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  Monday, March 29, 2004


KING OF THE BLOGS FINAL RESULTS

...have been posted at the KotB page:

WalloWorld 37.25
Irritable Blog Syndrome 32.1
Blog Supplement 27.975

Good King Bill appears to turning into "Undethronable Despot Bill". Someone really needs to step up & take the long wind out of this tyrant's sails.

Be sure to read the reviews and witness such shocking things as:

Susie using the word "suck".

Ian using stuffy words like "erudite"

Pietro confessing his undying lust for Sigourney Weaver.

Trey Givens trying his best to throw a monkey wrench in the whole works. Silly Objectivist, tricks are for kids.


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  Saturday, March 27, 2004


KING OF THE BLOGS FINAL ROUND
CHALLENGE AND WHOLE BLOG REVIEWS

The Challenge Question:

The blogosphere has just been invaded by space aliens from the planet Zebnon. As King of the Blogs it is your duty to meet the threat. In doing this you must make a delegation of bloggers to rise up and meet the aliens. You are excluded from including members of the judging panel on this delegation (no butt-kissing!) For each member you must include a reason why.

Walloworld:
GOOD POINTS: As the reigning King of the Blogs, he did what all bloodthirsty tryants do: ignored all the rules of civilzed behavior that apply to lesser beings. Despite the "no butt-kissing" rule, he managed to work in gratuitous links to 2 of the judges. Since one of them was me and the other was Susies delectable gluteous, this counts in his favor. Also, it was a well-written and entertaining post with a nice swipes at several "oddball teams with a mission" movies.
BAD POINTS: Channelling the spirit of a coked-up Johnny Cochrane, he went on and on, answering a simple question so many times that for the next seven months, America's Presidential campaign discussion will revolve around how to best handle the nationwide pixel shortage caused by Bill's bloviating windbaggery. Also, a tragic dearth of self-linkage.
SCORE: 9

Irritable Blog Syndrome:
GOOD POINTS: With the unswerving arrogance befitting royalty, The Bull pointedly assumed the title of Queen in her essay. This kind of naked power-lust is something I could kneel before. Also, she puts some serious firepower into the mix by choosing Misha, who does rage better than anyone alive. Well constructed, with a carefully crafted "breaking news story" theme.
BAD POINTS: Didn't link to Helen's "blogging nekkid" picture when mentioning her name.
SCORE: 9

Blog Supplement:
GOOD POINTS: Demonstrating two-faced deceptive diplomacy worthy of Colonel Green, Hbee avoids the "direct show of strength" tactic chosen by the other two contenders and showcases blogs so bad that it took me an hour to read his post because I kept running away from my computer, screaming from the crippling horror of it all. Bonus points for demonstrating that, not matter what pathetic inanity I may post, my blog could suck a LOT worse. Anyone afflicted with "blogger's doubt" must read this post.
BAD POINTS: No matter how much Clorox I drink, I can't get the taste of that "Poor Lemur Poem" out of my mouth.
SCORE: 10

The Whole Blog: Technical Merit & Personality

Here are some technical things I like to see on a blog:

Comments enabled
Permalinks working
E-mail contact info available
Blogger's name/pseudonym prominently displayed
Site search feature enabled
Link to an "About Me" post on the sidebar
Blogger's gender is easily discernable
Blogroll
Readable font style & size
Readable color scheme (for example, NOT bright red type on bright green background)
Divisions between posts clearly marked
Paragraphing in entries (NOT just writing one fat block of text)

Aside from the tech stuff, I also like to see a blogger's personality shining through, to remind us of the person behind the words.

Walloworld:
GOOD POINTS: All his technical points are still in fine working order. Personality-wise, I gotta love the way he put up the short descriptions by the judges' links. I also enjoy the "recent entries by category" feature.
BAD POINTS: Ummm... [searching desperately for something mean to say]... uh, he's still a lawyer... uh... oh! He needs to capitalize his category names.... Rats! Who am I kidding?
SCORE: 10

Irritable Blog Syndrome:
GOOD POINTS: Technical points - all good. I also love the way she fixed that "no, really, I'm a girl" problem, as well as finally figuring out where to put that horrid & disturbing logo image (which actually starts to grow on you after a while). Speaking of which, although I dinged King Bill for using the "extended entries" feature too much, it's actually a blessing with Bull's entries, because it obscures Mr. Flashy Guts.
BAD POINTS: I specifically asked for bikini pictures! Where are my bikini pictures? Oh well. A couple minor nits, probably leftover untidynesses from the last re-design & not worth deducting for: You might want to shrink the left column just a touch, because occasionally a letter or two will spill over the edge of the background onto Mr. FG. Also, you should put either more space or a line or something between the bottom of one post and the top of the next, just for esthetics. I'm not deducting because the tiny print followed by bolded titles is a satisfactory visual divider. I'm just saying it looks a little crowded.
SCORE: 10

Blog Supplement:
GOOD POINTS: What a nice young man. And such a tidy sidebar! Not crowded with dirty pictures & blog affiliations like most bloggers. Although I suppose it will get filled up in time. I like the way he works that puppy theme for all it's worth, both as a header and a post divider. Brings a sense of unity to the page.
BAD POINTS: Piddled on my rug. BAD DOG! Anyway, there are some important technical items missing. First, no 'search' feature. This could cost you linkage down the road. Let's say I vaguely remembered something you once said about some stand-up comedian, and I wanted to quote and link you. If you have search, I can find the entry in question easily & I'll probably take the time. Without it, I'm too lazy to try to force it through Google. Second, there's no "about me" post. Which is an even bigger problem since with a name like Hbee, your gender is indeterminate (although I did find something indicating maleness in one of the entries, so...). Besides, I'd like to know a little bit more about the author. A third, but non-deductable item is that I couldn't find a link to your main blog page. As a courtesy to your readers, you might consider putting such a link in your entry template somewhere near the permalink. Anyway, although I've mentioned several items, I'm only dinging lightly in view of your recent de-blogspotification.
SCORE: 9


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  Sunday, March 21, 2004


KING OF THE BLOGS WEEK 1 RESULTS

The top 3 finishers for round 1 of this week's KotB Tournament are:

Blog Supplement 22.5
Walloworld 21.5
Irritable Blog Syndrome 21.375

Note to Bull of IBS - I like the way you solved the "no, really, I'm a girl" problem. That will serve you well in next week's whole-blog judging. Just remember that I REALLY like bikini pictures [wink, wink].

Anyway, the full scoring details can be found at the KotB site, as can Smarter Cop's reviews, which are fair, balanced, objective, accurate, thought-provoking, and only marginally stuffy. Maybe someday he'll loosen up enough to wet his pants laughing. I'm tellin' ya Pietro, there's no better feeling. Besides, why do ya think they make Depends?

Coming Next: Week 2 challenge and whole-blog judging. The crown will be on the line, and there are 3 brutal and talented competitors left. Who will win? Probably the one with the most bikini pictures, but only time will tell.


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  Saturday, March 20, 2004


KING OF THE BLOGS REVIEWS
CHALLENGE AND SUBMITTED POSTS

Scores removed to maintain suspense. UPDATE(3-21-03 1:30pm): Scores added to remove suspense.

Final results will be posted at the King of the Blogs main page soon, and I'll give a holler when it's up. This week's challenge (for which Good King Bill of Walloworld can and will be blamed) is:

Write a post which incorporates all of the current top five Words or Phrases for Impact on the English language (as cited by the Global Language Monitor): "wardrobe malfunction," "bootylicious," "extreme makeover," "Gigli," and "Give it Up!"

IRRITABLE BLOG SYNDROME
(challenge)
GOOD POINTS: ROTFLMAO!
BAD POINTS: Contains offensively misogynistic terminology, which is entirely inappropriate to publish during March, which is Women's History Month, and… oh, wait… Bull is a woman. Nevermind. Free pass ;-)
SCORE: 10

(submitted)
GOOD POINTS: Good job of pointing out how fearsomely ignorant the MTV generation is, in their own words. I'm glad * I * was never that stupid [whistles innocently]
BAD POINTS: Could've used a couple sentences of introduction explaining a little about what the MTV source page was all about, and your own thoughts that inspired you to write the post. Also, there's an uncensored f-bomb in the post – this is supposed to be a family tournament. Drop all the nukes you want in the rest of your blog, but keep the KotB items PG, please.
SCORE: 8

WALLOWORLD
(challenge)
GOOD POINTS: Nice themed post with colorful visual descriptions. I felt like I was there.
BAD POINTS: Boring legal briefs are the reason I dropped out of law school. Thanks for re-opening THAT wound. Also, tragic dearth of self-linkage.
SCORE: 9

(submitted)
GOOD POINTS: After reading this, my immediate reaction was to internally argue with it, point by point, since I disagreed with his conclusion. Yet I wasn't angry. This, to me, is the sign of a well-presented argument. Nice job.
BAD POINTS: A link to Lochner v. New York would've been helpful for the uninitiated, as would specific examples of "Robber Baron" perfidy. Also, tragic dearth of self-linkage.
SCORE: 8

PEPE DAY 2 DAY
(challenge)
GOOD POINTS: Good hillbilly-mocking theme, with bonus for creative (mis)use of the required words. Way to stand out from the crowd. "Bootylicious". Heh.
BAD POINTS: Although good in concept, in execution, it only worked moderately well. Wound up sounding a little too contrived.
SCORE: 8

(submitted)
GOOD POINTS: Well-constructed post. Great technique in the interweaving of the story he's making reference to and the point he's trying to make. Nice parallelism and closure in the last sentence.
BAD POINTS: For the record, I disagree with the premises upon which the post is based, but I'm not taking anything off for that. However, a link to the article being referred to would've been nice, and you could have found it with minimal Googling. Think about your readers, please, and link your sources.
SCORE: 8

BLOG SUPPLEMENT
(challenge)
GOOD POINTS: Has the moxy to explain to the King of the Blogs, in great detail and humorosity, exactly why the challenge question sucks. No kneeling for this subject! He goes to the guillotine with his head held high.
BAD POINTS: Put exactly zero effort into his rip on "Give it up", thus besmirching an otherwise perfect post.
SCORE: 9

(submitted)
GOOD POINTS: Quaint little slice of life with subtle humor, good sound effects, and all necessary supporting linkage. Nice job, Wolfman.
BAD POINTS: None visible. (Although I was worried for a bit that he wasn't going to explain what "wassshump" was).
SCORE: 10

BELIEF SEEKING UNDERSTANDING
(challenge)
GOOD POINTS: Scores some good hits while contemplating the required buzzwords. Bonus for coining the phrases "cusp of fuddydudditude" and "fist malfunction".
BAD POINTS: Contemplated a bit too much. The points made, while humorous, could've been briefer & more pointed. While I understand the need to "warm up" when writing certain difficult pieces, it's often a good idea to go back and tighten things up once you're finished.
SCORE: 8

(submitted)
GOOD POINTS: Does a number of things right – cites relevant sources, warns that it's a multi-part posting, indents quoted passages, and all-around helps put the reader comfortably into context. Bonus for going back to update the post with a link to next entry in the series.
BAD POINTS: Could have used an intro explaining the author's personal motivation for writing the piece, and why it's relevant to readers who aren't college professors. Internally, it works well, but a rather abstract think piece like this needs more concrete grounding to start it off.
SCORE: 8


A GIGGLE OF GALS
(Challenge - not posted, but e-mailed):

A Modern Day Faerie Tale:

Once upon a time, there was a chick who went by the name of Gigli. She was quite happy that once she’d had an extreme makeover, she knew she could then be considered bootylicious, if for no other reason than she had a Gigli-butt.

She knew that if just the right guy came up to her and said just the right thing, which was “Give it Up!” that she would have a complete wardrobe malfunction just for him and they would become engaged, maybe even do a movie together and live happily ever after…maybe….

The End?

GOOD POINTS: It's the "quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" of challenge responses. Probably the shortest coherent post that could be made with the mandatory buzzwords.
BAD POINTS: Too contrived-sounding, and, even worse, not posted at the participant's blog. Don't you want linkage?
SCORE: 6

(Submitted 3-10 CTRL+F "researching")
GOOD POINTS: Briefly and gleefully points out one of the internet's major foibles.
BAD POINTS: Could've used more details. And supportive linkage. And working permalinks
SCORE: 5


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  Monday, March 08, 2004


KING OF THE BLOGS RESULTS

And the new King of the Blogs is:

The old King of the Blogs, as WalloWorld retains the crown by .05 points this week.

At this point the pretenders to the throne - Bull (who is a girl) of Irritable Blog Syndrome and Athanasius (who's probably a guy) of Ecumenical Insanity (now with 100% less Blogspottiness) - will be cast in the darkest dungeon that Good King Bill can find, where they can contemplate the evils of their attempted usurpation.

In addition to my brilliantly witty commentary, you can go to this week's KotB results post and find the ponderings of such notable judges as:

The ever-stuffy Mr Dodge, who insists that bits of flair and mirth, when mixed with dashes of pizazz, are the most important qualities a monarch can possess.

The charming Mistress of Discipline Susie, of Practical Penumbra, who firmly but gently chastises naughty bloggers: "Bad Wally!" she says. Hey gorgeous, I've been naughty, too. Where's MY spanking?

The non-stuffy, but now swell-headed petty little name caller ("stick in the mud"? ME? Is he calling me stuffy now?... Wait, maybe he's just saying I'm gay? Oh, well, that's not so... wha? HEY!) Pietro of SmarterCop goes painstakingly through his whole-blog judging criteria. Hint to new contestants - study his reviews. There's no excuse now for NOT getting 10/10 on this part from him.

UP NEXT: The Royal Rumble - where peasants with delusions of grandeur pummel each other in a brutal cage match to see who will get a shot at the crown.


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  Saturday, March 06, 2004


KING OF THE BLOGS CHALLENGE QUESTION & WHOLE BLOG REVIEW

The following are my reviews for the King of the Blogs. Scores have been omitted to retain an air of mystery until the winners are announced at the KotB site.

Overall note: despite this week's challenge question being the Mt. Rushmore of monumental badness, the contestants as a group plunged ahead with commendable fortitude to make something out of nothing.

ECUMENICAL INSANITY:
(challenge)[March 3, CTRL+F "the answer"]
GOOD POINTS: Cites sources of peer-reviewed research studies to back up his conclusive conclusion.
BAD POINTS: Missed the correct answer by 5, as this question is CLEARLY a subset of the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything.

WALLOWORLD
(challenge)
GOOD POINTS: As reigning monarch, wisely caters to the various special interest groups in his kingdom, including conservatives, liberals, filthy hippies, and the Irish.
BAD POINTS: Insinuates that I'm to blame for this wretched query. Also fails to link self repeatedly.

IRRITABLE BLOG SYNDROME
(challenge)
GOOD POINTS: Dilligently performs her own research, investigates all relevant variables (complete with supporting linkage), and comes up with indisputable conclusions. Bonus for mocking shoddy union labor practices.
BAD POINTS: None visible

The Whole Blog: Technical Merit & Personality
 
Here are some technical things I like to see on a blog:
 
Comments enabled
Permalinks working
E-mail contact info available
Blogger's name/pseudonym prominently displayed
Site search feature enabled
Link to an "About Me" post on the sidebar
Blogger's gender is easily discernable
Blogroll
Readable font style & size
Readable color scheme (for example, NOT bright red type on bright green
background)
Divisions between posts clearly marked
Paragraphing in entries (NOT just writing one fat block of text)
 
Aside from the tech stuff, I also like to see a blogger's personality shining through, to remind us of the person behind the words.

ECUMENICAL INSANITY
:
GOOD POINTS: I like that there's no mistaking this blog's overarching Christian theme. You know from the second the page loads what you're in for.
BAD POINTS: Some obvious technical difficulties arise from working within Blogspot – broken permalinks being the most obvious. That one I'd be willing to overlook, since Athanasius is moving to a real home. However, there are other missing features that there are no excuse for. There's no "About Me" post. This is especially egregious for a blogger using a sexually ambiguous pseudonym. Also, code for a site search feature is easily obtainable from Google - no reason not to have that.
(NOTE: Athanasius has some writing talent and should probably consider re-entering with the new blog)

WALLOWORLD
GOOD POINTS: Nothing but good points. The color scheme is a lot more pleasant this time around. Apparently that old shade of off-poop even got on HIS nerves. Good use of color & design to segregate the various textual elements. Also looks a lot more natural without all those "show extended entries" links. Great kiss-up job on the KotB judge links
BAD POINTS: Ok, one bad point. Needs to link himself more.

IRRITABLE BLOG SYNDROME
GOOD POINTS: All the niceties are present, and Bull has one of the cleanest sidebars I've ever seen. I also like the very subdued dashed-line borders.
BAD POINTS: Minor nits for which I detract very little. Having the pseudonym "Bull" makes it hard for newcomers to realize that you're a woman. However, there is a picture in the "About Me" post, and a lot of the entries bear obvious female fingerprints. Might want to consider joining BloggersWithBoobies as a clarifier. Also, the brownish background on quotes is pretty close to the off-poop color that Bill recently flushed. You might consider doing the same, but it's your blog, so it's your call.


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  Monday, March 01, 2004


KING OF THE BLOGS ROUND 1 WINNERS

are:

Ecumenical Insanity: 38.875

Walloworld: 38.5

Irritable Blog Syndrome: 37.625

The complete scores & reviews can be found in the proclamation post at the KotB site, including.

Susie - who gave the short version.

Rick - well, either he had gas pains or he was sitting on something pointy when he wrote his reviews, 'cuz he was just a short-tempered little crab-apple this week.

Andrew - still stuffy, although he seems to have loosened his tie ever-so-slightly this week. And I give the man a huge frown for dinging Miniluv for stocking his Presidential cabinet with "bloggers unknown to most". This may be true, but he provided supporting linkage, so if the bloggers stayed unknown to you, that was your own choice.

Pietro - Thoughtful reviews, and mostly not stuffy. In fact, I think that's his tie over there, hanging on the lampshade. However, he dinged WalloWorld for not explaining his choice of interview question in the Challenge. *sigh*  That's what the link is for, Pietro. I didn't get Bill's little gag either until I clicked and found out that Chris Matthews asked John Kerry about his favorite movie. Quite ironic that Pietro explains his OWN little joke with a link.

By the way, the Connie Chung - bitch joke was reference to an interview that Chung did with Newt Gingrich's mom, where she used that "just whisper to me" line, and mom said that Newt said that Hillary was a bitch. Now THAT could've used a link.

A personal note to Mike of Miniluv: I think you screwed yourself badly by not answering all the parts of the challenge question. However, I also think you're a really talented writer and you should consider throwing your hat back into the ring. Just try being a little more international to appease the stuffy guy.

Anyway, my brilliant observations are below:

IRRITABLE BLOG SYNDROME
(challenge)
GOOD POINTS: Perfectly formatted, straight to the point with just enough intro. Tells who, what question, what a yes would mean, what a no would mean and then stops writing. I've never enjoyed reading a non-humorous post so much.
BAD POINTS: Could have linked the list of non-interview targets to informative pages for the sake of readers younger and stupider than myself.
SCORE: 9.5

(submitted)
GOOD POINTS: Makes point after excellent point. Even better, I don't feel pre10tious anymore
BAD POINTS: Didn't link that nasty Kuro5hin post that started it all, thus depriving readers of a reference point. Please be more thoughtful of the ignorant in the future.
SCORE: 9.5

LOBOWALK
(challenge)
GOOD POINTS: The positively lyrical phrase, "pull out my S&W .40 and plant a cap in [Osama's] grill". Also excellent Google-baiting with the gratuitous Timberlake reference.
BAD POINTS: Started out by admitting he didn't know the answer. *sigh*  How can you expect to be a brutal, tyrannical monarch if you show weakness like that? IRON FIST, man!
SCORE: 8

(submitted)
GOOD POINTS: Intriguing topic paragraph – ideological irony as illustrated by gay marriage.
BAD POINTS: Decided NOT to discuss ideological irony, but forgot to change the lead paragraph. Then mixed 2 topics - the Federal Marriage Amendment's effects on Bush's polling and hetero marriage's societal value – that would've been better discussed in separate posts. Also, I read that last sentence in the entry 10 times, and I have NO idea what it was supposed to say.
SCORE: 7

WALLOWORLD
(challenge)
GOOD POINTS: Beautifully, subtly, and understatedly sarcastic, and for the first time in his life, he didn't blather on needlessly. Although I was worried about his lack of narcissism, since he didn't link himself, he did manage to talk about himself even though it had NOTHING to do with the post. Excellent Royal self-absorption. Nice name-dropping, too.
BAD POINTS: None visible
SCORE: 10

(submitted)
GOOD POINTS: Made his point using relevant linkage and supporting quotes. His ability to stay on point has improved remarkably since his first bloody and brutal campaign for the throne.
BAD POINTS: At some point forgot that the topic was advertising aimed at the 8 & under crowd. What do beer commercials have to do with that? Also forgot to link himself. Where's the narcissism, my liege?
SCORE: 8

ECUMENICAL INSANITY
(challenge)[full text at KotB]
GOOD POINTS: Answered the question right away instead of mucking about with an intro. Refreshing change of pace from most entries. Bonus for use of the word "snotless". Nice touch at the end, asking about the veracity of the response.
BAD POINTS: None visible
SCORE: 10

(submitted)[2-24 CTRL+F "explodes"]
GOOD POINTS: A rarity – a tastefully restrained fisking. The snappy sarcasm was well-mixed with insightful questions & valid points. This is a difficult format which easily devolves into tedium, but Athanasius rises to the challenge. Bonus for the phrase "faster than a professional wrestler getting a script re-write from Vince McMahon"
BAD POINTS: None visible
SCORE: 10

MINILUV
(challenge)
GOOD POINTS: Delicious, spot-on Bill & Ted parody theme. Kudos for an amazing job.
BAD POINTS: It kills me to have to ding for this, but last 2 parts of the challenge question weren't answered.
SCORE: 9

(submitted)
GOOD POINTS: I doff my hat to your comedic genius. Brother, that post rocked. "I intend on giving France back to Germany" *snicker*
BAD POINTS: None visible
SCORE: 10

BLOG SUPPLEMENT
(challenge)[It's at the top, headed by "Challenge 2"]
GOOD POINTS: mmmm… hot Connie Chung… *ahem*  anyway, bonus for having the moxy to pick someone fairly obscure for the interview. I wonder if anyone under the age of 30 got that one. Heh. I love being old.
BAD POINTS: that "whisper" & "bitch" part could've used supportive linkage. I barely remembered that Mrs. Gingrich interview, but it was easy to Google. Help your readers enjoy your material with relevant links.
SCORE: 9

(submitted)[2-17, CTRL+F "joplin"]
GOOD POINTS: Excellent slice of life story. Well told. I felt like I was there.
BAD POINTS: Really could've used supportive linkage (and correct spelling) on O'Donoghue. If you're not sure about something, Google is your friend.
SCORE: 8


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