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Bad Money
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Tuesday, December 30, 2003
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI
CURRENCY
[This dollar is only for Rebecca Stevens. Becky lives in Alsip, IL (Chicagoland Area) - From Larry D. Hoogstraten]
Although Rebecca thought the dollar was a sweet & thoughtful gift,
she decided to buy the lottery ticket for 2 reasons. First, she was
having another one of her "really strong lucky hunches", and second, if
she didn't do something to break his fool heart soon, she could end up
as Rebecca Hoogstraten, doomed to a lifetime "how do you spell your
last name?"
"UGH!", she thought. "One Loot Pursuit, please," she said to the pimply-faced counter-boy, "and HURRY!"
posted by Harvey at 9:58:20 PM permalink HOME
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Monday, December 29, 2003
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
Frank J. signs up yet another
annoying, pop-up-ad-and-spam-delivering sponsor. A week later, as they
filed for Chapter 13 bankruptcy protection, they discovered why the "Create a Blogad for IMAO" page is the #1 Google hit for the search: "kiss of death".
posted by Harvey at 11:53:44 PM permalink HOME
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Friday, December 26, 2003
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
Contrary to the popular legend, Lincoln did NOT actually say this after coming off a three-day bender.
posted by Harvey at 10:58:42 PM permalink HOME
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Thursday, December 25, 2003
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
[Be patient]
Don't argue with me, Susie, you picked this dollar fair & square. Now, do you want to play Doctor or not?
posted by Harvey at 11:10:44 PM permalink HOME
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Tuesday, December 23, 2003
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
[Fuck America!]
John Kerry donated this bill to the Bush campaign as a joke.
The volunteer to whom he handed it gave it back to Mr. Kerry as a suppository.
posted by Harvey at 11:59:01 PM permalink HOME
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Monday, December 22, 2003
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
"Excusez-moi, Mademoiselle, would you like to see Willy Wonder Wash's 'Wonder Willy'?"
posted by Harvey at 9:54:28 PM permalink HOME
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Sunday, December 21, 2003
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Friday, December 19, 2003
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
"Charlene season!"
"Wabbit season!"
"Charlene season!"
"Wabbit season!"
posted by Harvey at 11:16:52 PM permalink HOME
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Thursday, December 18, 2003
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
[Beer can toss Andy lost 6/20/02]
Matty O'Blackfive's greatest accomplishment since leaving the Army? Winning Timmy O'Toole's Annual Beer Can Toss contest, in which only himself and Andy were participants.
...Oh yes, and his 6 month Blogiversary.
posted by Harvey at 6:23:07 PM permalink HOME
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Wednesday, December 17, 2003
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
Of course, Susie prefers to think of it as, "aged to perfection, and ready for the Reddi-Wip".
posted by Harvey at 10:01:00 PM permalink HOME
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Tuesday, December 16, 2003
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Monday, December 15, 2003
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
From the book "Picking Up Chicks for Dummies", page 65:
"This one falls into the category of "cute" techniques. Although it's usually quite effective, it's important to keep in mind that the denomination of bill you use should be inversely proportional to the number of drinks your target has consumed."
posted by Harvey at 11:38:31 PM permalink HOME
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Sunday, December 14, 2003
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
Look! It's the ghost of a chance that the Democrats don't stand in 2004!
posted by Harvey at 9:14:43 PM permalink HOME
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Saturday, December 13, 2003
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
Sure, it looks like a toll-free number, but Dial-A-Slut actually charges $3.99 a minute, and those women at the other end of the line can't fake an orgasm to save their lives, so don't even bother calling this number...
... er... so I've been told...
posted by Harvey at 11:28:48 PM permalink HOME
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Thursday, December 11, 2003
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
[Brians Lucky. if you get this dollar then his luck has ran out. So maybe it will bring good luck to you]
For example, you might NOT get torn apart by an angry albino gorilla like Brian did when HIS luck ran out.
(Thanks to the nameless host of Vigilance Matters for finding this one for me).
posted by Harvey at 9:36:58 PM permalink HOME
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Wednesday, December 10, 2003
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
Look, Matty, I don't mind that you're writing down the nuclear missle launch codes instead of memorizing them, but FOR GOD'S SAKE will you please stop leaving them in the Bartender's tip jar?
posted by Harvey at 11:49:12 PM permalink HOME
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Tuesday, December 09, 2003
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Monday, December 08, 2003
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
November 2, 2005: One year after Hillary lost the Presidential race in the first unanimous electoral college vote since George Washington was elected (due in part to her now-infamous "Of COURSE I'm a lesbian" speech), and 6 months after the bitter divorce proceedings ended, Bill Clinton, once the most powerful man in the world, was reduced to rubber-stamping currency for piece-rate wages.
Oddly, no one felt his pain.
posted by Harvey at 9:20:11 PM permalink HOME
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Sunday, December 07, 2003
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
Evil Glenn brand Puppy Shakes - on sale at Wal-Mart: 3 for $1
Now available in new low-calorie formula, too. Mix and match, limit 3 per customer.
posted by Harvey at 11:18:54 PM permalink HOME
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Saturday, December 06, 2003
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
Obviously, the woman who wrote this is still single, because when you ask a woman to name a room in her house where she performs an unpleasant chore and which contains a large, noisy, smelly vibrating machine, the married ones usually answer "bedroom".
posted by Harvey at 6:33:12 AM permalink HOME
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Thursday, December 04, 2003
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
The other $48,999,999 is buried under the Big W.
posted by Harvey at 5:58:03 PM permalink HOME
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Wednesday, December 03, 2003
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
"Well," thought Bill Clinton to himself, "technically, stuffing this into an exotic dancer's g-string wouldn't meet the precise definition of spending..."
posted by Harvey at 10:42:10 PM permalink HOME
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Tuesday, December 02, 2003
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
The League of Liberals offers their clearest and most concise arguments against the war in Iraq, as presented by a drunken baboon and/or Howard Dean.
posted by Harvey at 6:53:10 PM permalink HOME
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Monday, December 01, 2003
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
The monks of the Bat Nha Temple recently announced that enlightenment can now be purchased using Super Happy Lucky Fun Buddha Dollars.
posted by Harvey at 7:53:22 PM permalink HOME
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© Copyright 2005 Harvey Olson.
Last update: 6/24/2005; 6:08:01 PM.
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