Plato must have been a miserable SOB
Tonight, I took a woman I've just recently met out for dinner. I bring this up because it's important to note I was not alone when I sat for at least a full minute at a stop sign waiting for it to change. It never did, and I'll bet it hasn't since the city first put it up, years and years ago. Therefore, I have to admit this happened; it was witnessed. Besides, it's the sort of goofy, embarrassing moment you can't leave out of a blog entry.

And it's one of the few truly funny moments to be derived from what, for me, has been a pretty unsatisfactory string of days.

Yeah, you could say I was easily distractible today. But you can't excuse it by saying I was on a date, because that's apparently become an unspeakable four-letter word for females who, for one unfathomable reason or another, find themselves with no other alternative than to be in my company.

And, oh by the way, that's another reason to bring it up.

I nearly torpedoed this dinner before it even began by suggesting it was a date. Erm, no. It's just dinner. Let's make it clear right away this isn't going anywhere. That's a trend I'm experiencing since I started dating hanging out platonically again. I only seem to be interested in women who don't really want me to demonstrate any signs of affection toward them, or for that matter even hint it's in the realm of possibilities.

Now I can, and do, accept that attraction must be a mutual commodity in order for it to flourish. I've had to inform several women I've known since my divorce that I feel nothing special for them, so I've worn the other pair of shoes as well. It's never easy for people to acknowledge when the essential, unidentifiable "something" isn't there, and I've seen nothing but disastrous results from people who ignore or misinterpret that key indicator. People who are, or aren't, "meant" to be together usually figure that out soon after they first meet, if they're savvy enough to listen to their own hearts.

I listen to mine and it sounds a lot like those anthemic J. Geils Band lyrics: you love her, but she loves him, and he loves somebody else, you just can't win (follow the bouncing ball if you're old enough to remember the video). I can rationalize these things all day long, but I still can't understand why my interests aren't matching up well with those of the women who, through no fault or desire of their own, draw me in. I'm reliably turning off the very souls I want to be closest to. How do I react to that?

If I had a ready answer, I wouldn't hesitate to put it out here. It would probably make me famous. Of course I have no effing idea. Maybe I'm more repellent than I perceive myself to be, but I don't think I deviate too far from normal in any of the obvious benchmarks. For instance, my date pal accepted my invitation, she didn't have second thoughts and cancel the date dinner, we had a good time today, and (though, as always, it remains to be seen) we said we'd like to do it again. Plenty of opportunities exist for these not-a-dates to not happen, so I must be acceptable enough to carry it at least that far.

I think I'm just having a run of incompatibility that may, or may not, last for a while. But tonight, it feels like it's only the latest "proof" of what's shaping up to be an increasingly complicated syllogism:

• I cannot resign myself to be 'just friends' with someone towards whom I feel attraction.
• I cannot fall in love with someone without first knowing her well as a friend.
• I cannot, in good conscience, withhold my feelings or intentions from a friend.

I'm bound to conclude either I will have friends with no love, or love with no friends. But you can't summarize a syllogism with a tautology, so this excursion in logic clearly needs some work. Or some time. Maybe some more dates meetings, just to test the theory.

I still can't see the long-term benefit of rewarding one's sex drive with quick and superficial relationships.

But I'm beginning to understand how it happens. 11:47:54 PM    comment []trackback []