The State Of Me
That's a pronoun, viz. "I" in the objective case, not a postal abbreviation. I'll assume Maine's doing all right. It was fine when I saw it last.

Herewith, the update you've been clamoring for.

I've experienced some improvement since my last terse, tepid dispatch in this space. My father, with all the typical compassion and humanism of his "grew up during the Depression" generation, would have called my recent experiences "tough shit" moments. The ultimate reality check in a way, a tough shit moment assumes any personal crisis short of one's own death or dismemberment is something to be borne stoically, because your difficulties are all quite pathetic when compared to some of the stuff other people go through.

T.S. Moment #1 Been ungodly busy. I worked for 17 days straight (punishment for my vacation?) because of bad scheduling at FunnyCo (that's a clever euphemism for my actual employer, see?). We had one part-time person in my workgroup quit, then the replacement we hired and trained bailed on us too. Not that I blame either one of them (they've good reasons), but I've had to unhappily cover their abandoned shifts in addition to my own. Normally there's two others in the department with me who would be taking turns, but (in a Super Genius move) they were both given leave... at the same time... contrary to company policy regarding staffing levels. I complained about it, for not only was I covering parts of three different jobs, I was doing it seven nights a week! I know, what a malcontent I am. Some people don't even HAVE jobs. Here you have three! FunnyCo acknowledged it was a mistake, said oops, and told me to get back to work. If I'd made a mistake like that on my more lowly managerial level, I'm sure it would go in my Permanent Record.

T.S. Moment #2 Much of the strung-out, stretched-thin work I did for FunnyCo during those 2.5 weeks of being a one-man band, sucks People unenlightened about the conditions under which I did that work have complained about it, and to them, there's no valid excuse for sloppy work anyway. I tend to agree with them. So, I've had to re-do some of it this week to bring it up to standard. On my own time. In addition to my current workload. Never time to do it right, always time to do it over!

T.S. Moment #3 Pending tax audit. I'm not worried about it, in the sense that I believe my return was accurate, my accountant stands by his work, and my paperwork's in order. Or so you think... they wouldn't be auditing you if you didn't screw something up.

T.S. Moment #4 I noticed... or more correctly a friend noticed... that I'm not quite as liberated from my divorce as I'd like to believe. I live much too much within the context that I'm damaged goods, and am letting those experiences define me still. Move on, already. Might be easier to do that if I stop viewing myself as downtrodden, and stop viewing everything bad that happens to me in that light.

T.S. Moment #5 I've gained 10 pounds this month because I've been eating badly, for no other reason than I've suddenly become too lazy to eat well. That's on top of a slower but steady gain since stagnating around the 200 pound mark last fall (down from 255, but what have I done for me lately?) Not to put too fine a point on it, I don't have room in my clothes for those pounds... since I've gotten rid of my larger wardrobe as a "reward" for earlier losses... and I'm starting to look ridiculous. Not that I looked really svelte before, but now I've got to work twice as hard to get rid of that weight. You really ARE what you eat, it seems.

T.S. Moment #6 I'd considered, back a few posts (which means a month or more) ago, whether I might be falling in love. While I concluded that I indeed am, it's quite apparent that it will be of the unrequited variety if I choose to pursue it. Old story... the women I want don't seem to want me, and vice versa. Glutton for punishment, aren't I?

T.S. Moment #7 My side-project, the Big Unspoken Thing that's been threatening to take off "any time now" for the past two years looks like it finally might happen. But my involvement may, at best, be much more limited than I'd envisioned. Money talks, bullshit walks. To get this thing to happen is involving lots more outside investment than originally thought. Inevitably, investors exert influence. Way too out of my hands. When contracts are signed, I'll know what the possibilities are, but I'm expecting to be aced out of anything significant, and not feeling savvy enough to influence that more in my favor.

There, see? One big pity party. Fascinating, no?

But at least I finally got it all on the page. 1:07:05 PM    comment []trackback []