We Send Our Breast To You
I haven't commented on the overexposed Janet Jackson until now on purpose, because I see this whole "event" as the premeditated publicity stunt it was calculated to be. The clue is in the quick use of the term "wardrobe malfunction," which made a lot of people laugh but told me the truth of it... in order for wardrobe to "malfunction," it has to be engineered. Someone designed that costume, and at least one someone else signed off on the design. Janet knew what her costume would do when she put it on, and Justin knew where to pull in order to release the captive at the appropriate lyrical moment. You can easily tell this when you see the event play in real time, something I finally had the chance to do.

Less than two seconds of R-rated live video, in a shot so wide that most people who saw it weren't even sure if it had really happened. It was up to the "infotainment" shows to slow it down, cover it with a mosaic effect, and re-run it incessantly. Oooh, look, Janet flashed a boob. So we're still talking about it, mostly in terms of moral outrage and punitive reaction, which shows you how repressed most people in this country pretend to be about issues of sexuality, even something as moderate as a quick flash of was that what I thought it was?. We make all the appropriate and expected puritanical clucking noises, but damn, more than two weeks later, we apparently still want to see it. Janet herself probably never felt her breasts were worthy of so much attention, in spite of her use of interesting aureolic accessories.

What a boon for the CBS Television Network, which until recently had this reputation of being the "old people's network," full of lackluster programming that had marginal appeal. We don't think they're stodgy these days, huh? You'd expect this from Fox, maybe, but CBS? Hey, they can play too. All from less than two seconds of "risk."

Of course, they're officially indignant and they're on a purity kick, putting a five-second delay on the Grammy Awards and all that. By the way, did you notice they didn't filter out Christina Aguilera? Her huddled masses sure were yearning to breathe free, weren't they? How did all you "shocked" parents explain her to your children, if you bothered at all? Because, I must say, mammaries memories of my own preteen prurient interests tell me I would have been far more curious about Christina's display of rack than Janet's. In fact, even now, I want to see them, I mean her, again.

But CBS is riding the publicity wave, too. After all, they released that clip of Janet n' Justin to be replayed on infinite loop, on every channel, from now until forever. They have the rights to the image, they could have embargoed it, and prevented people from rebroadcasting it. They could have released still photos captured from the videotape to satisfy any "news" value the incident had. They did neither. Just make sure that transparent CBS logo's in the lower right hand corner, people, we want everyone to know where this came from.

So (sharp intake of breath), what are we going to do?. We must stop this indecency on TV (never mind that's a fight that was lost soon after the networks made the big switch to all-color programming). Let's get our right-wing government on this, let's get Colin Powell's brother (Michael, chairman of the FCC) to fine them silly so they'll Never! Do! This! Again!

Pfft.

Revenue generated by one 30-second spot from the Super Bowl ought to cover it. And CBS has been sending cash to the FCC for years without a spasm of regret, because Howard Stern's one of theirs, too. And, thanks to the FCC's loosening of ownership caps, there'll only be three or four media companies left soon. They'll own everything, and they'll all be flush with cash, on the scale of the old Hollywood studios. They'll buy, sell, and trade the FCC amongst each other... bounce it back and forth like a beach ball at a Phish concert.

TV will continue to push the envelope, continue to shock us and get us talking. And watching. We can't help ourselves, can we? We'll keep watching, and our kids will keep watching, and we'll have to be more attentive parents. We'll have to explain things to them sooner than we might wish to. We left days of innocence behind before I (and many of you) were even born, and compared to the standards of most of the rest of the progressive world (broadcast and otherwise), we're still actually pretty straitlaced. That means we have a lot of repressed feelings that come out, in dysfunctional ways, at times like this. How we handle them says a lot about us. And it looks like Prohibition is making a comeback.

Meanwhile, I have to admire Carolina Panthers coach John Fox, who, when asked about the Jackson halftime fallout, reportedly replied "Personally, I'd have gone for two." 11:38:47 AM    comment []trackback []