Bad Money Logo

 


BAD EXAMPLE
GOODIES SHOP

Visit the Bad Example Goodies Shop to view the full line of designs and merchandise.

Bad Example:
BECAUSE NUANCE
IS OVERRATED

Google
Web Bad Money



"The frightening power of Harvey's filthy lies makes me tremble like a Frenchman. I frequently wet myself in terror and... Oops... damn." - Glenn Reynolds

"Tact is a stranger to you. I like that." - Chris Muir - Day By Day

"The man is a FREAK and a WEIRDO!" - Vigilance Matters

"The nicest thing about having Harvey around is that he makes the raincoat flashers look suave." - Rocket Jones

"...a very, very sick person." - She Who Will Be Obeyed

"pervert of renown extraordinare" - Practical Penumbra

"He's a really nice guy even if he is a little bit weird and creepy sometimes." - Reflections in d minor

"Curmudgeonly Old Coot" - BigStick.US

"Mr. Bad Example" - Straight White Guy

"Shpxurnq!!1!" - The Bartender of Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon

"infamous den of rum, buggery, the lash, and pirate pickup lines" - ErosBlog




















CATEGORIES

DAILY READS

BLOGWAR!









Weblog Commenting by HaloScan.com

Subscribe to "Filthy Lies" in Radio UserLand.

Click to see the XML version of this web page.

E-MAIL ME:
harvolson-at-charter.net
OR
click the little envelope
Subscribe to "Filthy Lies" in Radio UserLand.

Click to see the XML version of this web page.

E-MAIL ME:
(click the little envelope)
Click here to send an email to the editor of this weblog.

 
 

Bad Money

  Saturday, August 30, 2003


DON'T DRINK THE WATER

(A FILTHY LIE)

 

I was chatting with a co-worker the other day, and he asked me, "Hey, Harv, how come Evian water has an expiration date?"

 

Puzzled, I looked at the bottle and, sure enough - bottled 2-8-2003, expires 2-8-2005. How peculiar. It's WATER. What could possibly make water go bad in 2 years? So I called the company...

 

Evian rep: Good afternoon, it's a great day at Evian, how may I help you? [background: Hey Marge! Get me a puppy shake, would you?]

 

Harv: Evil Glenn! Is that you?

 

Evil Glenn: ... Crap. I thought I had the mute button depressed. Oh well. Yeah, it's me.

 

Harv: What are you doing working for Evian?

 

Evil Glenn: Have you priced a good hobo-whackin' hammer lately? Craftsman ain't exactly giving them away.

 

Harv: Uh, ok. Well, anyway, what's the deal with Evian having an expiration date. Water doesn't go bad. How stupid do you think people are?

 

Evil Glenn: Infinitely. Look, since the Alliance is powerless to stop my sinister plans for blogspheric domination, I'll let you in on a little secret. You're right - water doesn't have a shelf life. It's what's in the water.

 

Harv: My recipe says hydrogen and oxygen.

 

Evil Glenn: Fool! This is French water. It has secret ingredients.

 

Harv: Secret ingredients?

 

Evil Glenn: Some special chemical compounds indigenous to France, like cowardinium, annoylium, and stinkite. They're radioactive and very potent. But they have a short half-life so they're only useful as transformative catalysts for 2 years.

 

Harv: But what do these chemicals do?

 

Evil Glenn: Just what their names suggest. When consumed, they make a person cowardly, annoying, plus gives them the same smell you'd pick up from rolling around in garbage with a skunk at a discount whorehouse.

 

Harv: You're turning everyone French?

 

Evil Glenn: Oui.

 

Harv: You monster! What good could it possibly do you to fill the world with spineless, stinking backstabbers?

 

Evil Glenn: Remember penguin porn?

 

Harv: Yes, but...

 

Evil Glenn: Once everyone is French, sales will skyrocket! Think about it: soon every porn star will become hairy, flabby, scabby and repulsive. Once that happens, which will you find more erotic?

 

Harv: Well, penguins, of course, but... Oh my GOD!

 

Evil Glenn: MUA-HA-HA! Gotta run. The puppy's starting to coagulate. [click]

 

Harv: ... you evil bastard...

 

Horrifying, but true. Evil Glenn is going to turn the world French to bolster his penguin porn empire. This must be stopped!

 

Instapundo Delenda Est!

 

 

UPDATE (9-1-03): Apparently this French connection flows deeper than just water.

 


posted by Harvey at 9:39:38 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME




  Wednesday, August 27, 2003


200 WORDS OR LESS:

HAUNTED HOUSE (A FILTHY LIE)

 

Today's question comes from the book, "The Conversation Piece":

 

---------------

#288 How much money would a person have to pay you to spend one night alone in an old mansion that is supposedly haunted?

---------------

 

 

Actually, I did it for a dollar just last week. As I lay awake in the terrifying shadows...

 

 

Harv: This ain't so bad. Easiest buck I ever made.

 

Spectre: WHOOOoooOOO! WHOOOoooOOO! [*trip* CRASH!] OW! Stupid darkness!

 

Harv: Who's there?

 

Spectre: 'Tis I, Bob Marley. You will be visited by three ghosts tonight….

 

Harv: That was Jacob Marley, asshat, and... are you drinking a puppy shake?

 

Spectre: ...Crap. Ok, I'm the spirit of Evil Glenn.

 

Harv: You're... you're DEAD?

 

Spectre: What a bigoted thing to say! Just because I'm incorporeal, you automatically assume I'm dead. Animist!

 

Harv: Right. Sorry. So, what's your gig?

 

Spectre: I'm in league with Satan. In exchange for my already black and rotted soul, he gave me ultimate power over the blogosphere.

 

Harv: Old news, freakshow. Gimme something I can take to HQ.

 

Spectre: Isn't it obvious? I violate the sanctity of your home at an ungodly hour and I'm as annoying as a Frenchman at a UN Security Council meeting. Figure it out.

 

Harv: You're a TELEMARKETER?

 

Spectre: Reviewed your insurance needs, lately?

 

Harv: NOOOOOOOOO! No dollar is worth this! [flees in terror]

 

 

 

Evil Glenn is an insurance telemarketer. Spread the word.

 

Instapundo Delenda Est!

 


posted by Harvey at 9:17:24 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



  Friday, August 22, 2003


FILTHY LIES 

 

Frank says we need more lies about Evil Glenn.

 

I can't help much there. I'm too honest.

 

However, when I was talking with Evil Glenn the other day, I did discover something quite shocking. We were discussing some of our favorite retired comic strip writers...

 

Harv: Yeah, I miss Gary Larson, too. And I always really liked Bloom County. Some people said it was just a Doonesbury wanna-be, but I thought  it was quite innovative.

 

Evil Glenn: I agree. I really liked Opus. I love penguins. In fact, I even have a small, penguin-related business on the side. Let me show you something on my computer.

 

Harv: Penguinperv.com?

 

Evil Glenn: One of my favorite web-cam sites.

 

 

 

 

Harv: Does that book say "Instapundit" on the cover?

 

Evil Glenn: Yup.

 

Harv: Why does that penguin have an odd little smile on his face?

 

Evil Glenn: Obviously he REALLY enjoys what he's looking at. And I guarantee you he's not reading it for the articles.

 

Harv: You published a book of penguin porn?

 

Evil Glenn: Yup. Nothing more erotic than a penguin. The stark black-and-white contrast, the beak, those tiny feathers... indeed.

 

Harv: You sick, vile, sub-human pervert!

 

Evil Glenn: Geez, Harv, relax. Puppy smoothie?

 

Harv: Get away from me!

 

Evil Glenn: Say... has anyone ever told you that you look like a hobo? [reaching slowly for whacking hammer]

 

Harv: AAAAAAHH! [flees in terror]

 

So the truth is out. Evil Glenn publishes penguin porn on the side. Just one more reason...

 

Instapundo Delenda Est!

 

 

 

[hat tip to Intergalactic Capitalist for the pic]

 

 

UPDATE (8/27/03): Over at Alliance HQ, I provide further evidence of Evil Glenn's penguin porn production.

 


posted by Harvey at 9:17:49 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME




Click here to visit the Radio UserLand website. © Copyright 2005 Harvey Olson.
Last update: 9/10/2005; 4:44:54 PM.