender is either

A) Strict

B) A dick

I don't know whether to pay a poverty-stricken college student $5 to kick his ass, or to start stuffing a little extra cabbage in his tip jar.

Oh well. There's still plenty of adult entertainment to be found at Willie's. For example, Helen of Everyday Stranger tackles one of the oldest debates known to man:


Spit or swallow.

The topic that is the subject of many jokes.

“What’s the difference between like or love?” A: “Spit or swallow.”

“What’s the ideal woman?” A: “One that’s three feet tall and swallows with a flat head to rest your beer on.”

And so on.


Personally, I'm agnostic. Just don't gargle. That's kinda nasty.


posted by Harvey at 10:17:56 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



So, Joey of Single White Male wants to know why I wasn’t at the Filthy Lucre concert on December 6? (Dec 9, CTRL+F "filthy")


December 6, 2003, a day that will live in infamy.


The Cricket Pavillion in Phoenix was packed, people were beating each other up at the gates for the privilege of paying $500 for $20 tickets. The mood was wild and festive. Half-naked chicks flinging their bikini tops onto the stage was the order of the day.


Showtime… 7pm… the clock ticks… the hours passes… the crowd grows agitated.


By 7:30 pm, the grumblings started. By 7:35, they were chanting “FIL-THY LU-CRE! FIL-THY LUCRE!”, stomping and clapping, thinking the band was just playing a little joke.


Around 7:45, in desperation, the rest of the band came on stage to raucous cheers & applause. They hoped to make the best of a bad situation, meanwhile praying mightily that I might show up in the nick of time with my incomparable guitar stylings. No such luck.


Joey did the best he could. He must’ve spent at least fifteen minutes yelling “HELLLLOOOOOOOOOOOO PHOENIX!”, but he knew he’d have to launch into “Socialism Sucks” eventually, so he just went for it.


Unfortunately, he’d spent the last 2 hours drinking leftover beer out of any unattended half-empty cup he could find, so he was thoroughly wasted. The lyrics eluded him.


“I love my school… uh, it’s pretty cool…um… you look like a fool…(yeah, that’s it)… uh… my mom just bought a swimming pool… uh…”


Nobody’s sure who threw that first beer bottle, but it caught Joey right smack between the eyes and he hit the stage like a sack of wet laundry.


After that, all hell broke loose. Bottles flew like angry pigeons, and musicians were toppling like Saddam’s statues. Someone started a chair on fire, smoke rose into the night sky, soon people were trampling each other as they headed for the exits.


Chaos reigned. Satan laughed.


Fortunately, the automatic sprinkler system kicked on, and everyone lived the tell the tale of the night that Filthy Lucre f***** them over.


So… where was I?


Look. It’s a long drive from Wisconsin to Arizona. I stopped to ask directions.


Sorry about that, Joey.


posted by Harvey at 10:08:04 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories, that it has come to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet it is in this way that love begins, and in this way only… Nothing is more real than these great shocks which two souls give each other in exchanging this spark.


posted by Harvey at 9:18:40 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Look! It's the ghost of a chance that the Democrats don't stand in 2004!


posted by Harvey at 9:14:43 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


And the 3 finalists are:

Tuning Spork of Blather Review

Bryan of Clarity amidst Chaos

The Mystery Monkey of Vigilance Matters

Sorry, Pylorns, I guess you should've been more uppity. I tried.

The judges' opinions are here. If nothing else, go read mine for the entertainment value. Damn I'm funny.

posted by Harvey at 12:27:48 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


The eminent mixologist of the Alliance has a lovely series going called the 86 Rules of Boozing. I suspect it was written by Matty O'Blackfive back before his ascension to Spritist deity, but I can't be sure. Meanwhile, here's a few samples:


When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.

Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.

Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.





Oh, and #30 applies equally well to blogging, so no more complaints from the free drinkers in the audience.

Not that anyone ever complains, except the Bartender, who's kind of a dick, anyway.


posted by Harvey at 12:02:17 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


GEBIV of There's One, Only, found a question on Citizen Smash:

If one state had to leave the Union, which one would you miss the least?

Gotta be Texas.

Why? Because of all the states in the Union, Texas is the one I would most trust to set up an independant nation that would respect individual rights. So, if America ever went straight to hell in a Democratic handbasket, I could move to Texas & live like a human being.

By the way, GEBIV is complaining that, although he finally hit the 100 visitor mark, he never gets any comments. Go tell him what a nice shade of green his blog is.

If for no other reason, you gotta love his site for being on Blogspot & having working permalinks.

posted by Harvey at 11:51:17 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Ok, it's not so much what the Emperor said, as it is the quote he pulled:


If this Supreme Court ruling is not completely disregarded by the press -- if it is not the explicit subject of an overwhelming campaign of civil disobedience -- the word "freedom" will have lost all meaning for Americans.

A man is not free because he's permitted to vote for his political masters. The subjects of the late, unlamented Soviet Union enjoyed that "right." So did the subjects of Saddam Hussein.

A man is not free because some portion of his earnings is still his to spend on a variety of attractive goods. Not if the government can punish him for choosing goods it has not approved.

A man is not free because the long arm of the law has not yet descended on his neck. That's more properly called a stay of execution.

A man is free if, and only if, he has the unchallenged right to do as he damned well pleases with his life, his property, and with any other responsible, consenting adult, provided only that he respects the equal freedom of all other men. That clearly includes the right to buy space for a political ad from any newspaper or broadcast organ willing to sell it to him.


This man is right. So if anyone knows where I can spend my money to help buy a criminal political ad next year, drop me a line. I'm in.

I'm breaking this law. It's a piece of shit.


posted by Harvey at 10:28:45 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


I'm "none of the above", religion-wise, but people still wish me a "Merry Christmas" now and again. It doesn't offend me, because I look at the meaning behind the words instead of the form of their expression. Someone is saying that Christmas makes them very happy, and they wish a similar happiness to me. It's not a big deal, it's just a thoughtful courteous gesture.

But I hate being wished "Happy Holidays". The message there is "I don't want to offend you", not "I wish you joy". Which, frankly, I find offensive, because I'm not at all thin-skinned, and I resent the assumption that I am.

All that aside, I do have one Christmas wish that's never been fulfilled. I would like for a practicing Jew to wish me Happy Hannukah. Not because he thinks I'm Jewish, but because the holiday makes him happy, and he wishes a similar happiness for me.

In that spirit, I'd like to wish all my family, friends, readers, and confused passers-by a Happy Snowy-Cold-Day-Off-From-Work!

UPDATE 5PM: As amusing as I find the phrase "Merpy Chriskwanzukkah" (and, God help me, I just might use it at the bank if someone annoys me enough), I'm still waiting for a nice, sincere, Jewish "Happy Hannukah".

Jeez, Barkeep, don't you know any nice Jewish girls you can send my way to give a lonely boy a friendly greeting?


posted by Harvey at 9:30:05 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks. The cooks at America's Test Kitchen are a bunch of arrogant pricks.


posted by Harvey at 9:09:14 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Saddam Hussein captured.

Screw the old media. The breaking news will be blogged at the Command Post.

By the way, did anyone else notice how sad Dan Rather looks. Makes me just want to punch him.

Shepard Smith of Fox News, on the other hand, was postively GLOWING. Bless that man.


posted by Harvey at 8:09:41 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


... to try to encourage Alliance members to vote. Meanwhile, Matty O'Blackfive is standing there with a video camera yelling "Submit! Submit! Submit!"

Why join the Alliance? Free B&D.

Anyway, send a link to you best 2+ month-old post to Snooze Button Dreams "Bestofme Symphony" then go vote in the New Blog Showcase, and check your blog-buddies (2 blogs listed above you and 2 blogs listed below you on the Alliance HQ blogroll) to make sure that they voted. And it wouldn't hurt to click their vote links when you visit to make sure they work.

Meanwhile, in other Alliance news:

The "Last Comment" Filthy Lie Round-up has been posted. This time I think the prize goes to CD of Semi-Intelligent Thoughts who got into a ROTFLMAO groove with his answer.

New Filthy Lie Assignment: What secret project is Evil Glenn working on?

And, for the record, I don't know why Susie, thinks I would take it the wrong way when she mentioned Hostess Twinkies. Might have something to do with me telling her that I'd like to put some cream filling in her sponge cake that one time...


But honestly, do I REALLY have THAT big of a reputation for being the uber-kinkmeister now?

posted by Harvey at 12:32:10 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



In a very personal post, Trey Givens relates the story of how one of his closest personal relationships came to an end. It's well-told, sad, yet instructive, and it made me think about how the commitment of marriage makes a difference in a relationship.


My Beloved Wife and I have had our share of, shall we say, "enthusiastically opinionated discussions", but when it's all said & done, we're still together and we're still in love.


Had we not been married, though, there's a good chance that one or both of us would've called it quits over one issue or another instead of working through it. The difference is that, because we're married, we have a commitment to staying together - period. Quitting isn't an option. With that to guide us, our only option becomes discussing the matter until we find a solution, no matter how long it takes, and no matter how uncomfortable the process is.


Over the years, I've found that most relationship issues boil down to "the way you're acting doesn't make me feel like you love me as much as I think you should." The trouble is that, in the discussion, it usually comes out as "you're doing something wrong - stop it!" Which leads to stubborn debates of "no, I won't" vs. "yes, you will".


The latter discussion only leads to an unsolvable impasse. The trick to maintaining the relationship in good order is to reframe the problem in terms of the real underlying "I don't feel loved" issue. From there, a solution is easier to discover, usually in the form of "I'm not willing to change the particular thing I do that you don't like, but I am willing to do something else to make you feel more loved. How about this instead...?"


Once the solution is implemented, the overall love quotient rises sufficiently to make the original problem fade to relative insignificance.


I'm not saying this is easy. Far from it. Strong emotions have to be set aside in the process, which is exceedingly difficult. I'm just saying that the price is worth the prize.


In Trey's case, I don't know that it would work, anymore. There are certain lines that should never be crossed because they do irreparable damage. When you actually come out and say, in so many words, "I want our relationship to end" or "I want a divorce", that's not something you can talk your way out of later. Personally, I will never use the "D" word in an argument, because I would never hurt the woman I will be spending the rest of my life with like that. I'll stick to lower-level hurtings like screaming and slamming doors. Those you can just pass off as "heat of the moment", and they're easy enough to get over when everyone's calmed down.


But threaten to break the one promise that gives our love strength, depth & meaning?





posted by Harvey at 12:06:53 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Saturday, December 13, 2003



Now I heard the story about the new WMD evidence elsewhere, but Mike the Marine's set-up for it is just priceless. Take you maybe 15 seconds to read the entry without clicking the links, and the mental image is simply lovely.




posted by Harvey at 11:44:57 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



You are my heart, my soul, and all that I am. I love you more with every breath I take and my love renews every time I think about you. I am glad to have the honor of being yours.


You are my friend, my love, my queen, and the woman I cherish with all the energy that I can draw from my heart.


posted by Harvey at 11:32:14 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Sure, it looks like a toll-free number, but Dial-A-Slut actually charges $3.99 a minute, and those women at the other end of the line can't fake an orgasm to save their lives, so don't even bother calling this number...

... er... so I've been told...


posted by Harvey at 11:28:48 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Friday, December 12, 2003



Alone I dare not climb..

With you I reach new heights


posted by Harvey at 9:58:34 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Thanks to Lynn of Reflections in d minor, I now have a name for my pathological dread of child-loving men in make-up clowns.

Now go check the list to see if your personal nightmare has a cool Latin name.


posted by Harvey at 9:48:05 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Trey Givens pointed to an adult-oriented (although lacking nudity) flash video. I swear I saw Susie in there. See if you can spot her. Here's a quote from her that might be a hint:

"tired... from Harvey... adventure"

You should probably stop at Trey's first and read the "not safe for work" warning.


posted by Harvey at 9:42:52 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



Susie's case of the Blah's must be contagious, because Sgt. Stryker has 'em too. So he begged for a little cheering up in the comments.


And help arrived in droves. The place is drowning in jokes. Some old, some new, some I've heard, some I haven't. One of my favorites:



A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St.Peter. St. Peter asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a penis?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger."
St. Peter says, "Ok, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, " Well once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says "OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."

All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St.Petersays "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?
The girl replies "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it."




Plenty more where that came from. Definitely worth your time to take a peek.


posted by Harvey at 9:31:17 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



Wait... That's not funny.


Oh yes it is.

See Don of Anger Management to find out why.


posted by Harvey at 9:21:40 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Absolutely free.

Not a pretty sight, but he's raising money for a good cause. Jed of Boots & Sabers has the story.


posted by Harvey at 9:19:48 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



So says Lynn of Reflections in d minor, and I have to concur.


This is NOT an animated gif.



posted by Harvey at 9:15:52 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


From the "forwarded a million times" e-mail file comes this bit from my Blogless Brother Roy:


1. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. 
       Look at the bright side, it's really good pay. 
2. My tire was thumping.  I thought it was flat. 
       When I looked at the tire...I noticed your cat. 
3. Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be. 
       But don't fret about it...She moved in with me. 
4. Looking back over the years that we've been together, 
       I can't help but wonder? What the hell was I thinking? 
5.  Congratulations on your wedding day! 
      Too bad no one likes your husband. 
6. How could two people as beautiful as you... 
      Have such an ugly baby? 
7. I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. 
      After having met you ..I've changed my mind. 
8. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life... 
       I never believed in Hell till I met you. 
9. As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... 
      That you're not here to ruin it for me. 
10. Congratulations on your promotion. 
        Before you go ... would you like to take this knife out of my back? 
        You'll probably need it again. 
11. Someday I hope to get married. 
        But not to you. 
12. Happy birthday! 
        You look great for your age...Almost Lifelike! 
13. When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. 
         Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise. 
14. We have been friends for a very long time... 
         what do you say that we stop now? 
15. I'm so miserable without you ... 
        it's almost like you're here. 
16. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. 
         Did you ever find out who the father was? 
17. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your 
       birthday.  So we're having you put to sleep. 
18. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! 
                 (Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky and West Virginia)



posted by Harvey at 8:56:29 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



Tought assignment this week. Find the comment that made Evil Glenn snap.


Well, I had to poke around the Google cache for a while, but I finally found the last date where Instapundit contained comments. Naturally there were about 600 entries, but I think I narrowed it down to a few likely candidates.


Take, for example this entry:


Why do Koreans eat dogs? That's just sick. I'm glad that sort of thing doesn't happen in America.




Which had this comment:


Why are you insulting Koreans? Maybe they're onto something. I mean, have you ever even tasted a dog? Maybe they're yummy. You don't have to eat the whole thing. Just take one little bite and report back. You could even chop it up really fine... or something.



Or this one:


Although I support President Bush, I still think Communism is a bigger threat than terrorism.




Which had this comment:


All you ever do is bash Commies on your site. Have you ever even read the Communist Manifesto? Why don't you just read one little paragraph from Mao's Little Red Book. You'd be surprised how much you two actually have in common. Who knows? You might actually grow to love him someday.



Or this one:


I love the homeless. Call them what you will: tramps, bums, hobos, drifters, etc. All I know is that the happiest moments of my life are spent volunteering at the local soup kitchen.




Which had this comment:


Are you nuts? Those filthy scumbags are a pestilence on American society! The world would be a better place if every last one of them were brutally murdered with a hammer.




Or this one:


I was forced to watch Saturday Night Fever last night. I tell ya, it makes me glad to have given up dancing.




Which had this comment:


I agree. Disco is retarded. But dancing in the 80's was much better. I remember doing this one dance called the Robot. Those jerky moves send a strange sensation through your body. It's like having spiders in your underwear, but somehow it's still quite... stimulating.



Or possibly this one:


I'm proud to be a Christian. I don't see how anyone could ever worship anything but the one true God.




Which had this comment:


Got Satan?



So I really don't know what could have triggered Glenn's slide into evil. However, there was one last post. It seemed completely unrelated, but I'll reproduce it here anyway:


I can feel the darkness growing within me. Foul urges take command of my spirit, and my ability to resist is failing fast. It occurs to me how much power I possess, sitting atop the Ecosystem. Why shouldn't I use it for my own benefit? I mean, it's not like anyone has the power to stop me... Yes, I shall let my evil grow and consume the blogosphere. MUAHAHAHAHA!




Followed by the last three comments I found at Instapundit:


You vile, contemptable bastard! You can't just go around crushing other bloggers like bugs! Your evil must be stopped!



Shut up, vermin! [POW!]



OW! You punched me! That does it! I'm raising an army to put an end to your atrocities!




That exchange took place many months ago. Since then, Evil Glenn's foul activites have been both numerous and well-documented. It's no use trying to figure out the why & wherefore at this point. The only thing left to do is finish the job we've started, quickly and decisively, without hesitation or mercy.


To arms, fellow bloggers, to arms!




posted by Harvey at 7:51:05 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Anti-Anti War's "The Iraq war will be a success" Optimism about Iraq with historical precedents cited.




posted by Harvey at 7:44:09 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


The answers to the Host's Challenge, which was:


You are marooned on an island with the rest of the contestants in the King of the Blogs tournament. How would you survive amongst the other contestants, and what strategies would you use to do this? Please explain in detail.


are available for viewing in their entirety here. No bad answers, but some were better than others, entertainment-wise.

Anyway, I got my reviews in, as well as a random blog post review from each of the blogs. Took about 2 hours. Good crop of contestants this week.

Except for Pylorns of WetWired, who's a little uppity.

posted by Harvey at 7:30:47 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Thursday, December 11, 2003


Don of Anger Management is determined to cause trouble around the blogosphere. This time he's brought up the topic of what kind of body shape men prefer on women.

Of course, he tries to blame Candy for bringing it up in the first place (Dec 9, CTRL+F "hooked"), but geez, Don, take a little responsibility here. YOU'RE the one who picked her question out of a long and mostly unrelated post:


I have a question for you guys, mmmm-k? Now, God knows I haven't ever looked like one of these two [women on "The Simple Life"], but I just have to know. Do you really find skin and bones, anorexic women to be all that attractive?


Well, Don gives his answer and proceeds to blah, blah, blah endlessly afterwards, instead of just getting off the stage:


The skin and bones look is a lot like Communism - many guys find it attractive in theory, but in practice, it leaves much to be desired (I, however, am smarter than other guys and realize that skin and bones, like Communism, sucks in practice because it's evil in theory).

Consider that today's defining beauty, Britney Spears, is not of the skin and bones variety...which is as it should be. The perfect woman has a number of assets skin and bones chicks lack: tits, hips, ass, and yes, even a tummy. These features not only look great - but unlike that skeletal concoction of collagen, hydroxy apatite, and osteoblasts - they are pleasing to the touch.


I'll spare you the blah, blah, blah part, although you're certainly welcome to read it for yourself if you've already read all the phone books in your house and can't find anything else to help you sleep.

Anyway, Don, let me show you how it's done. Here's my answer:


Bony chicks - ugh.

For me, I like nice, soft, feminine curves. A Jane-Russell-brand "full-figured-gal". A woman who you look at & think, "mmm... snuggly"

Most important - she's gotta have the kind of round, girly-hips where, if you're slow-dancing with her, you've got a place to rest your hands.


And now the post ends.

Hope you were taking notes, Don.


posted by Harvey at 11:23:08 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


In the comments to this post at Alliance HQ, someone posted a link to a terrorist whackin' song called "Let's Stand Up For America", which you can download for free as a 3.3 MB Mp3 file.

Personally, except for a rather nice guitar riff that shows up about 1/3 the way in and again toward the end, I found the music a little too much on the dank & heavy side for my tastes. And they did something funky to the vocals that wasn't really my style either. Then again, that's just me, and if your tastes run toward the grungier side of hard rock, you might actually enjoy it, so give it a try.


posted by Harvey at 10:28:29 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


"So", you may ask, "who is this fabulous woman who inspires you to keep posting love notes every single day? She must be something really special..."

I have to agree.

posted by Harvey at 9:56:30 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



Through all the shadows of doubt, there is one thing I know for certain: I can't live without you.


posted by Harvey at 9:44:47 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


[Brians Lucky.  if you get this dollar then his luck has ran out.  So maybe it will bring good luck to you]

For example, you might NOT get torn apart by an angry albino gorilla like Brian did when HIS luck ran out.

(Thanks to the nameless host of Vigilance Matters for finding this one for me).


posted by Harvey at 9:36:58 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Wednesday, December 10, 2003



Together we’re in this relationship

We built it with care to last the whole trip

Our true destination’s not marked on any chart

We’re navigating the shores of the heart.


posted by Harvey at 11:51:47 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Look, Matty, I don't mind that you're writing down the nuclear missle launch codes instead of memorizing them, but FOR GOD'S SAKE will you please stop leaving them in the Bartender's tip jar?


posted by Harvey at 11:49:12 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



Kevin's set the woods ablaze with yet another stench-fest Bonfire of the Vanities.


Now, I always thought the rules were pretty self-explanatory. Send your worst post in for mockery. But some folks just aren't very clear on the concept of "suck". Like Brian of Resonance, who's trying to get voted Best Flappy Bird in the Blogger Awards. His platform is clear, concise & literate. Not to mention amusing.




On the bright side, it makes everyone else look even crappier by comparison, so maybe it's a good thing.


Now over here at Phelps, we have something disturbing and creepy. Made all the worse by the strong resemblance it bears to my Blogless Brother Tom.


Now THAT sucks!


posted by Harvey at 11:27:39 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



Ok, I've got the cure for Susie's bad-day-blues.


A little topping.

A little bottoming.

Enjoy, Susie.


posted by Harvey at 11:20:24 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



homicidalManiak posted a very nice "about me" post and then finished by asking if there was anything else I wanted to know.


Well, hM, since you mentioned boobies earlier, I suppose I AM curious about bra size. Strictly for fantasy-scripting purposes, you understand.


I'll either get slapped or get an answer. Either way, I guess I'll enjoy it.


Cool. Another Champagne Room entry.


posted by Harvey at 11:09:13 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



My grandfather escaped from Sweden in 1883.


That part is true. From here on out, keep your hand on your wallet.


He brought with him with some fine traditions including some spiritual beliefs which are among the few that don't conflict with my atheism.


When I tell people I'm an atheist, they always get this funny look on their faces, and usually come back with something like, "You don't believe in ANY sort of God at all? You've gotta be KIDDING! Surely you believe in SOMETHING?"


Wellllll... I *do* believe I'll have another drink...


Which is the basis of Spritism, which I learned from my late grandfather and/or the US Navy.


I'm not sure where the Bartender from Madfish Willie's learned to practice Spritism, but he's pretty accomplished in the art.


He's also got a list of every fellow-practictioner in the blogosphere, which he wittily presents in the form of an expository essay on what Spritism is all about.


So go see the Bartender, learn a little bit about how drinking can help you attain enlightenment, and enjoy one of the best link-fests ever assembled.


While you're over there, please pay attention to who is the MASTER of the Spritist arts.


Go *hic* Navy!


Oh, and if you're wondering why the blogosphere's quintessential imbiber, Matty O'Blackfive isn't listed at the most advanced level instead of me, it's because he long-ago reached enlightenment and transcended to a higher plane of alcohol consumption. Spritists only speak of his legend in whispers, and hope that someday we, ourselves, might attain similar status with enough devotional practice.


posted by Harvey at 11:04:20 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



The Emperor liked my note to Kucinich.


Aw shucks.


But I liked his string of obscenities better. I tell ya, I NEED to hear more stuff like this.


Which is why I'd like to thank Matty O'Blackfive for 2 things:


1) He takes his own well-timed shots at this abomination and


2) In the comments to that post, there is a reasoned response to the Kucinich atrocity, that calmly lays out the reasons why the producer of that video ought to be ashamed of himself. 


I could never stop howling cuss words long enough to write anything like that myself, but if I could, that's what I'd like to be able to say, and it's so well-written that I enjoyed it even as much as the righteously obscene invective that I'm seeing in other places. I highly recommed reading it. Here's a sample paragraph:



Perhaps you don’t understand the concept of service and sacrifice. Perhaps you do understand it, but are so selfish that you resent it in others. Or perhaps you just don’t really give a damn one way or the other. But, what is a certainty is that you enjoy inciting people using the honored dead for your own political gain, and that doesn’t require armchair psychology to judge. Even if you really believe in the merit of your point, somewhere inside of you, you know that what you’ve done and continue to perpetuate, is profoundly wrong. You cannot measure the means that you have chosen against the ends of what you feel is important. If you cannot make your political point elegantly, then so be it, but it is deeply wrong to invoke the silent voices of the dead and try to puppeteer them to your own designs because you lack the moral or intellectual edifice upon which to construct a valid argument. Deeply, overwhelmingly wrong.




Oh, and if the Heather who wrote that (not the Angelweave Heather, who is currently in treatment for an eggnog addiction... or something) has it posted on a blog somewhere, someone please let me know so I can give it direct linkage.


posted by Harvey at 10:57:31 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


The Precision Guided Humor Round-up is available for viewing. Graumagus just blew my mind with his entry, but the general level of quality is unusually high this week, so check 'em all.

New assignment:

Write one or several campaign slogans for the Democratic Presidential hopefuls.

I've already got Kucinich's:

"Vote for me because I'm a fucking crap weasel!"

posted by Harvey at 10:39:49 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



I love it when people write things that make me go, "huh... How come I never thought of that?"


Via Matt O'Blackfive, Feste of Fool's Blog makes an excellent point on the stupidity of the "there's no plan for post-war Iraq" meme:




The Dems repeat it often enough and it becomes a fact in the public mind. The media are happy to let it stand as they have a great deal invested in our failure in Iraq. The Dems want it both ways, the plan isn't working/ there is no plan. Which is it?

How pray tell did we accomplish this witout a plan? The supply logistics alone require months of advance work. Hillary wants us to believe that Bremer or CENTCOM thinks "Oh we forgot about that...or we didn't realize we would need that " and the supply fairy delivers 22 million vaccination doses to Iraq.




Wish I would've written that.


posted by Harvey at 10:09:32 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


From the comments to this post, Jessica of Miniluv informs me that the asshole who made the Kucinich video has a prior history.

posted by Harvey at 7:12:02 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Now that Kofi Annan has died in a tragic hair-drying accident and I have been elected Secretary General of the UN, I am proposing the following resolutions:

#1625 The French will henceforth bathe with both soap AND water

#1626 All terrorists will wear Where's-Waldo-style stripey shirts for easy identification. You, too, Kucinich, you f'n crap weasel.

#1627 The UN Building will be closed down and re-opened as a Super Wal-Mart. All UN offices and equipment will be relocated to a whorehouse in Brussels

#1628 Upon entering the UN Building, all delegates will bitch-slap the Ambassador from France. After all delegates are seated, the French Ambassador will favor us with his rendition of "I'm a Little Teapot"

#1629 All leaders of nations NOT among the "Coalition of the Willing" will kneel before an American flag every day at 8am to give thanks to whatever deity they may worship that the US hasn't yet nuked their terrorist-coddling asses

#1630 Kim Jong Il WILL stop by Supercuts before the end of the day, or face re-coiffing from the "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" crew

#1631 Misha I will be crowned Emperor by his own hand, and the world's population will take an oath of fealty lest they incur his Wrath O'ClueBat.

#1632 Kyoto = no mo'

#1633 The rainforests jungles of Brazil will be clear-cut and the entire country paved over as a parking lot for the world's largest indoor shopping center - The Mall of the Americas

#1634 Anyone who attempts any terrorist act will be dressed in red buttless leather chaps and turned loose in a San Francisco bath house wearing a "no Vaseline required" T-shirt.


posted by Harvey at 12:13:39 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Tuesday, December 09, 2003



True love is the greatest thing in the world…

Except for cough drops…

Everyone knows that.


posted by Harvey at 11:51:45 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Mike Tyson: 2010.


posted by Harvey at 11:49:21 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


homicidalManiack discovered my mysterious hidden link on Gnome-girl (see comments to previous post). So I figured I'd post some thank-you linkage, ("shouldn't be hard", I thought, "EVERYONE'S got something cool"). Well, no shortage of coolness, but a shortage of a blogger name. Hmmm.

Even worse, a shortage of an "about me" post. Darn.

Even worse, worse, a shortage of self-referential, gender-specific pronouns. Uh-oh. Blog-boy or blog-girl?

Peek, peek, peek... Score!:


I'm mulling over the idea of joining Bloggers with Boobies over at Dana's place. What do my loyal readers think?


Friends, this fine lady needs some help in making a decision, please encourage her.

Also, I now owe homicidalManiak (can I call you hM for short?) another favor, since she posted a more thorough, and more pleasantly vicious, review of that atrocious Kucinich video. Just wanted to thank you for that, hM, because I NEED to read all the brutal fiskings I can of fetid thing. Every time I think about it, all I can do is see red, and I can't compose a coherant thought.

All I can do is go to my happy place, climb the bell tower, affix the laser sight, breathe, breathe, squeeze firmly but gently...

Oh, and I can give hM a present from me & my dog.

Also, Dennis Kucinich is a crap weasel. His video is a crap weasel, too. (Thanks, J)


posted by Harvey at 11:09:13 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


I always thought Kermit the Frog was the world's greatest banjo player, but it seems that I was mistaken.

It's actually Steve from Little Tiny Lies. And he has audio proof.

Whaddya think, Lynn?


posted by Harvey at 7:10:18 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


I actually had a few seconds to peruse my referrer logs, and noticed one that I'd never seen before:

A cute little bloggerette from the SF Bay area.

Now, I poked around at the site & googled it a bit, but for the life of me, I can't figure out how you can get from her place to mine. But on the bright side, I DID discover that her jacket has, uh, been places.

Very incredibly not safe for work, and there's something for ladies, gents, and even Trey.


posted by Harvey at 7:01:38 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


1) Look at this bumper sticker at Trey’s place.

2) Tilt your head like Nipper the RCA dog as you try to decipher its meaning

3) Hold your mouse pointer over the picture and read the alt text

4) Snicker maliciously

5) Leave one of these in Trey’s comments :-)

posted by Harvey at 6:45:54 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


I try to be nice, I really do. I even censor when I use bad words on my site (sort of), and I would never be rude enough to troll someone's site. I was even polite to the League of Liberals when I visited.

I went to Kucinich's web site, and saw the video that everyone's talking about, and that I finally clicked through from Matt O'Blackfive's place. My jaw actually dropped & my mouth hung open - it was THAT unbelievable. I am LITERALLY shaking with rage at this. And I sent Kucinich a note:


You miserable, degenerate piece of shit. You have no fucking shame. That video is the most pathetic piece of crap I've ever seen in my life. Go fuck yourself.

Harvey Olson


I'd rather watch video of Palestinians dancing in the streets after 9/11. At least they're honest.


posted by Harvey at 7:06:56 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Monday, December 08, 2003


I'm going to be a judge in the King of the Blogs contest, and will be nosing around at the following blogs at random, unannounced moments, peeping into private lives and unaware musings:

(the current King)


(Feeble pretenders to the throne.)

Blather Review
Clarity Admidst Chaos
Judicious Asininity
Vigilance Matters

We'll see how it goes. MUAHAHAHA!

posted by Harvey at 10:12:14 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


I was actually bored again at work, and checked my referrer logs. I found out I've been blogrolled by Blogbandit. Scrolling around, I found this excellent visual that ought to be tattooed onto the forehead of every single squish-brained freak who says we should "get over" Sept. 11th.

On the lighter side, if you'll forgive a little cat-blogging, I found a link to, where you can find the cutest kitty pictures ever posted on the internet.

OOOOH! Pirate Kitty!


posted by Harvey at 9:36:55 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore... my face should be among them.


posted by Harvey at 9:22:40 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


November 2, 2005: One year after Hillary lost the Presidential race in the first unanimous electoral college vote since George Washington was elected (due in part to her now-infamous "Of COURSE I'm a lesbian" speech), and 6 months after the bitter divorce proceedings ended, Bill Clinton, once the most powerful man in the world, was reduced to rubber-stamping currency for piece-rate wages.

Oddly, no one felt his pain.


posted by Harvey at 9:20:11 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Poor Susie's been having a bad day. Stupid high-school kids acting like liberals with their bickering & thieving, making her life hell. I wonder what's in HER happy place?

Matty O'Blackfive has a piece I've been meaning to link for a while. It's an e-mail from someone who actually attended the President's Thanksgiving appearance (Tears of Joy Hanky Alert):


Soldiers were hollering, cheering, and a lot of them were crying. There was not a dry eye at my table. When he stepped up to the cheering, I could clearly see tears running down his cheeks. It was the most surreal moment I've had in years. Not since my wedding and Aaron being born. Here was this man, our President, came all the way around the world, spending 17 hours on an airplane and landing in the most dangerous airport in the world, where a plane was shot out of the sky not six days before.

Just to spend two hours with his troops. Only to get on a plane and spend another 17 hours flying back.


Poor Kevin  of Eckernet still has that "real-life" thingy kicking his ass, but he STILL managed to vote. I rooted around in his archives a bit, and found this little piece of happiness from before the Iraq war. Drink Alert in effect. Individual entry permalinks not working, so click the link and CTRL+F "weather".

Physics Geek has gone Christmas to the hilt at his place. Red & green shit everywhere, plus TONS of Christmas humor, most of which, oddly, has not yet arrived in my inbox via "million times forwarded" e-mails. Right now, I'm liking "Santa answers his mail honestly" the best. For example:


Deer Santa,
 I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud
 boy all yeer.
 Yer Frend,
 Dear Billy,
 Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.
 How about I send you a [f******] book so you can learn to read and
 write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE
 can spell!

 Dear Santa,
 I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
 peace and joy in the world for everybody!

 Dear Sarah,
 You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?



posted by Harvey at 9:04:10 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


<P><A href="">IMAO</A> (550 links) - 3517 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Anti-Idiotarian Rotweiler</A> (494 links) - 2941 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love</A> (230 links) - 1382 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Flying Chair</A> (120 links) - 1159 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Anger Management</A> (136 links) - 483 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Simon World</A> (69 links) - 403 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Patriot Paradox</A> (123 links) - 279 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">GS-7</A> (44 links) - 245 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">The Inscrutable American</A> (100 links) - 244 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Ramblings of Silver Blue</A> (138 links) - 218 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Bad Money</A> (146 links) - 215 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Practical Penumbra</A> (229 links) - 194 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">The Alliance</A> (164 links) - 188 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">the evangelical outpost</A> (125 links) - 183 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Being American in T.O.</A> (87 links) - 164 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Who Tends The Fires</A> (106 links) - 105 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Pardon My English</A> (90 links) - 102 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">An Englishman's Castle</A> (59 links) - 94 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">BigStick</A> (67 links) - 85 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">The S-Train Canvass</A> (62 links) - 79 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">physics geek</A> (69 links) - 74 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Idiot Villager</A> (53 links) - 70 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Frizzen Sparks</A> (55 links) - 68 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Left Coast Conservative</A> (139 links) - 64 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">From the Halls to the Shores</A> (68 links) - 57 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">The Everlasting Phelps</A> (65 links) - 56 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">TacJammer</A> (86 links) - 54 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">VRWC, Inc.</A> (90 links) - 49 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">The Patriette</A> (84 links) - 47 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Semi-Intelligent Thoughts</A> (68 links) - 44 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Wince and Nod</A> (83 links) - 39 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">BLATHER REVIEW</A> (81 links) - 39 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Five Wasps</A> (52 links) - 38 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Civilization Calls</A> (51 links) - 38 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">curi's domain</A> (57 links) - 37 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Grim's Hall</A> (52 links) - 29 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Cavalier Attitude</A> (43 links) - 29 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">CandyUniverse</A> (84 links) - 28 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">The Gleeful Extremist</A> (45 links) - 27 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Elegance Against Ignorance</A> (67 links) - 22 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Hypocrisy and Hypotheses</A> (59 links) - 22 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">All Encompassingly</A> (59 links) - 21 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Hoppings of Roxette Bunny</A> (58 links) - 21 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Irreconcilable Musings</A> (54 links) - 18 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Shameless Self-Promotion</A> (49 links) - 14 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Newmanisms</A> (53 links) - 11 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Cannon's Canon</A> (54 links) - 10 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Pinto's Blog</A> (37 links) - 7 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Interested-Participant</A> (106 links) - visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""></A> (54 links) - visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""> Political Commentary</A> (117 links) - visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">The New American Revolutionist</A> (51 links) - visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT></P>

posted by Harvey at 7:51:50 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


IMAO (550 links) - 3517 visits/day V
Anti-Idiotarian Rotweiler (494 links) - 2941 visits/day V
Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love (230 links) - 1382 visits/day V
Flying Chair (120 links) - 1159 visits/day V
Anger Management (136 links) - 483 visits/day V
Simon World (69 links) - 403 visits/day V
Patriot Paradox (123 links) - 279 visits/day V
GS-7 (44 links) - 245 visits/day V
The Inscrutable American (100 links) - 244 visits/day V
Ramblings of Silver Blue (138 links) - 218 visits/day V
Bad Money (146 links) - 215 visits/day V
Practical Penumbra (229 links) - 194 visits/day V
The Alliance (164 links) - 188 visits/day V
the evangelical outpost (125 links) - 183 visits/day V
Being American in T.O. (87 links) - 164 visits/day V
Who Tends The Fires (106 links) - 105 visits/day V
Pardon My English (90 links) - 102 visits/day V
An Englishman's Castle (59 links) - 94 visits/day V
BigStick (67 links) - 85 visits/day V
The S-Train Canvass (62 links) - 79 visits/day V
physics geek (69 links) - 74 visits/day V
Idiot Villager (53 links) - 70 visits/day V
Frizzen Sparks (55 links) - 68 visits/day V
Left Coast Conservative (139 links) - 64 visits/day V
From the Halls to the Shores (68 links) - 57 visits/day V
The Everlasting Phelps (65 links) - 56 visits/day V
TacJammer (86 links) - 54 visits/day V
VRWC, Inc. (90 links) - 49 visits/day V
The Patriette (84 links) - 47 visits/day V
Semi-Intelligent Thoughts (68 links) - 44 visits/day V
Wince and Nod (83 links) - 39 visits/day V
BLATHER REVIEW (81 links) - 39 visits/day V
Five Wasps (52 links) - 38 visits/day V
Civilization Calls (51 links) - 38 visits/day V
curi's domain (57 links) - 37 visits/day V
Grim's Hall (52 links) - 29 visits/day V
Cavalier Attitude (43 links) - 29 visits/day V
CandyUniverse (84 links) - 28 visits/day V
The Gleeful Extremist (45 links) - 27 visits/day V
Elegance Against Ignorance (67 links) - 22 visits/day V
Hypocrisy and Hypotheses (59 links) - 22 visits/day V
All Encompassingly (59 links) - 21 visits/day V
Hoppings of Roxette Bunny (58 links) - 21 visits/day V
Irreconcilable Musings (54 links) - 18 visits/day V
Shameless Self-Promotion (49 links) - 14 visits/day V
Newmanisms (53 links) - 11 visits/day V
Cannon's Canon (54 links) - 10 visits/day V
Pinto's Blog (37 links) - 7 visits/day V
Interested-Participant (106 links) - visits/day V (54 links) - visits/day V Political Commentary (117 links) - visits/day V
The New American Revolutionist (51 links) - visits/day V


posted by Harvey at 7:49:35 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Dana's a babe EVERY week.

It needed to be said.


posted by Harvey at 7:07:07 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Because I looked at Madfish Willie's collection of the best sexy, smutty, hot & heavy posts from around the blogosphere, and right at the end, I saw Helen blogging nekkid!


So, Susie, name your price for posing similarly...


posted by Harvey at 7:05:02 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Lynn points to LeeAnn who answers as follows:

Today my happy place is full of assault rifles and bell towers and laser sights.

Yup, I can relate.

I went to my office Christmas party Saturday night. Instead of hanging out in the blogosphere with all the smart cookies, I was stuck in the presence of the crumbs. I really resent having to make small talk with stupid people. It makes my brain all sad and hurty. So I went to my happy place while I was at the party, and while everyone else was chatting merrily about such dire and weighty topics as whether McDonald's french fries aren't as good as they used to be, I was taking inventory:

Louisville Slugger – check

Brass knuckles – check

Ka-Bar – check

Pliers (never can tell when someone might need dental work) – check

Straight Razor (hag queen who organized the party needs a haircut) – check

Cigar Cutter (hag queen needs to listen while I make a few points (CTRL+F “cigar”)) – check

Scissors (you can never have too many pointy objects) – check

Hammer (this little piggy went to market) - check


There, that should about do it…


…Whoops! Almost forgot the..




I feel better now.


posted by Harvey at 12:04:20 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Sunday, December 07, 2003


Via Carnival of the Vanities #63, I found The Inscrutable American bringing up an excellent point about the crappy, tryrant-ruled parts of the world that I'd never considered before. They live with stupid ideas because they can't read:


Far too often, we who read the uncensored and legal press forget that the vast majority of this planet does not have access to this vital resource. This is caused by two factors: the prevalence of illiteracy and the abscence of freedom. These two causes are intimately connected, and the root cause is the abscence of freedom, for no free people allows itself to be illiterate. Many nations where illiteracy is present, however, deny their citizens the right to read what they choose. Literacy is useless without freedom of the press.


Having had a library card since I was 5, I tend to take my literacy for granted, just as I rarely stop to consider whether my lungs are drawing air. But now that I hear it mentioned, I have to agree. Before we can teach them to think, we need to teach them how to read.


posted by Harvey at 11:33:28 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



True is the word of your eyes

Beauty is the beating of your heart

Love is the smile on your face

Desire is the touch of your hand


posted by Harvey at 11:21:41 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Evil Glenn brand Puppy Shakes - on sale at Wal-Mart: 3 for $1

Now available in new low-calorie formula, too. Mix and match, limit 3 per customer.

posted by Harvey at 11:18:54 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Friends, this is how to cover your blog-buddies. I just got this e-mail from Physics Geek:


Cast your votes this week. For helpful reminders I've included the following links. YMMV:
dangerous liberty posts about Al Franken
 Vegan Marshmellows from Ripe Bananas.


That's all there is to it. He e-mailed that to his 4 blog-buddies really quick & got on with his life. Fast, simple, direct.

Have you nudged your blog-buddies yet?


posted by Harvey at 7:38:32 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


So Joey's question of the week is (Dec 2 CTRL+F "cheating"):

What steps should the Alliance of Free Blogs take to seek and destroy those cheating bastards the League of Liberals?

Well it seems that the League of Liberals is holding a poll to see if they should commit collective virtual suicide.

Encourage them.

Yes, I'm completely serious.


posted by Harvey at 7:01:49 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Lori & Maripat of Right We Are, a charming blog of nice right wing ladies, are closing up shop. Lori has a personal blog called Downtown Chick Chat. I'm gonna miss those gals. They had the best cheesecake...

(Hat tip to Frizzen Sparks for the news flash)


posted by Harvey at 6:47:23 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


It's at American Digest, and it's a visual. All I can say is, I REALLY hope that's his hand.


posted by Harvey at 6:32:08 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Not me. I've already got $87 billion. But for those with time, a hatred of Democrats, and moderate graphical manipulation abilities, Vanderleun of American Digest is offering a $50 prize for the best photoshopping of the New York Times displays of Democratic candidate posters.

Since the posters are hosted at the New York Times site, annoying but free registration is required to peep. I haven't noticed any increase in my spam flow, so it's pretty safe.

Besides, you've got to see how offensive the original Carol Mostly Brown [sp. -5] poster is. Red, white, & blue? For that Constitution-hating socialist bitch? F*** her.


posted by Harvey at 6:05:25 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


I love Mike the Marine's thoughts on this:


And so we find ourselves here, two years after our second “day of infamy,” looking back at the first one, and making comparisons. Why did we get hit on September 11th, 2001? For the same reasons that we got hit on December 7th, 1941. We were not respected. Our enemies are long on anger and short on memory. And not a one of them is half as intelligent as Yamamoto or deserves the respect accorded Yamamoto. But their fates will be the same as Yamamoto. They still think they have a chance to win. They still are under the delusion that victory is attainable. They don’t know about karma.


Hmph! And he was hesitant to start blogging. I really wanna kick this guy for not starting sooner. I just gotta make sure not to damage any of his typing fingers in the process.

Go read the rest while his permalinks are still working.


posted by Harvey at 5:47:18 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Saturday, December 06, 2003


I've been married almost 5 years. No kids & no plans for any (knocking on nearby piece of wood). Don't get me wrong - children are a joy... if they're someone else's & you can give them back when you're doing goofing around with them. Mostly I just want to avoid being able to create a list like the following:


"The dog does not need you to pick her nose for her, I don't care what you may need for your booger collection."

"Mixing apple sauce with milk will not make apple cider. Don't make a mess like this again."

"If you really want to be a butterfly when you grow up I guess there's nothing I can do to stop you."

"Unlock the door and let mommy in. Just do the opposite of what you just did. Yes, up is the opposite of down - very good. Yes, I know, big and small are opposites. Guess what else are opposites? Happy and angry - now unlock the door and let me back inside!"

"I said they are nuggets, not Muppets - now eat!"

"Remember that day the kids all took a nap at the same time?" "Yes - it was July 16th."

"Isn't it ironic that we had kids because we got drunk and now we get drunk because we have kids?"


Plenty more where that came from, and it's Dec 4, CTRL+F "parenting" if the permalinks are hosed.

(Found via Steve of Little Tiny Lies)


posted by Harvey at 4:03:12 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


I was on board an aircraft carrier for 4 years. Although I didn't work with the air crew (I just stood behind them in chow lines all the time), I'm somewhat familiar with the cocky attitude of fighter pilots. Actually, I picked up most of what I know from watching Top Gun and reading "The Right Stuff", but I digress.

The point is that Sparkey posted a list of 31 things about fighter pilots at Sgt. Stryker's Daily Briefing. A few are a little too inside for me, but most of them are just plain old LOL:


  1. Remember that the radio is only an electronic suggestion box for the pilot. Sometimes the only way to clear up a problem is to turn it off.

  2. It is a tacit, yet profound admission of the pre-eminence of flying in the hierarchy of the human spirit, that those who seek to control aviators via threats always threaten to take one's wings and not one's life.

  3. Remember when flying low and inverted that the rudder still works the same old way but hopefully your IP never taught you "pull stick back, plane go up".

  4. Mastering the prohibited maneuvers in the dash-1 is one of the best forms of aviation life insurance you can get.

  5. A tactic done twice is a procedure. (Refer to unpredictability discussion above.)


Well, my stupid software re-numbered them. Those are actually 22-26. Go read the rest anyway.

And I'm dedicating this one to my Blogless Friend Kevin, who has a private pilot's license, and would've made a great fighter pilot.


posted by Harvey at 3:56:43 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Yes, it's true, Wal-Mart is coming out with it's own line of wines. Gramugus of Frizzen Sparks posts the list of the 12 varieties that will be available:


12. Chateau Traileur Parc

11. White Trashfindel

10. Big Red Gulp

9. Grape Expectations


Ok, it's not true, but I STILL really loved #1.



posted by Harvey at 3:46:58 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


I never knew J of Quibbles & Bits was a Southerner (I thought he just played one on TV), but he must be, because he knows how it's done Southern-Style:


If you've ever had sex on a tractor, y'all might be a Rural-sex'yal.

If the only thing you ever run through your hair is yore fingers, y'all might be a Rural-sex'yal.

If'n yore a man, and you like women, y'all might be a Rural-sex'yal.

If'n yore a woman, and you like men, y'all might be a Rural-sex'yal.

If your bed squeaks every time you're lovin’ on your spouse (you yankees call it havin' sex), y'all might be a Rural-sex'yal.

If you like the squeak, y'all might be a Rural-sex'yal.

If your kids know about the squeak, and laugh every time they hear it, and you laugh, too, y'all are a Rural-sex'yal.


There's more.

"...Beer cooler by the bed..." Heh.

At some point soon, I'm expecting Trey to do a list on Gay Objectivists entitled "How to tell if you're an Objectomosexual".

"If you've ever thought that Howard Roark & Gail Wynand had a thing going, you might be..."


posted by Harvey at 3:34:45 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Dana of Note-It Posts, who by the way, was chosen as America's #1 pin-up girl because of her pretty smile, and NOT because of her boobies, as some bitter Feminists would have you believe (not that those ain't a mighty fine pair), has a Top Eight list of ways to decorate for Christmas, including:


8. Instead of investing in one of those light-up wire deer, just go out in the woods and shoot your own. Prop it up with sticks, shine a spotlight on it, and call it good.
7. Argyle sock wreath - braid together all the crappy socks (ties, scarves, etc.) that you've received over the year, wrap a satin bow around it, and slap it on the door.
6. One for the men and women in Iraq and Afghanistan: string spent shell casings together and hang them from the corner of the tent - just like jingle bells!


#4 & #1 are priceless, but you'll have to go to Dana's place to see them.

And why top 8 instead of top 10? Hell if I know. YOU ask her. I'm afraid.

posted by Harvey at 3:23:12 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


First the Filthy Lie Round-Up is available for your viewing pleasure. Bewared of SilverBlue's frightening discovery.

And Graumagus of Frizzen Sparks is rolling along in fine form:


I was taking my eldest childerbeast to see the jolly red fat man (Santa, not Ted Kennedy during $.25 draft PBR night) when my boy suddenly stopped with a wide eyed stare.

"Daddy... I feel.. cold... death... evil..."

"Well we ARE at the mall during christmas season son... wait I smell... SHIT! go to mom NOW! She's right over there at the aqua-massage machine. Off ya go..." After I made sure my son made it to safety, I turned slowly around, the stench of old puppy ichor overpowering the smell of cinnibon and starbucks.

Then I started laughing so hard I almost pissed myself. There was Glenn, dressed like a giant candycane with a posterboard sign saying "Photos with Santa! Noon to Five!" He attempted to glare at me, then gave out a resigned sigh. This was not the evil internet overlord I knew and despised.

"Yes. Mock me. I have it coming I guess... (sigh)", he said, "If I didn't need the money I'd rip your spine out, but since I'm destitute I cannot."


Even the Bartender has a frightening image to scar your eyeballs (although I'm still not sure how Glenn makes money doing that)

Now there's a new assignment, based on the suspicion that it was an Instapundit reader comment which 1) caused comments to be turned off and 2) triggered Glenn's slide into a life of evil:

What was that final comment that made Evil Glenn snap?

Time to probe the Google cache to discover the filthy lie truth.

posted by Harvey at 3:12:38 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Somewhere at this link is a picture of me at Madfish Willie's. See if you can find it.


posted by Harvey at 1:15:51 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Kevin of Wizbang is probably one of the nicest guys I know. Although he runs maybe half a million different blogs, including a sports blog and a tech blog, he still somehow manages to find the time to mock my really crappy posts, and to help blend puppies for the Evil Dark Overlord of the Blogosphere.

And now he's done one of the most thoughtful things I've ever seen. He's gone an compiled a list of 19 bloggers I'll never be funnier than. A list I keep alluding to, but never actually took the time to compile. I'm finding this list very helpful. I knew about Don & Frank, and Scrappleface goes without saying,  but some of the others I've never even heard of, and I never would have known about how desperately unfunny they make me look if it wasn't for Kevin's help.

How to repay him.... hmmm....

I'm thinking money.

Thanks for pressing on with the 2003 Blogger Awards, Kevin.


posted by Harvey at 7:07:48 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Ok, ladies, I've got your boobies covered, but now I'd like to give you some help with one of my other favorite areas - your butt.

Since my hands are busy right now, I have to find another method of upliftment, and you have your choice:

Regular or extra-strength.

(via Lynn & Matt, respectively)


posted by Harvey at 6:46:17 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



Your voice makes me tremble inside

And your smile is an invitation

For my imagination to go wild


posted by Harvey at 6:34:44 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Obviously, the woman who wrote this is still single, because when you ask a woman to name a room in her house where she performs an unpleasant chore and which contains a large, noisy, smelly vibrating machine, the married ones usually answer "bedroom".



posted by Harvey at 6:33:12 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Friday, December 05, 2003


The poor girl is feeling a little lonely lately, and it's gotten to her. Must be that holiday season depression that seems to strike so many people. She was doing a nice post welcoming Mike the Marine to the blogosphere, and then was overtaken by sobs as she wailed piteously about the lack of comments on her site.

Stop by & give her a hanky.

Or stop by to enjoy yet another episode in this week's unstoppable cascade of penile posting.


posted by Harvey at 5:46:52 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []




I tried getting ahold of Evil Glenn to find out what his new part-time job was. You know, the one he need so he can afford to cover his new girlfriend's cheeseburger bill?


Well his phone's been busy all week, so I couldn't talk to him. So I did a little Googling to see if I could learn something.


It didn't take long to hit paydirt. Given his other recent money-making scheme, I probably shouldn't have been too surprised.


I think it might also explain why his phone's been busy. He's probably been taking orders for his new product line.


What is it, you ask? Well, let's just say that Evil Glenn's been selling a new line of *ahem* action figures.

(tip of the hat to Alliance Deep Cover Agent, Code Name: Jen for betraying the secret)


posted by Harvey at 5:15:20 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Does anyone know of a free comment service for use with a Blogspot blog that lets you edit comments? Being able to edit/delete/ban trolls is a concern.


posted by Harvey at 7:48:07 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Joey of Single White Male was kind enough to scope out a nice retirement property for me. From the description at the link he posted, the place already pretty much screams "Harv". (Dec 1, CTRL+F "Kansas")


posted by Harvey at 7:28:55 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


The Bear announces a new group to join in the New Blog Showcase sponsorship game. The Liberal Coalition is composed of those heretics from General Douchbaggery who want to distance themselves from the now-tainted-by-scandal name.

The bad news is that they only have 7 members, so they'll be tough to beat. The good news is that the Bear is still taking input on minimum alliance size for joining the Sponsorship Challenge. Go throw your 2 cents in.


posted by Harvey at 7:08:56 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Thursday, December 04, 2003


Steven Den Beste of USS Clueless did his thrice annual blogroll shake-up, and Debbye of Being American in T.O. is one of the new blogrollees.

Debbye is a wonderful lady who I've had the privilege of working with as a fellow Alliance member. She's very supportive, gets her showcase votes in promptly, nudges her blog-buddies, and participates wittily and regularly on Alliance assignments, which I find especially nice because Filthy Lies are a such a departure from her regular theme of keeping an insightful eye on Canadian politics.

I'm happy for you Debbye, it couldn't have happened to a nicer girl :-)

Now I just need to talk you into getting comments enabled...


posted by Harvey at 11:58:00 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


By which I mean I have a lot of social obligations coming at me:

Tonight I'm having Guy Time with Blogless Brother Tom

Friday night I have Beloved Wife's office Xmas party.

Working Saturday morning.

MY office Xmas party Saturday night.

A Packers party to attend with Beloved Wife's co-workers on Sunday,... I'm exhausted just thinking about it. 

I'll blog what I can in the tiny spaces between.

Oh, and remember to let Dana know if you want to be blogrolled under her BloggersWithBoobies or I Support BloggersWithBoobies special listing. Leave a comment anywhere on her blog or just e-mail her, or give a trackback to this post.

Oh, and remind me to send the Bartender a list of my smutty posts for the Champagne Room.


posted by Harvey at 6:31:01 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


What UN resolution(s) would you like to see passed?

It's like playing "What if you were king of the world, but no one would listen to you?"

posted by Harvey at 6:11:58 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

PRECISION GUIDED HUMOR ROUND-UP... up at Alliance HQ. Most of the entries for the Donktionary were a little more snarky than funny, but SilverBlue had to get creative to disguise his closet liberalism, and wound up doing a damn fine job:


Anti-American: see Pro-French.

Appeasement: An apartment made of peas.

Bigotry: Reverse of littlotry.

Censorship: To cause the removal of all boats and seagoing vessels from media.


And Roxette took off to her own little planet (which is, no doubt, a fine place to be):


Anti-American: Anyone who doesn't love me.
Appeasement: People who love me to get in with Silver Blue.
Bigotry: People who don't like blue rabbits.
Censorship: What should happen to people who don't like blue rabbits.
Conservative: Those who like rabbits, but only of a certain color.
Diversity: Rabbits of every color.
Europe: An area of the world where rabbits won't visit.
Fox News: Rabbits don't like foxes, so there's no news there.


Oh, and my favorite line from Roxy:

Weapons of Mass Destruction: The Nuclear Carrot of Doom.


posted by Harvey at 6:09:31 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



Love comes quietly…

But you know when it is there

Because suddenly…

You are not alone anymore…

And there is no sadness in you.


posted by Harvey at 6:01:50 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


The other $48,999,999 is buried under the Big W.


posted by Harvey at 5:58:03 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


This from the New Blog Showcase: "Bestiality is a no-no" from Blown Fuse. It just grabs you from the start:


Okay, first things first, sex is something that two mutually consenting human beings should do in the privacy of their own home...behind closed doors...with the lights off...under the covers...with clothes on.


And it gets better from there.


posted by Harvey at 5:48:14 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Ok, I liked John Denver because he did that Muppets Christmas special. So I'm voting for Seppo's Provincial Posting's "When John Denver Died":


In the Karaoke bars of Asia there is a holy canon of Western artists you can always find no matter how decrepit the establishment. For the women, there’s Celine Dion, Madonna and Cyndi Lauper (no, really). For the men, there’s Sinatra, Elvis and John Denver. That mix has always perplexed me. I mean, Sinatra projects the pop-star fantasy and a bad Elvis impersonation is always good for a laugh, but John Denver?! What’s up with that? My Chinese buddy, Summer Hu, whose spoken English can barely locate him the toliet but who can nevertheless belt out a flawless, perfectly-accented version of Thank God I’m a Country Boy, answers this question: "Because he is easy to understand. And, very happy." (you gotta see his moon-pie face when he says that to really know what Summer means).


He reminded me in this beautiful eulogy (which I recommend in its entirety) that, although John Denver wasn't "cool", there was really nothing bad you can say about the man.


posted by Harvey at 5:40:52 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Coming this Sunday to a Cyber Saloon near you. Get your best smutty, sexy, dirty posts to the Bartender by Saturday noon. Late entries must be accompanied by porn spam.

I've been such a bad boy this week. I think I'm just going to submit my entire blog. Geez, did I have even one day where I didn't say something dirty?

By the way, Bartender, if you want this thing to take off, you should be posting Champagne Room pimping posts at your place on both Thursday & Friday. Folks got short memories. Probably from that methanol-laced bathtub gin you keep serving.



posted by Harvey at 5:26:25 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Via Beloved Wife, I found out that Chief Wiggles' toy drive for Iraqi kids got some coverage at the Fox News web site.


posted by Harvey at 2:41:17 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Dana of Note-It Posts, America's #1 pin-up girl, is a woman and damn proud of it. She will neither hide nor minimize that fact. Her femininity is part of who she is and everyone can just deal with it:


I will not be ashamed of my sexuality or my pride in my body, and that includes my boobies. I will not androgenize myself in an effort to be treated as an equal. It has been my experience that if you expect equal treatment, you will get it. I am female, and I have all the bits. I am not afraid or ashamed to mention them. Let's acknowledge human nature now for just a second: talking about tits is not going to make men think about them any MORE than they already do, and refraining from talking about them isn't going to make them think about them any LESS. People I respect still respect me, even after mentioning my mammary glands. That's what counts.


For other women bloggers who similarly revel in their womanhood, she has started BloggersWithBoobies: 


a badge of pride for all strong, self-assured female bloggers (like me) who refuse to be ashamed about their femininity. We're the anti-feminists.


Complete with an adorable logo which you can find at her site.

"But what about me?" I hear the men asking, "I like proud women, too! What can I do to help?"

Short of a sex-change operation, not much. It's a ladies-only thing.

But because I want to do what I can, I offer the little "supporters" logo in my sidebar. Feel free to copy and/or modify, but please host the image on your own image server.

Just my way of celebrating the beautifully-boobed bloggerettes that make my life so wonderful.


(hat tip to SilverBlue for the original picture) 


posted by Harvey at 11:57:12 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Because I thought the philosophical banter portion of Don's post was freakin' hilarious:


“Have you ever let a girl tie you up?” she said.

“No,” I said. She slid my hands behind the bedpost and pulled my belt around them. She began kissing my neck, then down to my chest, then my stomach. Then she stood up.

“You know what I’d really like to do to you, Don from Anger Management?”

“What?” I said, barely able to speak.

“I’d like to quiz you on various interpretations of Hegel’s Absolute. In particular, the use of this concept to justify totalitarianism, especially of the Marxian vein.”


Paris smiled. “Oh, come on Don. You’re a philosophy buff.”

“Yeah, but…”

“But what? Oh, right. I’m supposed to be some rich bimbo who doesn’t know her ass from a hole in the ground. And here I am spouting off about Idealism, Materialism, and other arcane philosophical concepts. Now, if I were an Objectivist like you, I would tell you to check your premises. I would say contradictions can’t exist, and therefore one of your premises – that I am dumb, or that I am knowledgeable about philosophy – is wrong and that you must, in the name of reason, reject one of them.”


“But I’m not an Objectivist,” Paris said. “I’m a proponent of dialectical materialism, and thereby purposely embrace contradictions rather than renounce them.”


The rest of it is just dirty, but that's ok, too.


posted by Harvey at 10:00:58 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


No not this.

It's my term for when someone says something (whether innocent or suggestive), and I get a fast mental image of a sexually-charged scenario that I quickly banish from my thoughts so I can get back to focussing on the task at hand.

Yes, this happens to me a lot.


posted by Harvey at 9:53:35 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Over at Lynn's place. Just look. It's beautiful.


posted by Harvey at 9:45:08 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


So Susie FINALLY posted a picture of herself. I've always been a little nervous about that. I mean, what if she actually looked like Helen Thomas or something?

But it's all there, just the way I imagined it. Long dark hair with that slightly toussled, post-coital look. Those sleepy-sexy half-lidded eyes. And that outfit.... oooohhhhhh BABY! Short, Short, SHORT black skirt (not quite "fanservice", but VERY close). Not to mention that font-celebrating bustier...

If you'll excuse me, I have to... be alone for a while...


UPDATE 1:50 PM CST: Having taken great offense at the Helen Thomas remark, Susie has provided me with photographic evidence of her charms. I hereby aplogize for using the H**** T***** word, and will now retire for a little "private meditation" on the image.

No, I'm not going to post it. Rumor has it that it's somewhere on the internet, so you can just go find it for yourself, or ask Susie.


posted by Harvey at 9:09:05 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Frank J has a guide to liberals including:


* Liberals are always trying to save the environment because they are apparently dependent on it. If you want to kill all liberals, destroy the environment.

* Even if you satisfy liberals’ demands, they'll come up with new thing to complain about that you could never even imagine; they’re just that creative. That creativity is put towards much better use as forced labor in a coal mine.

* Liberals are always whining about tolerance, but, when I punch them for that, they get moody. Hey, be tolerant!

* You can tell if someone is a liberal by extracting some blood and seeing if it reacts violently to fire.


Heh. Blogless Brother Tom knows ALL about that last one.


posted by Harvey at 8:45:42 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


The smartest woman in the blogosphere (Lynn of Reflections in d minor) finally, Finally, FINALLY got COMMENTS enabled on her blog! And her address has changed a little, so be sure to update your bookmarks.

Boy, I can't wait to start leaving "howdys" :-)

note to self: leave dirty mind at home. Lynn is a good girl.


posted by Harvey at 8:17:10 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Wednesday, December 03, 2003



So you’ve spent the last few years as a comment… whatever the opposite of “troll” is…, but now you’ve decided to take the plunge and start a blog of your own, and you’re concerned about how to make a go of it.


Sure, all the bloggers whose sites you’ve left comments on SAY they love you, but now that you’re “the competition”, how do you get attention from these now-ungrateful-swine, who suddenly refuse to link even your most brilliantly witty entries?


Brother, I feel your pain. I was once a pathetic microbe of a Blogspotling myself, and it hurts me to see you suffer like that. So I’m offering some of my best helpful hints on how to become a world-famous blogger.


1) Link to Bad Money EVERY DAY!

2) Write about how large and scrumptious your breasts are

3) Bonus points for using the phrase “man-boobs

4) Punch Frank J.

5) Sing a little song

6) Sing a bigger song

7) Celebrate your Inner Hoover

8) Celebrate other people’s Inner Hoover

9) Get really drunk

10) Get other people really drunk

11) Become one with your banjo

12) Get really pissed off

13) No, seriously

14) mmmm… gun porn

15) Just keep writing

16) and writing, and writing, and writing…

17) Don’t worry, be gay happy

18) Make Stephen King look like Mr. Rogers

19) Ask a silly question…

20) Be a Retrosexual

21) General Douchebaggery

22) Would you shut up about the virtues of Macintosh, already?

23) Post other people’s comics

24) Post your own comics

25) Don’t forget about sex bracelets

26) Be a good American

27) Quality photography is always appreciated

28) Get your buddies in the military to lend a hand

29) Tell a few little lies

30) Tell a freakin’ assload of lies

31) One blog to rule them all, one blog to find them, one blog to bring them all, and in the darkness, bind them.

32) Don’t forget to link Bad Money


Just follow these little tips, and someday, if you work REALLY, REALLY hard, you might even end up as First Loser.


Good Luck!


posted by Harvey at 11:58:28 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



Each night when the day is through,

I don't ask much, I just want you.


posted by Harvey at 10:44:01 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


"Well," thought Bill Clinton to himself, "technically, stuffing this into an exotic dancer's g-string wouldn't meet the precise definition of spending..."


posted by Harvey at 10:42:10 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Mike the Marine. Who is he? Where is he from? Does he have working e-mail address somewhere? Is he just a disembodied cybervirus that haunts the blogosphere, leaving random, intelligent, well-thought out comments at people's blogs?

I have no freaking clue.

But we may finally get some answers, because everyone's favorite comment... whatever the opposite of "troll" is... FINALLY kicks out the doors of his very own blog and comes charging out, guns a-blazin'!

Well,... actually the first post is more of a timid "Hi folks, I've got a blog... so... now what?" but ya gotta start somewhere.

Anyway, I'm beaming with pride because Mike credits me, among others, with "the latest push" that sent him over the edge. Y'all can buy me a beer for that one.

Now, I have no idea what to expect. It could be the greatest thing since Bill Whittle. It could be the stupidest thing since Madfish Willie's Dumb Ass Kang A. Roo jokes. But having read Mike's last non-blog offering over at BigStick.US, I'm betting heavily on the former. And I'm blogrolling him.

Welcome to the 'sphere, Mike.


posted by Harvey at 8:43:21 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


For the record, this is just something forwarded to me by Beloved Wife. No Olson cats were harmed in the making of this picture.


   What do you do when you have:


        -time to spare          

        -a knife

        -a lime          

        -a cooperative cat          

        -a camera 

       ...and you're a Packer fan?


For God's sake, don't do this!


posted by Harvey at 5:16:08 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


I can't say it any better than Matty O'Blackfive, so I shan't try:


Campbell's is donating a can of soup (up to 5 million cans!) to the needy for every person that goes to their site and votes for their favorite NFL team. Go to this site and it is right there, and it's very easy to do.

It will only take a few seconds of your time to fill some empty stomachs with warm soup this winter.


Last I checked, the Packers were ahead of the Chiefs by about 320,000 to 280,000. Out of deference to Matt, I'm not going to mention how the Bears are doing.


posted by Harvey at 3:44:54 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


I found this delightful bit of gratuituous French-bashing over at Curi's Domain. 15 seconds & a guaranteed smile.


posted by Harvey at 2:54:08 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Linus of Pepper of the Earth, who I voted for in the New Blog Showcase a while back, is a total class act. He actually sent me a nice e-mail to thank me for voting for him.


Well, I don't really have an open slot on the blogroll right now (which is Don's fault for not staying retired, apparently because he needs money, which I gave him, so maybe he'll go away again now), but I can tell you that there is a good reason to visit: the Merriment section of Pepper's blogroll, where, amongst other goodies, you will find 2 beautiful flash time wasters:

virtual bubble wrap


perpetual bubble wrap

Good for the OCD bubble-wrap-popper in all of us. Be sure to check the "manic mode" box when trying the virtual bubble wrap.

Oh, and be sure to find out why Linus said the following:

chickens are actually fruit, since you have to peel them to get at the good part


posted by Harvey at 2:19:15 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


J of Quibbles & Bits is buying me a beer. Just wondering if you ladies would like to... uh... help me drink it? See his comments for details.


posted by Harvey at 11:43:48 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


... I really don't. Kermit the Frog played a banjo, and he's my boyhood idol. Nevertheless, I found these jokes at GEBIV's place amusing.

Please don't hate me, Lynn.



posted by Harvey at 11:13:49 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


America's #1 pin-up girl takes issue with the de-sexification of the American female:


I do not take my sense of self-worth from the opinions of others (either positive or negative), but from my knowledge that I have worth, I have purpose, I have strength, I have intelligence, and yes - I have boobies. If you are one of the people who thinks women debase themselves by any mention of their bodies or anything sexual, then this is not the place for you.


And she's also absolutely right that nothing she says will make men think about boobies more often then they already do. I mean, how do you get more often than "constantly"?


posted by Harvey at 8:35:32 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Tuesday, December 02, 2003


...but that doesn't make me a bad person. Maybe more of a Retrosexual.

Just for the record, Graumagus, I don't think men should wear "outfits", even if they are camouflage.


posted by Harvey at 10:37:22 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Ok, no actual prizes lined up, yet, but Kevin of Wizbang is taking nominations for the 2003 Weblog Awards. Lots of categories, and they're not all full yet. Get your nominations in while there's still time.


posted by Harvey at 10:20:32 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


...what it takes to make America's #1 pin-up girl say "Yes!!! YES YES YES YES!!!!!"

Let's just say I found out.

mmmm.... happy Dana.


posted by Harvey at 10:13:07 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


Susie's been complaining about how she desperately needs good breast support. Being a gentleman, and hating to see a lady suffer (unless it's by request), I immediately did what I could to be "supportive" in her hour of need.

Susie was kind enough to Photoshop most of me out of the picture in order to help preserve my semi-anonymity and give me plausable deniability with Beloved Wife.


posted by Harvey at 10:09:26 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


...ever since he made "Bowling for Columbine". Now J of Quibbles & Bits takes Michael Moore to his just reward in the afterlife:


He was dead. He knew it. He had seen it coming. It was the third slider that did him in.

“White Castle,” he muttered, “After all those burgers! How could you do this to me?”

He had choked on the third slider, the third of those delectable little onion flavored burger. He had expired, leaving 147 sliders still hot in the bag. The good people of White Castle had tried to save him, tried to wrap their arms around his pudgy middle for a Heimlich or two, but they had been unable to surround that mass and free the stuck slider.

And so, Michael Moore had died.

He lay on his back. He could feel hot asphalt against his bare, moist skin. The sky was black, but heat mercilessly beat at him. A hot breeze carried the smell of sulfur and brimstone.

“Crap,” Michael Moore said, “I’m in Hell. George Bush must’ve pulled a few strings.”


MUAHAHAHAHA! Go read the whole thing and be filled with malicious glee.


posted by Harvey at 9:53:58 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



Ok, so the League of Liberals, or, more specifically, a member thereof, was trying to game the Ecosystem to make himself look better. Now there's some controversy over some bloggers getting double-counted in the voting.


Although I can certainly see why people would be upset at the perception of unfairness, I don't think it's really all that important. Maybe I'm alone in this, but I honestly don't care which entry wins the New Blog Showcase. If it's the LoL pick of the week, fine. For me, the big thing is the SPONSORSHIP that matters. I just want to see the Alliance banner back on top of the Showcase page.


I'll be frank. I DETEST the League of Liberals, but NOT because of some possible voting chicanery. I find them repugnant because of who they are, what they stand for, and what they say. You want to know why the LoL needs beating? Because they spout garbage like this:


"George W. Bush's entire presidency is little more than an acting-out of his own unresolved Oedipal conflicts." Even if his desires to defeat his father and win his mother are subconscious to him, they are painfully obvious to many others.


If you peel away American susceptibility to phony "heroes" like Bush, you find lurking at a subconscious level some regressive, oppressive, even fearful memes about masculinity.


Looking at central and south America, it's hard to find a nation that the United States has not invaded, or overthrown it's government.


No American public figure since Sherman has left so much scorched earth to be revived and nurtured back to health as has this president. In virtually every area of foreign and domestic policy, the next president will find a deliberate ruin, a wasteland of debt, corporate pork, deceit, abrogated treaties, sabotaged negotiations, bribed and coerced officials, compromised "science", ignored and eviscerated regulations, starved regulatory bodies, extreme right wing religious influence in the judiciary and legislative branches, unsupportable tax laws, oppressive military spending, police state powers that threaten the legitimate government itself, and a public media owned and operated for the benefit of the wealthiest and most conservative forces in American society.


Bush sneaks in and out of Baghdad airport in 2 hours under cover of darkness unlike some Presidents we remember


Bush “loves” freedom like Michael Jackson “loves” children.



That kind of unadulterated pig excrement deserves NO honors, no matter how small. Not even their banner on the Showcase page.



That, and they pull the wings off butterflies for fun. Sick bastards.


posted by Harvey at 7:22:41 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



To love a person is to learn the song

That is in their heart,

And to sing it to them

When they have forgotten.

posted by Harvey at 6:55:24 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



The League of Liberals offers their clearest and most concise arguments against the war in Iraq, as presented by a drunken baboon and/or Howard Dean.


posted by Harvey at 6:53:10 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

  Monday, December 01, 2003


From last to first, the news at HQ that I haven't gotten around to blogging about:

LoL wins, but Frank & Misha promise linky-love if we can beat them.

The Bartender's lying his ass off. Huh. That's new.

Carnival entries due by midnight TONIGHT? WTF!

Evil Glenn has man-boobs.

General Douchebaggery busted by the Bear for being, well douchbaggy in general.

Bartender tells how to fix those busted Blogspot links. Theoretically, and possibly for real.

New Filthy Lie Assignment: Evil Glenn's Part Time Job - Due Friday - I'm still working on it.

Filthy Lie from a non-Alliance member.

How to get spiffy block quotes on your blog. Works great for MT. Now I have to convert it to Radio. Duh, what's a Style Sheet?

Filthy Lie & Late PGH

Evil Glenn's Thanksgiving: Naturally, Graumagus has the best one

Precision Guided Humor Assignment: The Donktionary Due December 3rd - get crackin'!

American Sharia Round-Up: Once again, Graumagus rocks!


posted by Harvey at 8:55:46 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



Don of Anger Management has hung up his blog, and there is great wailing and gnashing of teeth around the blogosphere.




You don't memorialize the world's funniest Objectivist by being sad & mournful. You celebrate his brief but beautiful existence by reveling in the comedic idiom that he loved so well. And thus I present:




1) His goatee got stuck in his keyboard.


2) He eloped with Luuk, the Everyday Bear


3) Glenn Reynolds mistook him for a puppy and blended him fingers-first, so he can't type anymore.


4) He's renounced Objectivism and will soon announce his Presidential candidacy as a Democrat


5) The stress of trying to be funnier than me finally got to him. Frank J. is next


6) He got drunk at Madfish Willie's & ran away with Fatty Sue


7) PowerBall!


8) Ann Coulter wanted a re-match. This could take a while


9) He wanted to get in a night at the Neverland Ranch before it's too late.


10) He finally listened to the little voices inside his head. Expect him to return as Donna of PMS Management.


With a little luck, Don will see this and feel compelled to come back with.




Come on, Watkins, I DARE you.



UPDATE: Geez, that was probably the shortest blog-hiatus on record. Heh. Like I said, NO ONE gives up blog-crack cold turkey.


posted by Harvey at 8:33:09 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []



I love you

Because the Earth turns

Round the sun

Because the North wind

Blows North sometimes

Because the Pope is Catholic

And most Rabbis Jewish

Because winters flow into springs

And the air clears after a storm

Because only my love for you

Despite the charms of gravity

Keeps me from falling off this Earth

Into another dimension


I love you

Because it is the natural order of things


posted by Harvey at 7:57:39 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


The monks of the Bat Nha Temple recently announced that enlightenment can now be purchased using Super Happy Lucky Fun Buddha Dollars.


posted by Harvey at 7:53:22 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


<P><A href="">IMAO</A> (554 links) - 2135 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love</A> (166 links) - 1350 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">The Inscrutable American</A> (59 links) - 175 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Ramblings of Silver Blue</A> (98 links) - 173 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Leaning Towards the Dark Side</A> (38 links) - 155 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon</A> (110 links) - 153 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Bad Money</A> (134 links) - 152 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Practical Penumbra</A> (200 links) - 147 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">The Alliance</A> (155 links) - 134 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Colorado Conservative</A> (21 links) - 120 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Serenity's Journal</A> (126 links) - 118 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">angelweave</A> (100 links) - 106 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Pardon My English</A> (55 links) - 87 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Being American in T.O.</A> (44 links) - 72 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">physics geek</A> (38 links) - 71 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">BigStick</A> (41 links) - 60 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">An Englishman's Castle</A> (11 links) - 55 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">The S-Train Canvass</A> (30 links) - 48 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">curi's domain</A> (18 links) - 48 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Left Coast Conservative</A> (99 links) - 46 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">VRWC, Inc.</A> (54 links) - 45 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Wince and Nod</A> (50 links) - 40 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Who Tends The Fires</A> (56 links) - 39 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">The Patriette</A> (50 links) - 35 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Five Wasps</A> (21 links) - 31 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">BLATHER REVIEW</A> (46 links) - 28 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">CandyUniverse</A> (45 links) - 28 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Frizzen Sparks</A> (16 links) - 24 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Semi-Intelligent Thoughts</A> (35 links) - 21 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Grim's Hall</A> (15 links) - 19 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Cavalier Attitude</A> (10 links) - 14 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Cannon's Canon</A> (20 links) - 11 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Single White Male</A> (14 links) - 11 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Hypocrisy and Hypotheses</A> (25 links) - 9 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""></A> (10 links) - 7 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Interested-Participant</A> (71 links) - visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">Cannot find server</A> (6 links) - visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""></A> (16 links) - visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""> Political Commentary</A> (70 links) - visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">The Dimmick Institute</A> (1 links) - visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">The New American Revolutionist</A> (23 links) - visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="">pstupidonymous</A> (8 links) - visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT></P>

posted by Harvey at 7:39:39 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []


IMAO (554 links) - 2135 visits/day V
Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love (166 links) - 1350 visits/day V
The Inscrutable American (59 links) - 175 visits/day V
Ramblings of Silver Blue (98 links) - 173 visits/day V
Leaning Towards the Dark Side (38 links) - 155 visits/day V
Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon (110 links) - 153 visits/day V
Bad Money (134 links) - 152 visits/day V
Practical Penumbra (200 links) - 147 visits/day V
The Alliance (155 links) - 134 visits/day V
Colorado Conservative (21 links) - 120 visits/day V
Serenity's Journal (126 links) - 118 visits/day V
angelweave (100 links) - 106 visits/day V
Pardon My English (55 links) - 87 visits/day V
Being American in T.O. (44 links) - 72 visits/day V
physics geek (38 links) - 71 visits/day V
BigStick (41 links) - 60 visits/day V
An Englishman's Castle (11 links) - 55 visits/day V
The S-Train Canvass (30 links) - 48 visits/day V
curi's domain (18 links) - 48 visits/day V
Left Coast Conservative (99 links) - 46 visits/day V
VRWC, Inc. (54 links) - 45 visits/day V
Wince and Nod (50 links) - 40 visits/day V
Who Tends The Fires (56 links) - 39 visits/day V
The Patriette (50 links) - 35 visits/day V
Five Wasps (21 links) - 31 visits/day V
BLATHER REVIEW (46 links) - 28 visits/day V
CandyUniverse (45 links) - 28 visits/day V
Frizzen Sparks (16 links) - 24 visits/day V
Semi-Intelligent Thoughts (35 links) - 21 visits/day V
Grim's Hall (15 links) - 19 visits/day V
Cavalier Attitude (10 links) - 14 visits/day V
Cannon's Canon (20 links) - 11 visits/day V
Single White Male (14 links) - 11 visits/day V
Hypocrisy and Hypotheses (25 links) - 9 visits/day V (10 links) - 7 visits/day V
Interested-Participant (71 links) - visits/day V
Cannot find server (6 links) - visits/day V (16 links) - visits/day V Political Commentary (70 links) - visits/day V
The Dimmick Institute (1 links) - visits/day V
The New American Revolutionist (23 links) - visits/day V
pstupidonymous (8 links) - visits/day V


posted by Harvey at 7:38:09 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []

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